I'm 15 and I already hate life

[Abateur]

So here's my story..

First of all, I want to apologise if my English is incorrect, I'm French and currently studying english at high school.

So..

I'm currently at high school, and almost everything's going wrong. I'm so bad at school.. The only thing I'm good at is English.
I'm the shyest person ever. So shy I wonder sometimes if I'm agoraphobic. Talking to someone I don't know frightens me somewhy. I really can't overcome that. So because of that I have almost no friends and never had any girlfriend (I wish I have someone to love sometimes.. I have so much love inside of me, but I only feel sadness and frustration.)

My parents.. they try to help me, really, but I only feel guilty because they try as hard as they can, but it doesn't do anything.

Some weeks ago, I felt so depressed that somewhy, I self-harmed still wasn't a big deal but I was hurting more everytime.. Yesterday I told to one on my friends from the internet (she's the best person I've ever met, she helps me so much.) That I was self harming, and asked her if that was that big of a deal to do it, she answered that it is like a drug. That the scars never goes away. She convinced me that I'll find another way to feel better, even for a few minutes, and I promised her I'll never do self harm again. But it's hard to hold on without this.. It became my painkiller.

The worst thing is that I have no reason to be depressed, I saw most people depressed because disasters happend when they were childrens or that kind of things, but me, nothing happend, I have everything I need but I'm the one that is depressive

Anyway, thanks if you read that long story, it's so good to talk to people and to know that you're not alone.

[Katydid]

Please know you are not along. It took me 8 years to figure out ehat was wrong with me. Even longer to reach out and get help. I still can't say the "d" word. I just say chemical imbalance. People w/o our illness just dont understand. I have a good life too. Its hard. I medicate by sleeping a lot. Take it a day at a time.

[Abateur]

Hi

Yeah, only people which knows how it feels to be depressive can understand.. I like to sleep too, that's the only moment when I feel calm, I'd rather sleep all day than wake up sometimes.. Almost everyday in fact.

I hope you'll feel better soon, I'd rather be the only one to be depressive, no one deserves that..

[darkness6172]

I was 13 when I started having problems...now I am 53... Last December I came out of the Deep dark Abyss and I am not going back. Talk to me. If you want to know more or see what I look like go to Interpals and search for DARKNESS6172 from Terrassa (Barcdelona)SPAIN...

[darkness6172]

if you don't share your problems, they won't go away...

[Nimbus]

You're not alone. I started feeling that way when I was 12 and I also hated high school, I sucked at almost every subject - I liked English as well.
I know how you feel. PM me if you wanna talk.

[Seann]

It is crazy how the patterns of self harm are often so similar. You'd think something as dark as that would be the result of rare and haphazard life choices.

Your friend is right, I have permanent scars that I have to cover to get along in society. I have to be careful what I wear to job interviews, and always have to come up with lies to tell people I meet. I haven't cut in a long time, but my wrists are itching to be cut just talking about it now. And it is very much a drug to people that self harm. I believe the act releases dopeamine or something like that in the brain, and you can get addicted to the behavior.

You are so young, talk to someone as soon as you can. I know you feel alone, but reach down and feel your instincts, there has to be someone you can trust that will help you find help. Don't let it get too far along, and don't try to handle it on your own. You don't necessarily have to be depressed to self harm. I used to cut when I was happy as well as sad.

Be safe if you want you can pm me if you have any questions or just want to talk.