A little about me.
Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2010 10:48 pm
I suppose I’ll post a bit of my story here. I’m a 23 year old female. I’ve been suffering from depression for as long as I can remember, but it’s been really awful since the death of my best friend, which I found out about near the end of September. She died just a few days after my birthday, but I didn’t find out until about a month later.
Before you start to think that I’m awful because I wasn’t in contact with her for a month, hear me out. The last time I saw her was a couple of days before my birthday. We were planning to get together to celebrate my birthday with a sort of girl’s night out whenever she got a day free from work. She was working on the actual day of my birthday, which is why we were planning beforehand. The day of my birthday, I got slammed with an awful headache. I’m talking horrible pain; it felt like someone was crushing my skull. This pain continued until September, when I was finally healed enough to go visit my friend. She hadn’t called in that time, and I assumed that she’d just been busy working.
The headaches had me out of commission for a while; I wasn’t able to do anything except beg for something for the pain. I was literally begging to be taken to the ER for a needle to put me out for a few hours - and I normally hate needles.
By the time the pain finally left (the doctors still can’t tell me why it happened in the first place) my friend was dead. Her family hadn’t even bothered to call and tell me. I was in shock. She was cremated, and her brother in another town has her ashes, so I have nowhere to visit. They don’t know why she died, either. All I know is that she just didn’t wake up for work one morning.
After her death, I was just in shock. I attempted suicide about a week after, and then spent some time in the hospital. I’m still having trouble accepting her death, even though it’s been a few months.
Anyway, without her, I don’t have anyone to talk to. She was the shining light in my life that kept my depression at bay for a while. Since I’ve gotten out of the hospital, my depression has gotten steadily worse. I’m not sure how to put my feelings of late into words. There’s just no one there for me. I feel like I’m constantly in a fog, I’m sleeping 12 -15 hours a night, and still feeling extremely tired through the day.
The doctor at the hospital put me on Remeron, but it isn’t helping me at all. About the only thing it has done is make me gain weight. But I can’t get anyone to change it. My family doctor tells me to see a psychiatrist, but I can’t get in to see one until April! I think getting my medicine changed would be a big step forward, but no one is helping me with this. Plus, I have no medical insurance whatsoever, so I have to get whatever is cheap.
This has all been a very long, very hard battle. And I haven’t even won a single skirmish yet.
Before you start to think that I’m awful because I wasn’t in contact with her for a month, hear me out. The last time I saw her was a couple of days before my birthday. We were planning to get together to celebrate my birthday with a sort of girl’s night out whenever she got a day free from work. She was working on the actual day of my birthday, which is why we were planning beforehand. The day of my birthday, I got slammed with an awful headache. I’m talking horrible pain; it felt like someone was crushing my skull. This pain continued until September, when I was finally healed enough to go visit my friend. She hadn’t called in that time, and I assumed that she’d just been busy working.
The headaches had me out of commission for a while; I wasn’t able to do anything except beg for something for the pain. I was literally begging to be taken to the ER for a needle to put me out for a few hours - and I normally hate needles.
By the time the pain finally left (the doctors still can’t tell me why it happened in the first place) my friend was dead. Her family hadn’t even bothered to call and tell me. I was in shock. She was cremated, and her brother in another town has her ashes, so I have nowhere to visit. They don’t know why she died, either. All I know is that she just didn’t wake up for work one morning.
After her death, I was just in shock. I attempted suicide about a week after, and then spent some time in the hospital. I’m still having trouble accepting her death, even though it’s been a few months.
Anyway, without her, I don’t have anyone to talk to. She was the shining light in my life that kept my depression at bay for a while. Since I’ve gotten out of the hospital, my depression has gotten steadily worse. I’m not sure how to put my feelings of late into words. There’s just no one there for me. I feel like I’m constantly in a fog, I’m sleeping 12 -15 hours a night, and still feeling extremely tired through the day.
The doctor at the hospital put me on Remeron, but it isn’t helping me at all. About the only thing it has done is make me gain weight. But I can’t get anyone to change it. My family doctor tells me to see a psychiatrist, but I can’t get in to see one until April! I think getting my medicine changed would be a big step forward, but no one is helping me with this. Plus, I have no medical insurance whatsoever, so I have to get whatever is cheap.
This has all been a very long, very hard battle. And I haven’t even won a single skirmish yet.