A moment of weakness and frustration

Depression/anxiety may have touched your family, your friends, yourself; what helps you to deal with it? Sharing is caring!

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BrokenPen
Posts: 150
Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 12:18 am

A moment of weakness and frustration

Postby BrokenPen » Sat May 23, 2020 10:27 am

Recently, my girlfriend and I received some bad news. Namely that our apartment has bed bugs. This had really set my girlfreind on edge to the point where she felt so disgusted that she didn't want to sit down anywhere. But after a while through the day, things seemed to have calmed down a little, especially after the inspector laid out what we would need to do.

Then, we received a letter from our apartment management talking about "Five day notice with intent to terminate lease agreement." Basically the notice was to let us know about what we needed to do and that if we didn't rectify the situation with the bed bugs, our lease agreement would be terminated.

This sent my girlfriend into a downward spiral of her emotions. Didn't help the fact that I was trying to figure the situation out myself. And after a while, she was in a depressive slump to the point where she said, "Just kill me. Just let me die. I'm destined to suffer, struggle, and be alone. Why can't I just die?"

In a moment of frustration, I started to yell at her; "you know what? When things go bad it's not a sign that you're meant to be sad and to suffer. It means life is chaotic and shit happens. You just need to learn to deal with it. You tell me that I need to grow up and grow a pair. You know what? You need to grow up and learn to deal with shit."

And now, it seems that I've made things worse with her saying that she doesn't love me and that no one will understand her because everyone she told about the bullying from her classmates and her mother said the same thing; "deal with it."

Now I have to figure out how I'm going to deal with this. I love her so very much. It's just that I wish she could handle being in a crisis better. And given what I'm doing, I do feel like I'm handling two crisses; the bed bugs and her bipolar issues. So what can I do?

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despinarri
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Joined: Fri May 22, 2020 5:42 pm

Re: A moment of weakness and frustration

Postby despinarri » Sun May 24, 2020 1:08 pm

That was rough to read, however, don't feel and for responding that way, as you said it was a moment of weakness. But at this moment in time it seems that your partner isn't healthily thinking either, this may be a stretch but even if you have to act, try to convince her and act like everything will be okay. First, handle with the bed bugs, I'd suggest getting your apartment 'bombed', I used to have bed bugs as well, and being heavily disgusted with them, I had to sadly deal with them for over a year. (but the difference is, we weren't able to "bomb" our apartment). If you choose to "bomb" the apartment then you'll have to reside somewhere else for a while, you can ask the exterminator for how long to stay away. If not that then I'd suggest daily sprays of fabuloso at corners, anything fabric if you have carpet do daily vacuum sessions. Also spray poison on edges of your, bed, table, or wherever there are bed bugs, their eggs are tiny. It'll take time eventually but they will disappear.
And regarding your relationship, it is tough, keep in mind that right now, both you and she are going through a rough time, but most importantly try to see where she is coming from because as you said her emotions are spiraling right now, that's not a healthy mindset. Whether or not it's her fault (which it most likely isn't) you may have to be careful with what you say and do, so as I said before it's going to be work, but try to take "charge" if this makes sense and act (even if you're lying to yourself) that everything is going to be okay. It has the probability of giving her hope instead of despair and disappointment. But most importantly if you both need to, go out for a whole day and relax so when you go back to your apartment you both won't feel so crappy. Just be sure to take care of your mental health as well. This a rough patch that will surely blow over, but it will take time.

Hopefully, this can help, and or give you hope :-) Have a good day!

Prycejosh1987
Posts: 369
Joined: Sun May 31, 2020 10:54 am
Location: Birmingham UK
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Re: A moment of weakness and frustration

Postby Prycejosh1987 » Thu Jun 04, 2020 4:16 am

BrokenPen wrote:Recently, my girlfriend and I received some bad news. Namely that our apartment has bed bugs. This had really set my girlfreind on edge to the point where she felt so disgusted that she didn't want to sit down anywhere. But after a while through the day, things seemed to have calmed down a little, especially after the inspector laid out what we would need to do.

Then, we received a letter from our apartment management talking about "Five day notice with intent to terminate lease agreement." Basically the notice was to let us know about what we needed to do and that if we didn't rectify the situation with the bed bugs, our lease agreement would be terminated.

This sent my girlfriend into a downward spiral of her emotions. Didn't help the fact that I was trying to figure the situation out myself. And after a while, she was in a depressive slump to the point where she said, "Just kill me. Just let me die. I'm destined to suffer, struggle, and be alone. Why can't I just die?"

In a moment of frustration, I started to yell at her; "you know what? When things go bad it's not a sign that you're meant to be sad and to suffer. It means life is chaotic and shit happens. You just need to learn to deal with it. You tell me that I need to grow up and grow a pair. You know what? You need to grow up and learn to deal with shit."

And now, it seems that I've made things worse with her saying that she doesn't love me and that no one will understand her because everyone she told about the bullying from her classmates and her mother said the same thing; "deal with it."

Now I have to figure out how I'm going to deal with this. I love her so very much. It's just that I wish she could handle being in a crisis better. And given what I'm doing, I do feel like I'm handling two crisses; the bed bugs and her bipolar issues. So what can I do?

People say things they dont mean when they are upset. You shouldnt take it to heart and neither should she. The problem with bed bugs can be solved with pest control. Five days is not enough time to sort out the issue. You need to ask for an extension, you cannot be evicted if the problem is only given 5 days to be sorted out. That is unfair and unacceptable. Your landlord cannot just evict you, they have to give you a fair amount of time to deal with a situation. You girl friend is emtional, which is likely because peer pressures got to her. You are right when you say S*** happens, it really does. You are not in the wrong, but you do need to be more supportive to your girlfriend.
You can turn the tide, And change your life. Always. :wink:


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