still here

[Fourdave]

everyone has been so nice and I did not want you to think I gave up on me or any of you, just so tired, down really deep, it is creeping up on midnight and I took my new sleeping meds about 2 hours ago and here i sit wide awake my TP just sits there agreeing I've had a hard life.... I KNOW THAT.... so has a lot of people, I need to move on, be the me i dream of, but i can't, Life just does not make sense anymore, I feel confused, like I am playing a game and nobody told me the object of the game, how to win, or at least how to move forward.

I will try harder to keep in touch

Dave

[Mich]

I'm glad you posted again. I hope those sleep meds kicked in and you finally got some sleep. I am sorry to hear you are "in deep" as I know how agonizing that is. It can be paralyzing. If you can, try to do one pleasant thing for yourself today...it can be small...just one kind and gentle thing for yourself. Let us know how the day is going.

[shatteredhopes]

Hang in there. Beautiful but sad poem. I have found when I'm able to post what I'm feeling and get feedback it helps, and keeps me from isolating too much. Hope you can post more often.

Agree with the previous post, doing at least one nice thing for yourself. Small comforts mean a lot to me now. They are pretty much the only thing keeping me going.

Sending thoughts of peace your way...

[Fourdave]

thank you both
I sit here thinking about something nice I could do for myself, I just not sure what makes me feel good these days, things I used to do to make me feel better I now know weren't good for me and was actually making things worse , I am going to breakfast with my brother tomorrow, can't say its always the best, but i do miss seeing him more often ( darn social phobias ) I was thinking today that if someone walked up to me right now and offered to take all this away for a "price" i would do it whatever that price was. and yet I know the steps i need to take to start the the healing and yet I don't, can't, don't deserve to I guess. why am I here.... the eternal question I know....

Dave

just ran across this quote, and thought we all could keep it in mind......
Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".

[shatteredhopes]

YES YOU DO DESERVE TO HEAL. YOU ARE WORTH IT.

I have done my share of wrong and made my share of mistakes, but didn't deserve a lot of the bad things that happened in my life, I know on my good days. I try to be a good person, but I still mess up sometimes. That doesn't mean I deserve really bad things.

Your therapist agrees you have had a bad life. So you've had bad things happen TO YOU, it doesn't logically follow you are a bad person, but instead a hurt person.

You are special and unique with attributes all your own.

Something to comfort you...a cup of cocoa? A long hot shower? Curling up under a blanket and watching a movie you like? I don't know what you like, but something small...BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT. YES, YES YOU ARE.

We care and want you to heal...and want you to want that for yourself.

[xn728]

you are here dave ,because you were chosen by the darkness ,to carry this great burden ,and if you carry on as you do ,the dark will fail and you will stand victorious ,ive have done more wrong than most ,and ive told you before i deserve to suffer but i wont be beaten ,you are a dear freind here and you are part of the chain that makes us one ,i think i worry you dave ,but dont fear me ,i mean the best for everyone here ,and if i could take everyones pain and carry it away i would ,,,,im glad your still here dave ,,,,,ken xn728

[Fourdave]

thanks again, went to breakfast with my brother and sister this morning, it went ok finally finished putting new roof on shed, only took 3 weeks and should of been done in an afternoon, just such trouble getting motovated, after work i do not want to do anything anymore ,
Shatteredhopes: all those things sound very nice, thank you, just hard as I feel guilty doing things like that....

Ken: not to worry, I don't fear you, I am always glad to see you post to me

anyway
Dave