I always find this time of the year hard going. The " fag-end " of the year. ( For the benefit of our American cousins, and to avoid any unfortunate confusion, perhaps I should explain that " fag-end " is the stub of a cigarette that's too short to be smoked any further. Cigarettes often being referred to as " fags ", particularly in England. Oscar Wilde was right when he said that Britain and America were two countries divided by a common language! ) The time between Christmas and New Year. The 'buses aren't really running, most of the places and things that I use to distract myself from my anxiety and depression are either closed or suspended for this week, and most of my friends are with their families, so I'd feel awkward about dropping in. And, the local electricity company are threatening to cut off my electricity because I haven't paid them. ( Actually, this shouldn't be a problem hopefully, an earlier bill has obviously not been delivered, so I haven't paid it, so they've sent me one of their " Friendly Reminders ". They should receive the bill payment before anything unfortunate happens. Afterall, without electricity I could end up watching TV in the dark! Sorry, old joke! But, not exactly feeling feeling the love from them! )
I'm trying to keep my feelings of isolation and disconnectedness in perspective, but I am struggling with feelings of loneliness, vulnerabilty and defencelessness. They are so many people in the city centre, but I don't know any of them. They're just strangers in the rain, and groups of strangers, or families of strangers, or couples of strangers at that, and I'm just me, allocating reserve power to the shields and structural integrity fields, and trying to keeps the despair at bay.
Sorry to whine on. Still, waxing poetic about feelings of doom and gloom is part of my Celtic heritage. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I'm so glad to be back on this site!!!!
And part two of the Doctor Who Christmas special is on on New Year's Day! And I'm watching a really good film about World War One, and I can't wait to see who wins! ( Sorry, another old joke! But, they help me cope and keep me sane(ish)! )
Crossing The Void
Moderators: windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Sunlily92, Astrid
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TackingIntoTheWind
- Posts: 1060
- Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:35 am
- Location: South Wales
your not alone
hey tacking into the wind ,my welsh freind ,here in england ,only an hour and a half away of course ,,done it loads of times in the lorry ,,,,,i to feel all these things i do have a family of course ,,but im alone with my illness also ,so dont feel alone im here to thinking about you ,it cant be nice being cut off like that i know public transports not good as you say ,hols
will be over soon and well all be back to normal ,,,wrong word to use lol
but you know what i mean ,,,so ill pop over and well pull up a chair and we,ll watch the telle for a while ,but you must promise NO LEEKS ,,,,ive been to wales many times and they have nt got me yet lol ,,joking aside
ill be thinking of you along with all my other freinds. stay safe hugs ken xxx
will be over soon and well all be back to normal ,,,wrong word to use lol
but you know what i mean ,,,so ill pop over and well pull up a chair and we,ll watch the telle for a while ,but you must promise NO LEEKS ,,,,ive been to wales many times and they have nt got me yet lol ,,joking aside
ill be thinking of you along with all my other freinds. stay safe hugs ken xxx
Hello Tacking Into The Wind. Read your post and just wanted to say hello and sorry you're so alone right now. I did have to chuckle about the language barrier thing when you were explaining to us "american cousins,' about the meaning of fag. The reason is I met this fellow from England
a few years ago and we were talking one day and he said he needed to get his trucking fixed. I just sort of stared at him and didn't know what the heck he was talking about until he noticed the puzzled look on my face and explained it was the steering on his automobile. There were other 'duh moments' but you get the picture. I found it fun and quite interesting as different cultures and peoples have always fascinated me. I haven't traveled the world, except in books, but when that's all you got, then it has to do. I hope things get better for you and I thought your 'welsh' sounded nice. The more I'm around people, the more I love my animals.
a few years ago and we were talking one day and he said he needed to get his trucking fixed. I just sort of stared at him and didn't know what the heck he was talking about until he noticed the puzzled look on my face and explained it was the steering on his automobile. There were other 'duh moments' but you get the picture. I found it fun and quite interesting as different cultures and peoples have always fascinated me. I haven't traveled the world, except in books, but when that's all you got, then it has to do. I hope things get better for you and I thought your 'welsh' sounded nice. The more I'm around people, the more I love my animals.
the time between xmas and new year is indeed a strange one my friend, there's such an empty greyness about it. and of course it's been p***ing rain constantly. glad for you that the holidays will soon be over and you can keep yourself occupied again. have you ever thought about joining a depression support group? don't like to think of you feeling isolated. i'm sure there must be specialist welsh groups where depressives self-medicate with leeks and coal and can write poems entitled 'how grim was my valley'
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TackingIntoTheWind
- Posts: 1060
- Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:35 am
- Location: South Wales
Thanks for the support, Ken, Gwefra and Lisa Lou! I'm feeling a little better today, the sun is shining(ish) and I'm pushing my mood up the hill with classic Celtic stubborness.
