Hi everyone...first post
I have suffered from depression since I was about 15...on and off.I'll skip to 2002 I was basicly in bed for a year and a half. A friend had me put in a mental hospital. I was put on medication that started working for me. I have been on it ever since and never has a relapse. My dog of 13 yrs. died in january...my father died three weeks ago. I have seen myself steadly going downhill...I feel it returning for the first time since 2002. I dont know what to do.
Its returning
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TackingIntoTheWind
- Posts: 1060
- Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:35 am
- Location: South Wales
I don't know if any of this will help, but here goes.......
If you're like me, then in order to begin recovering from your depression from 2002 onwards, you collected/discovered/adopted various tricks to start recovering from your depression and to manage it better in the future.
Now, I don't know what worked for you, but if your depression hasn't returned since 2002 whatever you did MUST have worked.
It's a truly frightening thing to feel depression/anxiety starting to " gather in the shadows ", but I would ask you to remember:
1. It is entirely natural for you to feel as if you're going downhill at the moment. Losing a parent is one of the MOST awful things that can happen to anyone. And, losing a pet that's been a part of your life for so long is BOUND to make you feel even worse. You're going through a VERY bad time, but this DOES NOT necessarily mean that you're weaker than you were last year or the year before.
2. Also, please remember, you DID recover from depression, and recover for years. I hope that you will " rediscover " what helped you then, It CAN help you again, I'm sure.
Good luck
( PS I hope that you can see what I was trying to get at in this post. I hope it doesn't seem too much like stating the obvious!
If you're like me, then in order to begin recovering from your depression from 2002 onwards, you collected/discovered/adopted various tricks to start recovering from your depression and to manage it better in the future.
Now, I don't know what worked for you, but if your depression hasn't returned since 2002 whatever you did MUST have worked.
It's a truly frightening thing to feel depression/anxiety starting to " gather in the shadows ", but I would ask you to remember:
1. It is entirely natural for you to feel as if you're going downhill at the moment. Losing a parent is one of the MOST awful things that can happen to anyone. And, losing a pet that's been a part of your life for so long is BOUND to make you feel even worse. You're going through a VERY bad time, but this DOES NOT necessarily mean that you're weaker than you were last year or the year before.
2. Also, please remember, you DID recover from depression, and recover for years. I hope that you will " rediscover " what helped you then, It CAN help you again, I'm sure.
Good luck
( PS I hope that you can see what I was trying to get at in this post. I hope it doesn't seem too much like stating the obvious!
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shatteredhopes
- Posts: 664
- Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:39 am
- Location: U.S.
*****HUGS****** I am so sorry for your two losses. I have suffered loss too, and although not easy for anyone, it seems to especially affect those of us with depression/mental illness dramatically.
Medicine can only do so much when circumstances are upsetting like when you are grieving. But it can help a little. Can you call your doctor who prescribes the meds, tell him/her what is going on and see if you can go up a bit on some meds or add something else to help you through this difficult time a bit?
A grief support group might be most helpful to you. I found much comfort in posting here, as you might too, but talking with others who are grieving can be a lifeline.
It is so hard that you had two such losses so close together....sometimes when it rains it pours. I am so sorry you are having to go through this one after the other, but talking your doctor about possible adjustments and talking about your feelings here and in a grief support group might help you stay out of the most crippling depression that might put you in the hospital again.
It is a sad, sad fact of life that sometimes there's no way out of the dark tunnel except to just go through it until we reach the light. You are on a difficult part of your journey...please reach out to others to lean on and support you through it whereever, however you can.
Wishing you a sense of peace...
Medicine can only do so much when circumstances are upsetting like when you are grieving. But it can help a little. Can you call your doctor who prescribes the meds, tell him/her what is going on and see if you can go up a bit on some meds or add something else to help you through this difficult time a bit?
A grief support group might be most helpful to you. I found much comfort in posting here, as you might too, but talking with others who are grieving can be a lifeline.
It is so hard that you had two such losses so close together....sometimes when it rains it pours. I am so sorry you are having to go through this one after the other, but talking your doctor about possible adjustments and talking about your feelings here and in a grief support group might help you stay out of the most crippling depression that might put you in the hospital again.
It is a sad, sad fact of life that sometimes there's no way out of the dark tunnel except to just go through it until we reach the light. You are on a difficult part of your journey...please reach out to others to lean on and support you through it whereever, however you can.
Wishing you a sense of peace...
