Struggling to exist

[Mich]

There is complete and terrifying darkness today. Every word, every action is a struggle. I hate myself so terribly and so completely. The fact that I have no "in person" friends is a testament to the fact that I am not a likeable person. I am dirty and filled with a poison that will taint me forever. There is no releasing it.

[lisalou]

no mich, you only have no 'in person' friends because i suspect you have been too depressed and shy for a long time to face being with people, depression makes socialising almost impossible, you have friends here, i think you are very likeable

lisa x

[xn728]

hi mich i like you very much as i do all my freinds on here ,if you look into that darkness you can see us all ,looking at you suffering in your pain
our /my thoughts are with you mich ,your pain is our pain to ,dont carry it alone ,ive done this once already today ,but i have room for a little more ,there you go ive reached in there and i have your pain .i,ll hold it for a while ,have a rest ,does it feel lighter ,it will soon mich it will soon ,,,,
,,,,,,thinking better things for you ,,,,,ken and freinds ,dont forget i have no freinds on the outside either ,it doesnt stop me living ,,,,,,,ken

[shatteredhopes]

I can't speak for you, but I know I used to have many close friends...suffered some betrayals and my own issues drove some away and now I only have two close friends. IT IS HARD FOR ME TO TRUST AND LET PEOPLE IN TO MY DARK WORLD, I feel unworthy sometimes, don't want to be a burden, and hesistate to trust because I fear being hurt or rejected. Plus, when you are so depressed you can't even brush your hair and teeth to leave the house (isolating) how on earth can you ever meet people? Its not a testament to your likeability, but like the other posters said, its very hard for us to socialize, and feel like we fit in...depression makes me feel inadequate at times, less than others, so I think why would they want to be my friend?

Can you listen to music? Take a hot bubble bath? Make some cocoa? Is there something small you can try to do to comfort yourself, like its a hug from all of us who truly care about you?

You are not alone! I care.

[xn728]

hey shatteredhopes ,mich will read these when she feel able ,and i know they will lift ,her ,it is not for us to fit in with other people ,all my life i have been persicuted,for being differant ,people know we are not the same as they are ,but it is something they cant understand ,no one who has not suffered true depression ,would not be able to crasp the concept ,oh ive had them all ,cheer up you miserable b,,,d
pull yourself together ,i wont say anymore your fully aware ,depression gives us special gifts ,understanding ,and compassion ,to name just a few ,if we can only find freindship and warmth here ,then so be it ,no freinds i had till i found my way here ,but now im very wealthy indeed ,
im humbeled by the gift given to me here ,,,,,,,,ken xn728

[crybaby1086]

I was sitting here reading everyones posts and thinking hey I have no friends either. My life is empty. No one loves me. But then I rember my riding coach whom I wrote about in another thread. She was always a great friend and I know she is someone I can count on. There are other ladies at the barn that have always been kind and fun to be around. And I'm sure if I sat and thought about it I could come up with more people. I think I am so lost in my depression that I have simply lost touch with people. That if I reached out some (not all) of them would come to my rescue. They are just waiting for me to notice them again. Now all I have to do is work up the courage to reach out. A monumental task for sure! Not sure when I will be up to doing that. In the meantime I'll be your friend and everyone elses on here as well !



I felt the need to clarify my post just in case someone miss understands me. I'm not trying to rub it is anyones face that I have friends. But am simply trying to make a point that maybe we all have friends that we have ,for lack of a better term, forgotten because of our illness. That if we reached out and told them what was going on they would be there for us. I know this is easier said then done. Especially when it is so hard even getting out of bed in the morning. (Wow I think I'm actually being hopefull and haveing a postive thought! Imagine that!)

[crystalgaze]

Hi there Mich... You know, I don't think that's it. We just haven't figured out a way to give the boot (once & for all) to what's bothering us.

Please take very good care. It's not about you not being likable.... ~smile~ It's just that social situations can be a little difficult. Please try not to be so hard on yourself.

Even if you are all those things you said (which I do NOT believe you are), you still have a chance to be something different. There is still hope.