Bit of Darkness on a Monday.

[Frame]

Such a beautiful day; mid eighties, clear sky, slight breeze, bright clear air. These are the days we need to soak up, relish, enjoy, remember fondly. It feels exactly like, reminds me of the summer between undergraduate and graduate school. I had just finished my last classes, finished up over the summer because I had done a co-op position; my first job as a professional, hadn't even graduated, payed as a professional, treated as a professional. I learned so much; first time I was totally on my own. And now waiting for the graduate assistantship (payed mind you) to kick in, I had time on my hands.

All I wanted to do was hide. All I did was mope around in my girlfriends (soon to be wife) dorm room. I was going from a real accomplishment to a real accomplishment. I had barely graduated from high school, worked my way through two year college, finished up as an engineer, was just about engaged, was sliding right into graduate school. And all I could think about were my failures, how far short I had come; No, I hadn't cheated any where along the way. But I just felt like a fraud. None of this could be real. Most of that summer I drank or hid in my girls room. In our immature ways she felt I was there for her when I realize now, for me it was all about me. All of the positive energy from what I had achieved; I let it dissipate in chaos and entropy.

I mentioned before about Sunday Night Syndrome. I also think there is a End of Summer Syndrome we have to guard against. We work so hard; all of us. I know all of you out there are struggling. And your conquering; and your achieving. The summer will end too soon for everyone. But for us... well, I remember the wonderful labor day camping trips. They were awesome; days like today. However, long before we packed up my parents would begin to remind me that this coming school year HAD to go better then the last. Sound at all familiar?

Before Labor Day came the sadness (I'm sure those of you in other countries have your own harvest festival). The sadness doesn't go away easily. We need to count every achievement; we all have them. They are significant. We are entitled.

[veggiemark]

Hi. Terrible day today...started with an early morning phone call..I looked at who was calling and thought" oh no"
Because I'm in such bad shape after being out of work foe a few years,I have had to relay on the few friends I have left for favors....this particular friend has done a lot for me....when I was working and making a good living I helped him out with "loans" that I knew I'd never get back...and I didn't..was ok money then was not that important..flash forward and he has done me favors (driving me to the eye doctors for one)
He always asks for favors at the last minute" need you to drive 30 miles and pick up a check for me..oh and the guy is leaving the store in 20 minutes"
Well I couldn't do the last two he asked and he was furious.
I had tons to doe today(moving in3 days). He asks at 8am to meet him ASAP to rent a truck for him to move stuff from a storage unit and to help him move...I did..tells me he needs to be done at 2 to pick up his mom..imsay"never gonna make it.. Never. He says. "you are ALWAYS negative always....needless to say I'm right. At 2:30 he wants me to drop him off and drive the van to the drop point in the pouring rain(I have poor vision and have trouble driving) I say no..and he calls me all kind of names
And now this person that was gonna help me move....is doubtful
I am scared and depressed..I hate NEEDING people.. I don't want to wake up tomorrow ( sorry for the long post)

[Frame]

Yes, I'm scared of needing people too. I don't like to whine and the past is the past, I think I was let down by some important people when i was young. But moving can be exhausting, so I hope you can get some reliable help from somewhere. How far are you moving?

[veggiemark]

Hi moving 12 miles away but it's like I'm moving to a different country.. A million miles removed from where I live now I moved here when I was making very good money ..now I'm going to be in a very low income area...few signs in english...run down building
Going to only bring some clothes and a few other items...can't afford a mover..car is small
I just gave away my 20 year collection of 300 CDs of my favorite music..the blues of course..I made someone very happy with that gift
I dread the next few days....