Thanks
Thanks for the quick reply
unfortunitly, the things that made my depression kind of go away was my dad and my dog...they were the two beings that helped me the most.I now really dont have any support system in place. And the worse thing about it is I really dont want one...which for me is proof that this beast is returning.
unfortunitly, the things that made my depression kind of go away was my dad and my dog...they were the two beings that helped me the most.I now really dont have any support system in place. And the worse thing about it is I really dont want one...which for me is proof that this beast is returning.
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shatteredhopes
- Posts: 664
- Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:39 am
- Location: U.S.
I am so sorry to hear...I lost my pets a few years ago in traumatic fashion and they were so helpful to me in my depression and I went insane for over a year, hearing voices, suicidal...I lost my dad just a little over a year ago...
Please contact the doctor. He or she can maybe direct you to grief support groups, I know what it is to want to give up when you have lost your loved ones, your safety net, but please make the effort to find a way to survive even though you may not want to right now...
This sounds callous, as I know very well you cannot replace your beloved dog, but there are sooooo many animals at shelters in need of a loving home and maybe you can't bring your loved ones back, but you can open your heart to another and save a life in the process. After my cat of 16 years died, I was devastated and could not even sleep in my bed because used to cuddle him going to sleep...I went to the shelter and got a kitten. It was one of the best decisions I could have made...she was a wonderful little amusing thing that kept me entertained and while I still missed my beloved cat, my heart grew and was big enough to love her so very much. They are all different with their own personalities and I know everyone says wait until you grieve and get over it, but for someone like me who needed that love and ability to nurture something in the midst of severe depression, I am so glad I got her. I know I would be doing much better if I were in a position to have animals in my life again. It left a gapping hole...training a puppy for instance is very time consuming, but so rewarding.
Do you have other family members? Friends you can talk to? Please contact your doctor and get a support system in place. You are worth it. I talk to my dad sometimes, believing he just might hear me. Writing things down or posting here helps me too. You have a big gapping hole right now in your life and you need to find something to hang on to, I know from experience, and it leaves you so vulnerable to getting so much more ill or people who aren't good for you...so worried for you (((((((((((((millseyy))))))))) and want you to seek some help whereever you can and do what you can to cope in a healthy way.
Please contact the doctor. He or she can maybe direct you to grief support groups, I know what it is to want to give up when you have lost your loved ones, your safety net, but please make the effort to find a way to survive even though you may not want to right now...
This sounds callous, as I know very well you cannot replace your beloved dog, but there are sooooo many animals at shelters in need of a loving home and maybe you can't bring your loved ones back, but you can open your heart to another and save a life in the process. After my cat of 16 years died, I was devastated and could not even sleep in my bed because used to cuddle him going to sleep...I went to the shelter and got a kitten. It was one of the best decisions I could have made...she was a wonderful little amusing thing that kept me entertained and while I still missed my beloved cat, my heart grew and was big enough to love her so very much. They are all different with their own personalities and I know everyone says wait until you grieve and get over it, but for someone like me who needed that love and ability to nurture something in the midst of severe depression, I am so glad I got her. I know I would be doing much better if I were in a position to have animals in my life again. It left a gapping hole...training a puppy for instance is very time consuming, but so rewarding.
Do you have other family members? Friends you can talk to? Please contact your doctor and get a support system in place. You are worth it. I talk to my dad sometimes, believing he just might hear me. Writing things down or posting here helps me too. You have a big gapping hole right now in your life and you need to find something to hang on to, I know from experience, and it leaves you so vulnerable to getting so much more ill or people who aren't good for you...so worried for you (((((((((((((millseyy))))))))) and want you to seek some help whereever you can and do what you can to cope in a healthy way.
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
thank you
You really get it, I can tell you have been through this. Another bummer with this situation is I would LOVE to get another dog. I moved into a really nice Apt. in a big house last May. After a break up( its been a very bad year) In the meantime I kept Bond at my dads..I had trouble finding a place that would let me have a dog. I had to find a place quick and close to my dad and dog. I lucked out and did. The dog was great for my dad and I saw both of them just about everyday. When my dad started getting sick the women said I could keep Bond there even though she has 2 dogs herself and diden't really want the tenant to have any pets. I was at my dads on January 4,5,6 and started to see Bond not eating and laying around. I took him on walks and hikes all the time so Iwas worried. I took him to the vet on the 6th.He could barley walk at this point and the vet said to take him to the animal hospital right away because he was very sick. I am crying as I am writing this. I left him there at 12 am. got a call at about 1am, the doctor said he was dying and he did as I was on the phone with her. My father died March 13th It is gettuing worse,not better. I dont think she will let me have anymore pets...I am thinking of ways to ask her.But it doesnt look good
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shatteredhopes
- Posts: 664
- Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:39 am
- Location: U.S.
