been a rough couple of days

[Fourdave]

last wed i was not feeling well, just really worn out and sick, anyway on Thursday morning i got up to use the bathroom and next thing I know i am on the ground with a real bad headache. once I got to my feet i was real dizzy, I remember making my way to the living room where my wife was. I remember thinking if i could just "shake" it off i would be OK and be able to get to work, my wife took me to the ER instead , of course because I passed out they ran ALL the test, the only thing they found was some sinus fluid..... today is the first day i have been up to getting up and around some.

OK now the funny part.... They really did not find anything (except sinus) so..... was it real? was i really that bad? did I make myself do that for some other reason? the only facts are, I did fall down, I was dizzy, I was not able to eat, and I missed 2 days of work and worried my family
but did i do that to myself somehow, am I that pathetic. everytime i think about it i tear up cause I know if my mom was still alive she would of just told me to straighten up and fly right, i know not always good advice, but i miss her sooooo bad anyway just needed to throw that out there

Dave

[crystalgaze]

Hi there Dave. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Dave)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I wasn't feeling that great either. Your wife did a great thing taking you to get checked out at the hospital.

Just because the doctors didn't find any thing doesn't mean you did any thing to yourself. It's just that they didn't find any thing.

I'm sure you're not to blame & that this doesn't have any thing to do with you being pathetic or any thing like that. I'm sure you're not at all. You are BRAVE.

Ah.... Try not to be too hard on yourself, okay? If you must tear up and/or cry, then it's okay. You miss your mom & you sound like you also want to be strong. You have your moment, then you try as best as you can to pick it up, throw out the bad feeling, leave it alone & let it go.

Oh yes, & by chance, can you get a copy of the results of the tests they ran? That might be pretty good to do in case you go to the doctor in the future. Just make sure to monitor how you feel & don't push when you don't feel well.

I fell a few weeks ago myself & experienced something similar. (I have a sort of seizure condition, though.)

Take care, okay? & I believe your bad moment will pass.


(In case my words didn't come out right, I was trying to cheer you up a little. I hope it helps in some way.)

[Fourdave]

thank you crystal

[xn728]

take care dave and be carful bestwishes ken

[Fourdave]

found this, by unknown, but it really seems to fit

One step away from a breakdown
Two steps away from salvation
And afraid to jump

for me I always am thinking a step ahead and its that second step that scares me, even if I knew it would help, so I tend to just do the first

Dave

[crystalgaze]

Yes, that seems to fit, for true.....

One thing, though... I think it's possible to not be just 1 step away from the breakdown. Maybe it will vary (like when we have good days & other times, when we have not-so-good days).

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Dave)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

~whisper~ You seem to be stressing again. Try not to, so it doesn't rob you. Okay? Ah.... You're sounding frustrated/annoyed (with self?).

I'll only say try not to because it might be more destructive than helpful right now... Write it down & revisit it later. (I was doing the same thing yesterday, so that's why I'm saying it.)

I had to stop before I broke..... There were way too many revelations & bombardment with images (truth)/fears to face yesterday. I'm usually able to think about it, think how to solve or attempt to let it go, but really I was on the verge of tears & a break.

I should be fine in a week, though, so I'm taking my 7 days off from any thinking. (In my current state, it might not be a good idea.)

Take care!!!! Okay? (Let's all do that.)

[Fourdave]

thank you again crystal
saw my therapist today, she wants me to bump up my next appointment with psychologist, for med adjustment maybe, she said I seem more depressed than I have since i have been seeing her, maybe she is right, i don't know, and guess I don't care, at least not today.
and yes I am stressing and am very frustrated with self, but won't go into that right now.

so just trying get past this as painlessly as possible

Thanks for listening

Dave