Lately, I’ve found several things irritating about living with depression. It’s not just living with the symptoms, the medications, and so on. The main irritation is people’s attitude and comments towards depression itself.
One example of this was stated by a “friend” of mine who said, “fine, sit there and be all emo.”
Emo is one of the biggest irritations that I have about this – almost as if emo is the catch-word that ordinary people seem to use for anyone who feels any sort of emotion beyond being happy. To me this kind of shows the degration of the language when one word is so overused especially for those of us who still suffer from this mental disease. Especially since there are so many other words to use for feelings of sadness - such as "morose" and "meloncholic".
Another irritation that does tie into this is how there are those who think that you need to pull yourself out of the depression abyss. I’m sure that a lot of you here at this forum have dealt with the deepest chasms of the depression trough and how people try to cheer you up but the methods that they use aren’t very effective to bring you out of the depths that you’re in. I can understand their frustration about it but then again it is worse for those of us who are trying to deal with it.
Of course, this leads into a personal favorite of mine where someone had said, “Depression is not some stupid chemical imbalance. It's all about the troubles you have that you can't seem to get over yourself because you don't have a strong enough will. Even people who try to kill themselves daily don't need medication, they need someone to talk to.”
Honestly, it seems that people need to learn some sensitivity towards people with our disease, don’t you think?
Irritants about Depression
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I can see why the word 'emo' would be very irritating to a lot of people who've lived with depression for a long time...
Interestingly, the origination of the term is from teacher's notes. My father is a teacher, he told me this; it's often written in the margins of a register, beside a name of a class member, and it stands for 'emotionally unstable' or 'emotional difficulties' (can't remember which).
However, it's come to mean a 'style', a general term for anyone not happy... It's even become 'cool'. I think a lot of prejudice about depression comes from the fact that people (teenagers, in particular) adopt the term 'being depressed' as an everyday adjective, and a way to seem deep and mysterious and troubled, while not actually being depressed as in the illness.
I'm sure there are 'emos' who do have depression, but I've also met a lot of pretenders who don't seem to know the first thing about it.
Also, I agree with you that some people need to learn how to be tactful and supportive, but being supportive and being so sensitive that they 'mollycoddle', so to speak, are different things. I guess you can go too far in either direction.
In any case, you raise interesting points!
Interestingly, the origination of the term is from teacher's notes. My father is a teacher, he told me this; it's often written in the margins of a register, beside a name of a class member, and it stands for 'emotionally unstable' or 'emotional difficulties' (can't remember which).
However, it's come to mean a 'style', a general term for anyone not happy... It's even become 'cool'. I think a lot of prejudice about depression comes from the fact that people (teenagers, in particular) adopt the term 'being depressed' as an everyday adjective, and a way to seem deep and mysterious and troubled, while not actually being depressed as in the illness.
I'm sure there are 'emos' who do have depression, but I've also met a lot of pretenders who don't seem to know the first thing about it.
Also, I agree with you that some people need to learn how to be tactful and supportive, but being supportive and being so sensitive that they 'mollycoddle', so to speak, are different things. I guess you can go too far in either direction.
In any case, you raise interesting points!
I was watching a program about the 7 Deadly Sins, and how the, "oh so great minds," of our generation are questioning one of the deadly sins - Sloth.
Back in those days, people with Sloth were considered lazy, and this became a sin. Now? These people are looking into Sloth, and realizing that many people accused of Sloth were actually, more than likely, suffering from depression.
I guess my point is that everything takes time. Yes, I do think people need to be more sensitive, and, hopefully, this sensitivity and understanding will grow with time.
Back in those days, people with Sloth were considered lazy, and this became a sin. Now? These people are looking into Sloth, and realizing that many people accused of Sloth were actually, more than likely, suffering from depression.