Ken, speaking as a true-born Welshman, I have to make a shameful confession about leeks. Truth be told I....( gulp )....don't like them either! The shame of it! Please don't tell any of my fellow Welsh people, promise?
Gwefra, you reminded of a comic I used to read,back in the 80's I think it was, a comic titled " Peter Cannon: Thunderbolt. " The central character, Thunderbolt was an American superhero, but he operated out of London, UK, where the action was set. And, while the comic was published in the US the comic's writer was British. This caused a certain amount of confusion, so the letters column of one of the early issues actually included a mini-glossary of British terms and their US equivalents, to alleviate confusion on the part of the mostly-US readership!
Lisa Lou, I haven't heard of a depression support group in my area, although I do attend a local Mind Chess group on Monday afternoons when I can.
It's ironic that you should mention self-medicating with leeks and coal, as some years ago I visited the Big Pit Museum at Blaenavon. I was a volunteer helper with a local adult literacy group at the time, and we all went to this old coal mine that had been opened up as an industrial museum. We all went down and had a tour of the mine, and at one point the guide extinguished all the lights, so that we could experience the absolute pitch-darkness of the mine. That was a very strange experience. I'm sooooo glad my family background is in paper-pushing and not mining! Also the guide told us before we went down the mine that the cables that raise and lower the lift in the lift shaft were only made of tightly-woven horse-hair(UNREASSURING!) However, as we all left we all bought a small bag of souvenir coal from Blaenavon pit, which I still have. In fact, I take it out of a cupboard and look at it when I feel the need to reconnect with my Celtic industrial forebears......!
As for your suggestion of writing poetry entitled " How Grim Was My Valley? ", you've obviously been to the Valleys!
Ken, speaking as a true-born Welshman, I have to make a shameful confession about leeks. Truth be told I....( gulp )....don't like them either! The shame of it! Please don't tell any of my fellow Welsh people, promise?
Gwefra, you reminded of a comic I used to read,back in the 80's I think it was, a comic titled " Peter Cannon: Thunderbolt. " The central character, Thunderbolt was an American superhero, but he operated out of London, UK, where the action was set. And, while the comic was published in the US the comic's writer was British. This caused a certain amount of confusion, so the letters column of one of the early issues actually included a mini-glossary of British terms and their US equivalents, to alleviate confusion on the part of the mostly-US readership!
Lisa Lou, I haven't heard of a depression support group in my area, although I do attend a local Mind Chess group on Monday afternoons when I can.
It's ironic that you should mention self-medicating with leeks and coal, as some years ago I visited the Big Pit Museum at Blaenavon. I was a volunteer helper with a local adult literacy group at the time, and we all went to this old coal mine that had been opened up as an industrial museum. We all went down and had a tour of the mine, and at one point the guide extinguished all the lights, so that we could experience the absolute pitch-darkness of the mine. That was a very strange experience. I'm sooooo glad my family background is in paper-pushing and not mining! Also the guide told us before we went down the mine that the cables that raise and lower the lift in the lift shaft were only made of tightly-woven horse-hair(UNREASSURING!) However, as we all left we all bought a small bag of souvenir coal from Blaenavon pit, which I still have. In fact, I take it out of a cupboard and look at it when I feel the need to reconnect with my Celtic industrial forebears......!
As for your suggestion of writing poetry entitled " How Grim Was My Valley? ", you've obviously been to the Valleys!
TackingIntoTheWind - it was great to see that you started a thread. I understand your feeling of loneliness and isolation. This time of year is particularly hard. Whilst my family members are all busy with their own pursuits today, I am going to trek in to my favourite coffee shop and sit with a coffee for awhile. Perhaps you could do that too....sometimes just people watching can make me feel better.
I thought I would tell you that I love reading your posts with your Welsh sense of humour. Always brings a little lightness to my day. Thanks for that. Wishing you well today....Mich.
I thought I would tell you that I love reading your posts with your Welsh sense of humour. Always brings a little lightness to my day. Thanks for that. Wishing you well today....Mich.
