Fighting to keep it together

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mothmaiden
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2021 8:49 pm

Fighting to keep it together

Postby mothmaiden » Tue Jun 08, 2021 9:29 pm

Hi. I'm new here. I'm not going to share my name, as I'm too worried about someone I know in real life finding this. It's hard for me to open up, even harder when it's people in my life, and this is basically my attempt at finding some solace somewhere. I'm 22, I've struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life, and come from a background of verbal/emotional abuse (although I am now reconciled with the people who did this and have had apologies from them and am on my way to healing from it all).

Since November of 2020, I have been struggling with being sick. My stomach - digestion problems, nausea, pain, basically everything you can think of - has been causing me a whole world of grief. I'm so tired. It's exhausting to deal with it. On the 10th I have a colonoscopy/endoscopy. I'm terrified as I've never had many medical procedures and have been relatively physically healthy up until this point.

So, that's one big thing on my mind, as well as a factor in triggering my anxiety/depression. But I also have another issue, one that's silly and that makes me feel ridiculous. My sibling and I are both unemployed at the moment. We were going to try at a store together to work (which comforted me some since we've always been best friends and were homeschooled, and they were also the only one there for me during my extremely painful, difficult childhood). They decided to put in an application to another place, and I must admit, it scared and hurt me. I encouraged them to do it, because I want to be a positive influence on them and encourage them to go for whatever they want, but I'm sad too and worry about missing them. Particularly since I'm sick and they have been helping to care for me.

I know I'm overly attached, etc. and this is not news to me. But basically I'm trying to be a good person and sister while also struggling with my own worries (will I be able to find employment? How long will I be unable to work due to sickness? Will I miss them? Will I be lonely? The list goes on). I feel bad for these feelings, and also because logically, I know it's not a big deal. But I'm still upset/stressed by it. My sibling says they understand, but I feel like might not in all honesty. I think I have other mental health problems (it runs in my family, especially Bipolar), but I don't know and have never been formally diagnosed. I feel like a monster for crying sometimes and struggling with my own sadness and insecurities.

I don't expect anyone else to be able to relate to this...I guess I'm just looking for some kind words. Thanks to whoever read this huge post.

Tealeaves
Posts: 30
Joined: Wed May 05, 2021 3:54 am

Re: Fighting to keep it together

Postby Tealeaves » Wed Jun 09, 2021 7:09 am

Hello,
Not sure what, or if, there is a test; but mold poisoning could be a factor. I have a family member that suffered from it, for years; but didn't know. Test after test, after test; they couldn't find anything wrong. Doctors began treating her; using medications; but they were giving her the wrong stuff...which made her more sick (leaky gut; also often misdiagnosed). So now she had mold poisoning and other stuff; and her stomach was so sensitive; she started having allergies, to certain foods. She suggested mold poisoning but doctors said "no". Finally, she saw a holistic doctor; that listened to her; and found the mold poisoning; started on charcoal medicine(charcoal, removes toxins) Sadly, so much time, so much damage; means a long time to heal; emotionally, physically and mentally; it's day by day.

This may not be your problem but, if you think it's a possibility; do not take no for an answer! Mold poisoning isn't new but it's not very well known.
Good luck to you, whatever it is, I hope you find your answer.


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