OMG spent an hour writing a post.....

[Glad2bme]

Sigh.

Started writing the post, felt suicidal, angry and depressed.

By the end, decided that although some situations make me want to run away from home, I am not going to do that. I am and adult. I am the Mama and it sets a bad example.

[Glad2bme]

They live in my house but won't let me see my 15 month old grandson. It's one f****** excuse or another.

I can accept some of their "boundries" as reasonable but they start making shit up that isn't true and I just want to die. Not because I lack a desire to live in general but because I want to punish them like they punish me.

It's irrational and I worked myself out of the hole last night, but for an hour or a day I have to work on my own feelings and my own stuff and just not even talk to them. I hate them right now. It's not reasonable but it's how I'm feeling.

I CAN'T see him, hold him, play with him but their oldest son can go down and shoot the baby in the head with a nerf dart gun from like 8 inches away .... and I AM THE ONE who is causing a problem because they have to teach the baby NOT to have a FIT when something like that happens.

I KNOW I am not the crazy one in this equation even if I need meds for depression. THEY have the stupidest f****** rules that are not safe for the baby and then they have to teach him not to be upset about stuff that is REALLY WRONG. BUT if I report them I WILL BE THE ONE who never sees the baby again.

Nerf darts even at close range aren't deadly, but it's the principal of it. It's the teaching him to be a compliant victim. It's not letting his Grandma get him out of the house and away from the shouting because somehow that makes him weak. He's a baby for God's sake.