I guess my point is that everything takes time. Yes, I do think people need to be more sensitive, and, hopefully, this sensitivity and understanding will grow with time.
you have,nt found your armour yet
you need to find your armour /so these stupid comments bouce off into nowere /were they belong /the comments are made through ingnorance /and fear of the unknown /we are all strong we have to be to live this way /you will earn your armour soon and wear it well/mine is very badly dented ive worn it for 30 years /so be strong for strong is what you are /reach out and we will catch your fall,,,,,,,,xn728
Another way to look at peoples' uncaring words is to remember: EVERYBODY is ALWAYS thinking about ONLY THEMSELVES. If they are thinking about someone else, it's in relation to themselves. "Oh, my child is sick, what am I going to do?" "My friend is coming to town. She just got out of the hospital. I hope she doesn't ruin my party by talking about it."
So your friend hears in his ears" My friend is depressed."
What he hears in his mind is " Oh, for heavens sake, I don't want to hear about any boring old bummer"
Unless it is something to do with them, they're not interested. Watch how fast they turn the conversation back to themselves. Everybody does it. xn is right, even though it's hard to do, find some armor. And don't feel bad because I feel exactly like you do, and wish people were a little more sympathetic but it's not going to happen. Notice how everybody runs away from you when they see your depression and flock to you when you're happy? Well, depressives have this little defense mechanism: we act happy and fine so we don't drive people off, which, I'm afraid, is very depressing.
Good luck
A.
So your friend hears in his ears" My friend is depressed."
What he hears in his mind is " Oh, for heavens sake, I don't want to hear about any boring old bummer"
Unless it is something to do with them, they're not interested. Watch how fast they turn the conversation back to themselves. Everybody does it. xn is right, even though it's hard to do, find some armor. And don't feel bad because I feel exactly like you do, and wish people were a little more sympathetic but it's not going to happen. Notice how everybody runs away from you when they see your depression and flock to you when you're happy? Well, depressives have this little defense mechanism: we act happy and fine so we don't drive people off, which, I'm afraid, is very depressing.
Good luck
A.
I haven't heard anybody use this term. But I'm about as far from young people as I can get, being 53 and staying holed up all the time. We don't even watch tv anymore because it's so stupid and inane. I can feel my brain cells leaking out my ears when I watch it. Except for that show "Scrubs". But I taped about 12 hours worth of it and haven't even looked at it. I Can you tell me your age?
Who in their life hasn't heard someone say "I'm depressed". That has also become such a catch-phrase. Like the emo that you mentioned. There is a difference between being depressed and having a bad day. Depression can infringe on pretty well all of a person's life. That one really pisses me off.
What people don't seem to understand is that if someone has a chemical imbalance it is not just a matter of
"pulling yourself up by the bootstraps".
I have often mentioned what my reply is to that one
"what if you aren't wearing any boots?"
I am sick and tired of people figuring that those of us that suffer from severe depression are "the weakest link". Don't they understand that we are actually the strongest ones. Often we fight just to take the next breath but we do it, and carry on.
Go figure.
What people don't seem to understand is that if someone has a chemical imbalance it is not just a matter of
"pulling yourself up by the bootstraps".
I have often mentioned what my reply is to that one
"what if you aren't wearing any boots?"
I am sick and tired of people figuring that those of us that suffer from severe depression are "the weakest link". Don't they understand that we are actually the strongest ones. Often we fight just to take the next breath but we do it, and carry on.
Go figure.
I think the problem is that someone who has never been clinically depressed before, cannot possibly begin to understand what it really feels like. They can love you; they can try to be there for you; they can even try to understand it for you, but they never will.
I think many people do think it is a weakness, and I think you are right, Monty... depressed people are strong. Strong enough to wake up every day and face the world again.
I think many people do think it is a weakness, and I think you are right, Monty... depressed people are strong. Strong enough to wake up every day and face the world again.
. haha , but one year later, i suffered from anxiety and depression. So weird, so freaking. But we should learn to accept ourself.
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