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TackingIntoTheWind
- Posts: 1060
- Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:35 am
- Location: South Wales
Thanks for all the support everyone! I'm starting to feel better now that things are starting to " reboot " after the holiday season. I wouldn't want anyone to think that I'm a Scrooge, I do like Christmas in a religious and " Dickensian " peace-on-Earth-goodwill-to-all-men sort of way. But, I find it hard sometimes to be " alone for the holidays " as the cliche has it. I'm even feeling slightly anticipatory about going back to work on Monday. Although, I'm not sure that " normality " is a word I would ever associate with the British Civil Service!
Mich, I feel the same about coffee shops and peoplewatching. In fact, that's what I did yesterday. I watched the traditional New Year's Day concert from Vienna on BBC2 in the morning. ( BBC2 is roughly the equivalent of PBS in the US, the particular home of music programmes, documentaries etc. I don't know what the Canadian equivalent would be. ) Then, when I felt like I wanted some fresh air, and not many places were open. I walked to my nearest Starbucks and sat in there for a couple of hours, peoplewatching, finishing the previous day's Guardian newspaper, and sending a couple of Happy New Year texts to some friends. ( Starbucks is a particularly famous Welsh success-story, it's been so successful it's even grown from it's Welsh origins to dpread worldwide, even as far as the US and Canada. )
I'm not sure if my workmates would agree with you about my sense of humour thoug. I'd be the first to admit that I have a tendency towards bad puns!
Gwefra, it doesn't surprise when you say that you are a bit of a comic.I've heard rumours about Oklahoma City and it's wild ways. Is it true that New Yorkers and Californians have been know to flee Oklahoma City because they can't take the fast-paced lifestyle there?!
Mich, I feel the same about coffee shops and peoplewatching. In fact, that's what I did yesterday. I watched the traditional New Year's Day concert from Vienna on BBC2 in the morning. ( BBC2 is roughly the equivalent of PBS in the US, the particular home of music programmes, documentaries etc. I don't know what the Canadian equivalent would be. ) Then, when I felt like I wanted some fresh air, and not many places were open. I walked to my nearest Starbucks and sat in there for a couple of hours, peoplewatching, finishing the previous day's Guardian newspaper, and sending a couple of Happy New Year texts to some friends. ( Starbucks is a particularly famous Welsh success-story, it's been so successful it's even grown from it's Welsh origins to dpread worldwide, even as far as the US and Canada. )
I'm not sure if my workmates would agree with you about my sense of humour thoug. I'd be the first to admit that I have a tendency towards bad puns!
Gwefra, it doesn't surprise when you say that you are a bit of a comic.I've heard rumours about Oklahoma City and it's wild ways. Is it true that New Yorkers and Californians have been know to flee Oklahoma City because they can't take the fast-paced lifestyle there?!
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TackingIntoTheWind
- Posts: 1060
- Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:35 am
- Location: South Wales
I have to be honest and admit that Starbucks isn't really Welsh! I believe it first started in Seattle, USA.
Wales is quite a small country, but very proud of it's identity. Welsh people may not be sure what our identity actually is, but we're definitely proud of it.! ( In fact there's an old joke that says if you put ten Welsh people in a room, you'll get eleven different opinions! ) So, in a spirit of insecurity and over-compensation, there's a traditional Welsh strand of humour that says that anyone or anything that is particularly good, wise, attractive or successful must " really " be Welsh. EG: A local newspaper, the South Wales Echo, once published a humourous book about how to be Welsh, in which it claimed that several successful and historic people were in fact Welsh. Including the claim that the first man on the moon had actually been born in Wales under the name Neil Armstrong-Jones!
Wales is quite a small country, but very proud of it's identity. Welsh people may not be sure what our identity actually is, but we're definitely proud of it.! ( In fact there's an old joke that says if you put ten Welsh people in a room, you'll get eleven different opinions! ) So, in a spirit of insecurity and over-compensation, there's a traditional Welsh strand of humour that says that anyone or anything that is particularly good, wise, attractive or successful must " really " be Welsh. EG: A local newspaper, the South Wales Echo, once published a humourous book about how to be Welsh, in which it claimed that several successful and historic people were in fact Welsh. Including the claim that the first man on the moon had actually been born in Wales under the name Neil Armstrong-Jones!
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shatteredhopes
- Posts: 664
- Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:39 am
- Location: U.S.
