Depression Understood Forums

Hello all.....my story isnt much of a story actually. Ive been depressed most of my life, at least as far back as I can remember. I dont really have a reason to be depressed, I have not had any tramatic things happen or deaths in my family really...there is no explanation except that it just is. I have been diagnosed with dysthymia which is a form of depression that is chronic, not necessarily severe...meaning most of the time I can function in society, but since I have had this my whole life it is not like I was once ok then something happened, then I became depressed. So I cannot say that I was truly happy at one point, or when given meds I cant tell if they are helping because I have nothing to compare it to. I cant answer the question "do you feel like your old self again?" I was always this way. Ive even thought to myself that maybe this is my personality, maybe Im supposed to feel like this. Ive thought that maybe this was normal, that everyone felt this way. But I realized I was wrong. I struggle with emotions, feeling things....Im not sure what happiness is, what love is, I just live a constant state of BLAHHHH. There is no other way to describe it, and it is most troubling because I have not felt anything else in my life. This is me.

(((((((((((((((((Coach)))))))))))))))))))))

Doesn't matter how the depression appears in our lives, it is just sad it does. You do all you can to deal with it knowing it isn't an easy task.

Know please, I am here to talk with you, share with you, be there for you. Not a lot to offer, but all I have.

Take care of yourself, keeping you in my thoughts.

Warmie

Thanks Jeanie!!! You are the best

(((((((((((((((((((((((Coach)))))))))))))))))

You are a very special person, don't ever forget that.

Warmie

Oh coach, I hope someday you get to "Feel" what the good things in life are. I hope with the help of your Doctor, and the meds that this will help you. Know that we will always be here for you, and you are not a burden to us. (per last nights chat) We care about what happens to you, and we are REAL! It may just be cyberspace, but we are real people. We gather together for our cyber friends, to support each other. Don't forget that! Take care coach, and the next time we chat, I hope you are doing better.

(((((((COACH)))))))

Thank you butterfly kisses for taking the time to read my post. And thanks for your words of kindness. It makes me feel better and somewhat cared about. Im glad there are people who can understand what Im going through, you guys seem to know what its all about, and what helps a person feel better. Its good. I cant say enough how much I appreciate it. My worst fear is troubling others, burdening them, being a drag...and then having them desert me when I need them the most. I cant have that happen.....again.

Hi ((((((((( Coach ))))))))))

I've not long talked to you in the chat room.

I would like to say you're never a burden. It's always a delight to talk to you.

Also, please never fear using this place (the forums and the chat room), to talk about depression etc -- it's what it's there for.

It was nice to see you weren't quite so depressed tonight. I hope this feeling lasts for you.

As you said to me, in the chat room: "You know how it goes." -->

And yes I do, it's hell sometimes (mainly). But at least we all have each other to share and identify with what we're going through.

I hope we get to catch up soon,

Stephen

Coach

My name is Ryan (Ryaninatree) and I just read ur profile. I seriously almost cried when i read what you wrote. I have also been diagnosed with dysthymia and everything you explained about yourself is exactly how i feel. i have always been depressed but I like to blame it on our government spreading agent orange all over my father in Vietnam (j/k but it may be true). I just started meds and counseling October 07 after my girlfriend broke up with me for being depressed. After 2 weeks we got back together but we broke up right before Thanksgiving when she realized that I was not all healed and better. Not only did she break up with me but she told me that I'll never change. I am currently in a real slump over this and I swear I cannot get back on my feet. Anyways I wrote a poem a few years back that you should be able to relate to

Grey
Since way back when I'm not the same
I've taken in a touch of grey
It's in my heart and in my brain
Tried to extract it but it still remains
You might not see it you ought not try
Its encysted very deep inside
Just understand that when i cry
Its from the grey I don't know why

((((((((((((((((((((((((((( COACH ))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hope so that you are enjoying your summer. Life can be good, please take care dear friend.

Warmie