Talk to your landlady, and if there's any way you can swing it, offer her a little extra monthly money and special security deposit...she may not want any more animals but money talks sometimes and if you can convey a little about how helpful an animal would be for you, maybe she will give in! If she will not let you have a dog, maybe an indoor cat? Cats can be so amusing and sweet and fun. What about a bird? Can the landlady meanwhile let you spend some time with her dogs, just to walk or cuddle a little? Pet therapy is really wonderful...one thing you might want to do, you MIGHT not CERTAIN but might be able to get your pet classified as helping animal for your depression so you would have persmission to keep it as necessary for your health rather than just any pet...talk to your doctor, if in the US, St. Francis of Assisi (sp?) foundation works with helping dogs for the blind and disabled, there may be a way they can get you a classification for a pet so it is for your 'disability' so landlords have to bend rules for you...I don't know, just a thought...
Sounds pathetic, I know, but I bought a little fuzzy stuffed dog that had the same coloring as one of mine and hold and pet it sometimes when I cry and can't cope.
I am so sorry to hear about your break up too. After a serious of losses and basically the eviseration of my life and safety net and loss of almost everything I loved, I got involved with a man who was toxic at time when I was fragile and just barely starting to rebuild. He hurt me a lot throughout the relationship then dumped me 6 months ago, harshly at that, and moved quickly on with someone else. It has set me back so far that I am about as bad as I've ever been....just fortunate that I am not hearing voices and am sane at least...extreme grief and trauma can do that, drive you insane in some cases...that's why I am so worried for you and want you to do what you can to get healthy support...I would hate to see you travel the road I have or worse...it is tempting when we are feeling so alone and vulnerable and grieving so many losses to do things that may be toxic for us, like self-medicating with booze or drugs or getting involved with the wrong people...
One thing I can suggest to you is try not to worry too much about the future just get through each moment as best you can. Find simple pleasures and comforts that you can treat yourself to and spoil yourself in whatever ways you can...you are hurting and sometimes we have no one to nurture us in our pain but ourselves....writing, drawing, music, anything creative may help...it hurts when doing it but often gives a sense of relief afterwards, a little release. Do you work or have any projects to keep you occupied some of the time...some sort of limited distraction? Do you have any other family especially to talk about memories of your dad with and go through grieving together? Friends you can spend some time with?
Worried for you (((((((((((millseyy)))))))))))) as loss of the two main 'support systems' in your life in such close order leave you very vulnerable. Please please please call your doctor. Go in the hospital a bit if you need to or do whatever you can to find a support group...post here as much as you want or need or find helpful, as people here will respond and offer what little support we can.
Grieving is probably the most difficult thing we have to do in life, but even for people like us, I believe we can find ways to go through it without catastrophic consequences on our mental health if we have the right support. Please seek as much support as you can...
Sounds pathetic, I know, but I bought a little fuzzy stuffed dog that had the same coloring as one of mine and hold and pet it sometimes when I cry and can't cope.
I am so sorry to hear about your break up too. After a serious of losses and basically the eviseration of my life and safety net and loss of almost everything I loved, I got involved with a man who was toxic at time when I was fragile and just barely starting to rebuild. He hurt me a lot throughout the relationship then dumped me 6 months ago, harshly at that, and moved quickly on with someone else. It has set me back so far that I am about as bad as I've ever been....just fortunate that I am not hearing voices and am sane at least...extreme grief and trauma can do that, drive you insane in some cases...that's why I am so worried for you and want you to do what you can to get healthy support...I would hate to see you travel the road I have or worse...it is tempting when we are feeling so alone and vulnerable and grieving so many losses to do things that may be toxic for us, like self-medicating with booze or drugs or getting involved with the wrong people...
One thing I can suggest to you is try not to worry too much about the future just get through each moment as best you can. Find simple pleasures and comforts that you can treat yourself to and spoil yourself in whatever ways you can...you are hurting and sometimes we have no one to nurture us in our pain but ourselves....writing, drawing, music, anything creative may help...it hurts when doing it but often gives a sense of relief afterwards, a little release. Do you work or have any projects to keep you occupied some of the time...some sort of limited distraction? Do you have any other family especially to talk about memories of your dad with and go through grieving together? Friends you can spend some time with?
