Just want to get back to normal

[RelishingWaterfall]

Is it too much to ask for? A normal feeling inside you. Iam not asking to make me very happy or anything. I dont remember how long I have been like this It started when i broke up with my boyfriend. I couldnt sleep at night. sad music and crying is all that helped. Well, I was just 16 back then. I moved on. Then came betrayal of friends. And then almost 2 years of no friends. Everyone needs friends right? Just someone to chill with and have fun.

things changed last year for me. I shifted to london for my future studies. Unfortunately, it lasted only for a year. I had friends there. Friends whom i could chill with, some with whom i could share what iam feeling. London changed me as a person. it taught me so much in a year compared to things learnt from 16-19 years of age. At 20, I had learnt to be diplomatic, how to talk to people, and discovered things about me that I didnt ever even wonder exists about me. It made me happy. Just looking at the swans in Thames or having a burrito made my day rocking and happening. Went on a vacation to many cities in Europe, laughed till my stomach just couldnt take it and I would start coughing. it just was the best escape.

After a year, I came back to my city.. I lost touch with friends there with me (even though we all live in the same city). I didnt care as i was busy preparing for my entrance exams. I became way too busy to realize the things that were changing in and around me. After 4 months, now my classes have ended. Its been a month now where I have stopped feeling anything, i have stopped studying, feelings prior London are coming back to me. I dont want it to. I guess I suppressed it way too long. Iam lucky to have supportive parents which helps me going. Ofcourse i smile and laugh when they are around me to make sure they dont get a hint but offlate Iam sure they have understood too. Its been a month of this helplessness.

i know it will pass on, iam a strong person.. It will move on..( or thats what i keep telling to myself) but sometimes one just needs to blow off steam and this is me, doing that. I want to feel again, I dont want to be lost and sleep for 12 hours. I want to enjoy reading again and listening to music. Well i have crossed a milestone with the music part. I will be better.. not for me, but for my parents but its just that i dont want to be alone anymore. i need someone who needs me too. Iam just not talking about love, But a friend.. who understands me and is there for me no matter what just like i was for every person who left me. I am done with people using me for their purposes. All I have learnt is inevitably, people leave and everytime it hurts like hell. I have my exams in three days and i havent studied since a month. there are many people whom I shared this with, but i ...nobody is able to understand the seriousness of this situation.

Well as they nothing is permanent in life. It applies to what I'm feeling as well and I hope it shall too pass.

[JonsDragonEyes]

I hope it passes for you too. It's awful to fall back into helplessness when you thought you left it behind.

Welcome to the forums it's really nice to meet you. Please keep coming back here writing with updates on how your doing. This is a good place for that kind of thing.

love and hugs always to you.

[NickStokes]

There are always new friends to be made so do not lose hope