I'm feeling good for a change

[jonathan]

So I had a terrible morning. I slept horribly, again, and I woke up feeling even worse. I was hurting a lot. It got better throughout the day somewhat, I went to school and did some work, came home and watched some TV.

Then I decided to visit my grandparents, and I ate dinner with them. It cheered me up some to see them. But I always feel guilty around them - they're very conservative, and I can't help but feel uneasy about my sexuality when I'm around them. But I love them dearly, and it did cheer me up to see them. I don't go and visit as much as I used to.

But I got home and was about to go into my "cave" (room) for the night, and I started feeling bad about myself again: "Here's another night to myself, alone to my thoughts, and another bad night's sleep."

However I had read some on here about exercise. I've heard it helps depression and mood swings, so I figured why the hell not? So I decided to go jogging. Walking just didn't seem strong enough, if that's the right word.

It was dark outside. For some reason it made me feel more comfortable. It's definitely fall here, and there was a chilly breeze. It was clear out, cool, and very beautiful - I love the fall.

It was amazing. My neighborhood is very uphill/downhill, so it made it a challenge. But I pushed myself to do it. My dog came with me the whole way. She got tired out a bit though and waited for me to double back. I jogged as far as I could, then walked a bit. But then I jogged back.

I just got back in a few minutes ago, and, for the moment, I feel really good about myself. There was something about running that made me forget about feeling down or bad, and I didn't have any negative thoughts. Even if this just lasts these few hours or so, or tonight, it was worth it. And I think I'll make it a goal to keep it up.

For now though, I'm gonna choose to do it at night still. Something about the daytime and having people see me makes me less motivated and more self-conscious about what I'm doing. And maybe it's just me, but there was something comforting about knowing it was just me there, doing it for myself.

I had to share my thoughts though. I hope everyone somehow finds moments to feel good about themselves like this.

[crystalgaze]

Yay! This is good! You've found a little something for yourself! Yay! Way to go!

[blueisgreen]

Awesome Jonathan! I hope each day brings you closer to a peaceful you.
- Blue

[lisalou]

keep on running!!! well done jonathan!!!

[Mich]

Wonderful! I love it that your dog came with you too. I'm glad you have found something good for you.