I will try to make this brief. But my husband has recently been diagnosed with GAD (General Anxiety Disorder). I have my two children coming to visit us for 5 weeks next week from America, this will be their first long term visit. They are 13 and 9 and boys. They can be stressful but they are kids and very well behaved. I am so concerned that the stress from the visit will make him worse, but I have waited MONTHS for these few precious weeks that I get to spend with them. Does anyone know if the stress with make him worse? Any words or wisdom?
I welcome any advice or experiences as I am feeling very alone and in a lose/lose situation.
Thank you
Need advice - living with someone with anxiety and depressio
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Hi tomom;
I'm not a doctor but a few questions come to mind that regarding the visit.
Does your husband work or is he at home full time?
Has he ever met your kids?
Does he, in general enjoy interacting with children?
In my opinion, great deal revolves around how quickly your children become acclimated to in their visit and how quickly your husband becomes acclimated to them. There is, of course a another factor also, which is you.
These questions all revolve around stress:
If if your children become bored with their visit They might become restless get on everyone's nerves. If your plan a whirlwind tour they may be exhausted and irritable.
If your husband has a job to escape TO he'll probably be more comfortable. He he has a job he needs to escape FROM and he needs his space then it could be a problem, but if he enjoys your kids it could be a cure.
In all this, if your showing signs of stress, it might add to his. If he normally relies heavily on you then the kids will cut into the the time he feels he needs with you. In that case; are there tasks, hobbies, visits with his friends that you plan in advance to divert his anxiety while you attend to your more important event?
If, instead, your husbands home is his castle; are there over night stays you can plan for you and your kids if his stress becomes so great that you need to leave him alone for a while?
I'm not a doctor but a few questions come to mind that regarding the visit.
Does your husband work or is he at home full time?
Has he ever met your kids?
Does he, in general enjoy interacting with children?
In my opinion, great deal revolves around how quickly your children become acclimated to in their visit and how quickly your husband becomes acclimated to them. There is, of course a another factor also, which is you.
These questions all revolve around stress:
If if your children become bored with their visit They might become restless get on everyone's nerves. If your plan a whirlwind tour they may be exhausted and irritable.
If your husband has a job to escape TO he'll probably be more comfortable. He he has a job he needs to escape FROM and he needs his space then it could be a problem, but if he enjoys your kids it could be a cure.
In all this, if your showing signs of stress, it might add to his. If he normally relies heavily on you then the kids will cut into the the time he feels he needs with you. In that case; are there tasks, hobbies, visits with his friends that you plan in advance to divert his anxiety while you attend to your more important event?
If, instead, your husbands home is his castle; are there over night stays you can plan for you and your kids if his stress becomes so great that you need to leave him alone for a while?
Thank you so much for your reply.
My husband has been signed off work for 2 weeks due to his anxiety..he is "supposed to " go back the day before the kids get here, but to be honest I am not sure that will happen. He has his first visit with his counselor today.
Yes, he has met my children a few times but due to them living in America and me in England it make it difficult to develop a bond. I was hoping this visit would help that. Yes, he loves kids...but sometimes due to their unpredictability they can cause more anxiety than a adult.
I plan to take a half day from work everyday to take the kids out and spend time with them, and do have nights away planned to give him some down time. I do not want the kids to come here and me be on edge with them because it might stress him out because it isn't fair to them...but he has a very real condition and I cannot ignore that too. I have thought of going to rent a house for a month while they are here...but Im afraid that will be wrong too...
My husband has been signed off work for 2 weeks due to his anxiety..he is "supposed to " go back the day before the kids get here, but to be honest I am not sure that will happen. He has his first visit with his counselor today.
Yes, he has met my children a few times but due to them living in America and me in England it make it difficult to develop a bond. I was hoping this visit would help that. Yes, he loves kids...but sometimes due to their unpredictability they can cause more anxiety than a adult.
I plan to take a half day from work everyday to take the kids out and spend time with them, and do have nights away planned to give him some down time. I do not want the kids to come here and me be on edge with them because it might stress him out because it isn't fair to them...but he has a very real condition and I cannot ignore that too. I have thought of going to rent a house for a month while they are here...but Im afraid that will be wrong too...
It sound's like your thinking about the important things.
This may sound silly, but do you have a pet?
If your husband is strongly bonded with his pet, and your pet is shy, the immediate introductions might scare your pet which will stress your husband. May sound irrational but not uncommon.
If that's the situation you might want to sequester your pet and introduce them slowly.
This may sound silly, but do you have a pet?
If your husband is strongly bonded with his pet, and your pet is shy, the immediate introductions might scare your pet which will stress your husband. May sound irrational but not uncommon.
If that's the situation you might want to sequester your pet and introduce them slowly.
Hi tomom,
I hope this turns out good for all involved. In the past i was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder with my Depression. Now it is Panic Disorder. They're basically the same in that there can be debilitaing anxiety/panic attacks. Panic Disorder doesn't require a stressor though.
Is he on any kind of medication to help with his anxiety? This kind of anxiety is SO hard to deal with, let alone explain, because its much more intense than the 'normal' anxiety that people in general deal with....
Have you talked with your husband about this visit at any length? (how it might affect his anxiety) If so, and he's afraid to be 'a pain,' he might not want to stress just how bad his anxiety could get...which may be causing even more anxiety. To some, this may not seem rational, just like it isn't rational that when friends come to visit, there are times i want to fly onto my bed and wrap myself up into a feather blanket cocoon and never come out! Would a small glass of wine help?? Assuming, no driving.
I hope this turns out good for all involved. In the past i was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder with my Depression. Now it is Panic Disorder. They're basically the same in that there can be debilitaing anxiety/panic attacks. Panic Disorder doesn't require a stressor though.
Is he on any kind of medication to help with his anxiety? This kind of anxiety is SO hard to deal with, let alone explain, because its much more intense than the 'normal' anxiety that people in general deal with....
Have you talked with your husband about this visit at any length? (how it might affect his anxiety) If so, and he's afraid to be 'a pain,' he might not want to stress just how bad his anxiety could get...which may be causing even more anxiety. To some, this may not seem rational, just like it isn't rational that when friends come to visit, there are times i want to fly onto my bed and wrap myself up into a feather blanket cocoon and never come out! Would a small glass of wine help?? Assuming, no driving.
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Alaska1958
- Posts: 178
- Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm
Hi there
Well my situation is different in that I only have a little trouble with anxiety. However I definitely improve when I'm interacting with others and I love kids. Mostly I'm around my own kids, but being around any other people helps pull me out myself. Being alone is definitely the worst situation I can be in, but it's also the situation I'm most likely to put myself in. [/i]
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