Within the four walls of my mind.

[helium]

I'm not doing well. In fact, today I spent most of the say sleeping and alone. I have to be secluded when I'm trap in my mind.

I can't cheer myself up. I can't snap out of it.
I hate to be this helpless victim that is unable to save herself from the offender.

I guess I have what I deserve. I don't think I deserve any less.

This is all. I needed to write.

Hortensia

[jer]

I guess I have what I deserve. I don't think I deserve any less.

Why do you write that Hortensia. You didnt deserve it. None of us did.

We are all plain unlucky. Life threw a curveball at us.

Are you taking any medication? Maybe you could see a psychiatrist if you havent done so already.

Please do write more.

[Monty]

Hortensia,

Have to agree with Jer, none of us have deserved the cards that we were dealt.

It might help you out if you let us get to know you a little better.

I haven't been doing very well at all myself, lately. I have been down-right scared of some of the things that have been going on in my life. I don't know if you are like this or not. My mom has always said that I never needed to be punished (not that I did many things wrong, always tried to do what was expected of me) I can do it much better than anyone else can.

When I get into spells, like I have been enduring lately, I know that I also retreat to my room. After something that has happened this weekend, I have stopped having anything to do with the phone. Won't phone anyone and have shut off my cell phone.

I know that none of this behavior is the best way to handle problems. I was even going to stop writing on this forum. Something made me come back on-line tonight. I had even powered off my computer.

At times, turtling is good. We need some time to recharge.

Turtling is bad when you start to completely retreat from the land of the living. I am encouraged that you were able to sit down and send a post off to us.

One thing that you can be 100% sure of, is that your postings will be read. You are not alone.

[helium]

Yesterday I had to go to work. I work with children so I need to pretend to be enthusiastic. It wasn't easy, but doable.
I'm not feeling well. I'm afraid that I'm getting worst... My feelings of hopelessness are increasing.
I really wish I wouldn't be so messed up.

- Hortensia.