Worried for you (((((((((((millseyy)))))))))))) as loss of the two main 'support systems' in your life in such close order leave you very vulnerable. Please please please call your doctor. Go in the hospital a bit if you need to or do whatever you can to find a support group...post here as much as you want or need or find helpful, as people here will respond and offer what little support we can.
Grieving is probably the most difficult thing we have to do in life, but even for people like us, I believe we can find ways to go through it without catastrophic consequences on our mental health if we have the right support. Please seek as much support as you can...
Hi all
I am not good today...the wreched lonlyness I am feeling without my 2 buddys is really starting to get to me I have tried to rationilize that this is a part of life...its not working and it seems everyday is getting worse...I cant stop thinking about my Bond...I went to a local lake to meet an old friend we went to school together. It was a date really and she is so nice and all I could think about was this is the very lake that I would bring my buddy for long walks for 12 yrs. I put on a brave face but cried all the way home...I know...how lame...I miss him so much I feel like my heads gonna explode
I am not good today...the wreched lonlyness I am feeling without my 2 buddys is really starting to get to me I have tried to rationilize that this is a part of life...its not working and it seems everyday is getting worse...I cant stop thinking about my Bond...I went to a local lake to meet an old friend we went to school together. It was a date really and she is so nice and all I could think about was this is the very lake that I would bring my buddy for long walks for 12 yrs. I put on a brave face but cried all the way home...I know...how lame...I miss him so much I feel like my heads gonna explode
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shatteredhopes
- Posts: 664
- Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:39 am
- Location: U.S.
No ((((((((Millseyy)))))))) its not at all lame to grieve those you love, its extremely difficult for anyone to lose those they love the most, be they human or animal. Plus you have had these losses so close together, it can be overwhelming.
But GOOD FOR YOU for at least trying to get out and be with people by going on a date...maybe if you have a second date you could go to a coffee shop or somewhere not associated with your losses? I am worried for you friend, but despite how rotten you are doing on the inside you are at least trying to cope in healthy ways showing you are stronger than you think, and mentally healthier than you think.
It may be too much or it may be just the ticket...could you think maybe about volunteering for an animal rescue shelter to walk some dogs and play with them a bit? Animals in shelters must feel so lost and alone, and it would be great for them to be treated to a little walk or playing around, and might help you...might be worse on you though, I don't know how you feel about that.
Proud of you friend for going on a date and instead of isolating completely and giving up. While we don't ever completely getting over losing loved ones, it will get easier with time I am sure. And doing things for yourself to build a new support system will help you along the road to some healing.
Wishing you some comfort and peace...
But GOOD FOR YOU for at least trying to get out and be with people by going on a date...maybe if you have a second date you could go to a coffee shop or somewhere not associated with your losses? I am worried for you friend, but despite how rotten you are doing on the inside you are at least trying to cope in healthy ways showing you are stronger than you think, and mentally healthier than you think.
It may be too much or it may be just the ticket...could you think maybe about volunteering for an animal rescue shelter to walk some dogs and play with them a bit? Animals in shelters must feel so lost and alone, and it would be great for them to be treated to a little walk or playing around, and might help you...might be worse on you though, I don't know how you feel about that.
Proud of you friend for going on a date and instead of isolating completely and giving up. While we don't ever completely getting over losing loved ones, it will get easier with time I am sure. And doing things for yourself to build a new support system will help you along the road to some healing.
Wishing you some comfort and peace...
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TackingIntoTheWind
- Posts: 1060
- Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:35 am
- Location: South Wales
What you're feeling about missing walking by the lake with your buddy is NOT lame. It is quite understandable. It reminds me of the time, a few years ago, when a close friend of mine was in Tenerife on holiday when his cat died. He was very upset because his Mother, ( Now unfortunately deceased. ) had given him this cat when the cat was a kitten. So, when his cat died he lost his last link with his Mother.
(((( shatteredhopes )))) is right to say that you ARE doing well in not isolating yourself ( A mistake I made when I was at my lowest. 
), and you're also doing well in reminding yourself of your own coping skills.
I know it's not easy, but do hang in there, y'hear?!
(((( shatteredhopes )))) is right to say that you ARE doing well in not isolating yourself ( A mistake I made when I was at my lowest.
), and you're also doing well in reminding yourself of your own coping skills.
I know it's not easy, but do hang in there, y'hear?!
Thanks to both of you...but I am so far from peace and comfort that it sems like a galaxy away. I do tend to isolate when these bad times come and I know it is the worst thing I can do. I hope I am up for that battle. The other thing I tend to do is sleep...sleep and more sleep. I also have to fight that urge...which comes with me having enough disciplin and strength...only time will tell...god bless
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