Back from Hospital

[Mich]

Today is my son's 15th birthday and I must do my very best today to be cheerful and upbeat. He does not need a depressed mother on his special day. I wish I had gone easier at my psychiatrist appt yesterday. When I have really tough, revealing discussions with my psych I always feel extra low the next day. I have a few more hours to wallow in my own misery before I have to pick him up from school.
I am really digging deep in therapy with my psychiatrist these days. I am writing things down for him to read at the start of the appt and then we launch the discussion from there. I am getting into very intimate details of my abuse and while this feels very uncomfortable while it is happening, it does feel like a weight is being lifted after 40 years of carrying it. I can only hope that a lessening of my depression will follow.

[xn728]

(((((mich)))))) strange i was just logging on to say hi to you and ask how you were ,but you answerd that already ,,im glad your opening up mich its painful i know but as you say im sure a weight will lift for you ,,stay with it mich ,,i miss your input on the forum ,,and will be glad when your more active ,,,happy birthday to your son mmm 15 he,ll be a man before you know it mich ,,i remember the girls at that age ,,,scrutanising their boyfreinds and looking like a tough guy at them ,,lol,,,,,,nice to hear you mich keep us updated ,,love hugs kenny xxxxx

[lisalou]

dearest mich, glad you feel your therapy is beginning to help you. hope your son's birthday went well yesterday

[xn728]

hello (((((mich))))) hi how are you doing today mich ,,did you sons birthday go we,ll i bet it did ,,oh mich its been a rough week or so ,,
jeeze ,if we could all have a break away from this pain ,at least we all have each other to talk to ,,,even if were in pain we can still leave messages ,,and they do give us a lift ,,i hope they do that for you mich ,,,ok mich im very tired ,im sure we will talk soon ,,
you take damn good care of yourself (((((mich))))),,hugs lots of love kennyxxxx

[Misty]

((((Mich))))

Just a note to see how you are doing and give you a hug.

Misty

"A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl." Stephan Hoeller

[shatteredhopes]

((((((((((((((((Mich))))))))))))) my sister, so proud of/for you for opening up in therapy; I really think if I had been able to talk about the most traumatizing stuff in therapy, I might be much better off right now. Hard as it is, you have to clean out the wound before you can stitch it, otherwise infection just festers underneath...hope you find some healing out of all this.

Hope your son's birthday went well. If nothing else, be proud of yourself for being there for your kids when it is so hard with your depression, you are digging deep to put them first and putting your suffering on hold to give them a good life. You are a wonderful mother. And that is one of the most important jobs on the planet!

[xn728]

hope your doing alright (((((mich ))))),,really feel helpless not being able to reach you in some way and help you feel a little better ,,i know the hell you are suffering mich ,,and all i can do is pray to my god ,that you see some light soon ,,the candle is lit mich ,,,please stay safe ..we miss you ,
hugs lots of love kenny xxxxx

[hollyann]

((((((((((mich)))))))))) thinking of you, and we are all here for you and rooting for you. It will get better for you. Hope your son had a good birthday.

[lisalou]

hi mich, hope you are keeping safe and know that we are all thinking of you and sending you love

Lisa xxxx

[xn728]

hey (((((mich ))))) stay with it mich no matter how hard it seems ,,like lisa says we all love and worry about you ,,the storm never seems to pass for you mich it seems so unfair ,,,,if i were the wind i would blow that dark cloud so far away it would never touch you again ,,,take care mich ,,,miss you hugs (((((mich ))))) lots of love kennyxxxxx

[xn728]

how is it today mich ,,does your silence tell me your still in the grip of that dark beast ,,if only i could take away that shadow ,so you could feel some light on your face mich ,,all i can say is im here for you ,,myself and all your freinds here ,,were all thinking about you dearest mich ,,,so goodnight my freind ,,and we,ll talk again soon ,,,hugs (((((mich)))))
love kenny xxxxx

[xn728]

Hi mich just popping in to say hello ,,how are you doing today ,,please take care mich no more hurting yourself ,,,,we miss you mich ,i miss you ,
im sure you will talk soon ,,,prayers for some relief for you soon mich
hugs (((((((((mich lots of love kenny xxxxx)))))))),,GOODNIGHT !!

[Mich]

Thank you everyone for your caring. It really touches my heart. I am suffering a great deal and it is a comfort to know I have friends here. I am going crazy with depression today. The pain is unbearable. I am not hurting myself by cutting or overdosing but I have been starving myself. I am very light headed and passing out frequently but it's what I need to do to dull this emotional pain. Even though I am actively in therapy, I still feel like I have so much bottled up inside; so much pain that has to get out, has to be released. I just don't know how to do it. I really want to scream at the top of my lungs and cry my heart out but I just cannot do it. There is a block there. I am not sure how I will get through the day.

[crystalgaze]

Hi there Mich! ((((((((((((((((((( Mich )))))))))))))))))))))))

I just wanted to send a hug to you.... Let's both hang in there, ok?

I'm a little out of it, but really I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you! Hope there will be better days soon for us both!


((((((((( Mich ))))))))))))))

All my love....!

[xn728]

thankyou for talking to us((((( mich ))))),,i can rest a little easier now ,,knowing your safe ,,in pain i know you are ,,and i can only hold you in my thoughts ,,stay with us mich ,,the candles burns ,,,always ,,please take good care ,,hugs lots of love ken ,,xxxxxx