Dreading Christmas

[shatteredhopes]

((((((Mich))))))) Practice what you are going to say in your mind in possible responses from them and how you will respond. Do some deep breathing or take half a xanax, and force yourself through it. It will be a big relief once its done, right? Then you can treat yourself to your favorite coffee at the drive through for being so brave.

You can do this my sister, you are worth it. I am sorry your family doesn't seem to care...maybe its just they haven't lived it and don't understand so they don't know how to help and live in a kind of denial as a result...because they feel so powerless to help they just avoid it all together. Maybe you could think of some things they could do for you to make life a little easier, and tell them you are struggling and need them to do x, y, z...like taking on chores around the house, or whatever...they would probably worry if they truly knew...but you have us and we understand and are listening.

Just imagine and focus on the relief you will feel not to have the gathering with your parents. Try to let that motivate you to make the difficult call. Don't let them bully you into doing something even your doctor says you shouldn't do. Your health has to come first, or you will have nothing to give.

You show so much caring in this forum for others, you are stronger than you know...just look at all the times you have wanted to self harm but forced yourself instead to post and do less satisfying coping mechanisms. You are getting into so much with your therapist, its normal that you would feel especially vulnerable and upset right now. To talk about it is to relive it sometimes, and it must really hurt.

You are a strong, loving person...who gives and gives and gives to this forum and your family...give yourself a gift and cancel the gathering with your parents. Don't give them the power to make you feel bad about it either. Treat yourself to a coffee or bubble bath or whatever because this is a hard thing to do and you need to reward your courage in doing it and YOU ARE WORTH IT MY SISTER MY FRIEND.

Sending thoughts of love, strength, and hope your way...

[Mich]

Shatteredhopes - what a lovely comment. Thank you. You are building up my courage. Before I came up to the computer, my phone rang and I saw on the call display that it was my mother. I just froze. I couldn't pick it up. Then I ran outside so I wouldn't hear the message. I am so scared to go and listen to it. I know I have to do this. I am such a baby. I hate myself for being such a weak coward. OK...I am going to try to go and do it now.

[Mich]

I did it! I called my parents and cancelled Sunday's Christmas visit. I am very upset now as they were quite upset and tried to push me into going through with it. They also tried the angle of needing to borrow a golf club for their trip south and could they just come for a few minutes. I held firm. I know that "a few minutes" would not just be a few minutes but more like a few hours and that I could not handle. I have no klonopin or xanax left and my doctor has been refusing to give them to me lately. I am going to leave him a message and ask again. I really need one to calm down....even if he could just give me 1 or 2 that would help me through.

[dandelion]

just thought you need a warm hug now

(((((((((((((((((((((((( Mich ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Know that i am thinking of you and praying for your happiness

love
dandelion

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Respect is due! I'm glad that you cancelled your parents' visit. Glad because your heath is important, because YOU are important. I might say that this site is like a load-bearing chain, a chain is composed of links, none of which are " unimportant ". You contribute a lot to this site. I was nervous about joining this site let alone posting on it, so I was very grateful for the friendly welcoming message that you sent me.
Do take care of yourself, you are worth it!

[shatteredhopes]

YGG! So proud for you and of you! I know it was extremely difficult, but YOU DID IT!

Can you take a long hot shower or bath? Warm water calms me down and a bath is like an embrace. Deep breathing? Soothing music?

Reward yourself with something. Try to feel a sense of relief. AND BE PROUD OF YOURSELF as we all are for you.

Wishing you peace and serenity, sending calming thoughts your way...