Trying to keep a positive outlook

[Leslie32]

I began the day with somewhat of a positive outlook on my life. As I drove my car, I began thinking that perhaps, in some instances, forward progress requires some side stepping or backwards movement. Put another way--perhaps I needed to hit rock bottom and feel as though everything in my life was falling apart so that I could figure out what it is that I truly want and straighten out all of the problems that I have faced for so many years.

I was starting to think that although things have been tough lately, things are really starting to fall into place.

That was this morning. One basketball practice and a couple of hours later, I couldn't feel any worse. My coach is brutal sometimes. I try not to listen to her negative comments or take them to heart, but the truth is, I can't help it. By the middle of practice I was feeling completely and entirely inadequate. My body was going through the motions but I couldn't muster the strength to really try and be excited. I didn't want to be there. But then again, I didn't really want to be anywhere. And I don't know how they fail to see it. I don't know how my coaches and teammates manage NOT to notice that I am not only feeling bad about my play, but so depressed that I don't even know what to do with myself.

I counted down the minutes of practice feeling so alone, walked back to my room by myself, and here I am.
I realize now that my life is far from being back together again. I'm not sure what to do. My college career has been marked by academic and athletic accomplishments....but I'm a disaster.
Most often I find myself wishing I could see who and what it is that other people think I am. I feel as if I'm just doing okay--just tredding water. I know that this is not the case. But I dont ever feel that way. My accomplishments don't bring me any happiness, but my failures (whether they be little things done on a daily basis or etc) make me absolutely miserable.

I know that i'm babbling and I have to run. But I was just wondering does anyone have suggestions as to how to stay focused on the good in life and prevent oneself from being drawn into the realm of self-destructive negative thinking?

[xn728]

IM SORRY LESLIE32 i cant tell you how to keep going ,,we just seem to have that hidden ability ,ive been like this for 43 years and many times ive felt like i cant carry on ,,,i do have a loving family so i would never hurt myself ,,,i always find the strentgh to keep going ,,you know the very illness that trys to destroy us gives us gifts ,,the gift of compassion
and understanding are but just two of theses ,,deppression will lie and trick you ,,i feel you need to look inside for more of these gifts ,,i know the pain you talk of ,,only yesterday i had feelings of suicide ,,but i knew they would pass ,,and today i feel low but better ,,you are strong ,my
dear freind close your eyes and look with your mind ,,now turn around and see how far down this long road you have traveled ,,you are indeed
strong ,but the darkness makes you blind ,,let me take your pain for a while ,so you may rest ,,,,we all walk this road together ,,we may not see each other ,,but we are here ,and your not alone ,,the warmth of the forum will keep us safe ,,,,and the kind words from our freinds will help to
guide us ,,,,never alone my freind ,,,,,,,,,,,,,hugs xn728 ken xxx