So glad to see you started a thread my friend! I too was lonely over the holidays and sad...I spent xmas day mostly cleaning my kitchen so as not to think about it...that i was with my ex last year and alone this year. Friends have their own families, and most of my friends are more casual and inviting myself to their homes for an intimate occassion such as xmas or new year's just not appropriate.
Glad you got out to the Starbucks. That helps me too, go somewhere with a book and just be around people, sometimes end up in conversations with them or a little friendly banter about the pastries and such while waiting in line.
They are over, valentines day may be bad, but won't have the extent of reminders...couldn't watch television hardly for all the xmas movies and commercials with families and lovers just upset me...creating longing for the family i don't have, a mate, a purpose in life....you have a great sense of humor my friend that brings much needed smile to my face. I thought about you over the holidays and how you wouldn't be able to get to the library to access computer and get your cheese and toast, and felt so sad, as I know how much the little things mean in helping us get by.
But they are over! Yippee! and now you rejoin your friends here and will hoepfully get your electric bill straightened out. YOUR A SURVIVOR...you made it through. Be proud of yourself, as we are for you.
Sending you thoughts of peace and light for your day....
Glad you got out to the Starbucks. That helps me too, go somewhere with a book and just be around people, sometimes end up in conversations with them or a little friendly banter about the pastries and such while waiting in line.
They are over, valentines day may be bad, but won't have the extent of reminders...couldn't watch television hardly for all the xmas movies and commercials with families and lovers just upset me...creating longing for the family i don't have, a mate, a purpose in life....you have a great sense of humor my friend that brings much needed smile to my face. I thought about you over the holidays and how you wouldn't be able to get to the library to access computer and get your cheese and toast, and felt so sad, as I know how much the little things mean in helping us get by.
But they are over! Yippee! and now you rejoin your friends here and will hoepfully get your electric bill straightened out. YOUR A SURVIVOR...you made it through. Be proud of yourself, as we are for you.
Sending you thoughts of peace and light for your day....
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TackingIntoTheWind
- Posts: 1060
- Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:35 am
- Location: South Wales
Thanks very much Shatteredhopes! I'm feeling more hopeful now that I can get " out and about " again after the holidays.
In fact this lunchtime I had my usual cheese and toast at a cafe I often go into. So, I was able to have a bit of banter with the manageress, and then sit over my meal watching the world go by outside and reading today's Guardian newspaper.
I may always be able to feel my anxiety and depression lurking at the corners of my mind, but as you say, enjoying the little things in life really helps me cope.
And, being able to be part of this site really helps as well, of course!
And, I am fortunate in a having an active sense of humour, however quirky it may be!
In fact this lunchtime I had my usual cheese and toast at a cafe I often go into. So, I was able to have a bit of banter with the manageress, and then sit over my meal watching the world go by outside and reading today's Guardian newspaper.
I may always be able to feel my anxiety and depression lurking at the corners of my mind, but as you say, enjoying the little things in life really helps me cope.
And, being able to be part of this site really helps as well, of course!
And, I am fortunate in a having an active sense of humour, however quirky it may be!
Hi TackingIntoTheWind - I feel so silly and gullible! Now that you say it....of course I know that Starbucks was started in the USA. You gave me a good chuckle.
I am glad you are back into your routine. I look for you here everyday and it's just not the same when you are not around. We all made it through the holidays...a testament to the strength of all of us. I'm glad you enjoyed your cheese on toast today. It sounds like something my daughter enjoys that we call a grilled cheese sandwich....maybe I will make that for her today as she comes home for lunch on Mondays.
Take good care today.
I am glad you are back into your routine. I look for you here everyday and it's just not the same when you are not around. We all made it through the holidays...a testament to the strength of all of us. I'm glad you enjoyed your cheese on toast today. It sounds like something my daughter enjoys that we call a grilled cheese sandwich....maybe I will make that for her today as she comes home for lunch on Mondays.
Take good care today.
cheese on toast / grilled cheese sandwich.... mighty tasty whatever it's called!!!! it is indeed the little things that keep us going sometimes.
tackingintothewind - glad you are feeling better for getting back into the swing of things.
and shatteredhopes - great to see you posting again! well done for surviving xmas. i know it must have been really hard for you and i'm proud of you for getting through it
tackingintothewind - glad you are feeling better for getting back into the swing of things.
and shatteredhopes - great to see you posting again! well done for surviving xmas. i know it must have been really hard for you and i'm proud of you for getting through it
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