Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Depression/anxiety may have touched your family, your friends, yourself; what helps you to deal with it? Sharing is caring!

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Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Postby Spleefy » Thu Aug 08, 2019 6:31 am

Hi Wonderwoman97,

You have gone to great lengths, you do research, reach out in the forums for ideas and suggestions, and pray for him continuously. You have put in 100 percent. You went the extra mile and then some to help a friend in need. You have done more than what many people are prepared to do to help others.

So it totally understandable why you would feel left out and helpless, considering how much time and effort you have invested into helping him.

As you said, he is just catching up with his close friends. You said you have only known him for a short period of time (4 months, did you say?). So it is only natural he would want to be around people he is familiar with, right? It is good to share the load with others. Everyone has different ways of offering support. The support you are giving him can’t be replaced by his close friends or anyone else. Everyone is playing a pivotal role in his healing.

Sorry, I didn’t understand what exactly you wanted my opinion on. So you asked your friend’s friend (the girl that you get along with) how he is going? I think it is great to ask other friends. I would do the same because then you can all harmonize the support you give him and keep open the lines of communication. You'll also be creating a small support network for him!

But if you can just clarify what you wanted my opinion on, I’ll try to offer a useful suggestion or feedback.

As for the prayers, I am still learning myself. There is no right or wrong in how we pray, as it is personal between ourselves and Jehovah. However, my understanding is that there is one main condition, which is to pray in Jesus’ name. You may already be aware of this, but I thought it was important to throw it out there.

As I’m sure you know, the reason we do it in Jesus’ name is because, when Adam and Eve sinned, we lost our privilege of direct communication with God. So now Jehovah has approved of only one way to communicate with him, which is through a mediator—the Son of God, Jesus Christ.

I close my prayers with: “I pray to you in Jesus’ name, Amen.” (mostly when I give thanks before dinner or for a quick prayer about something) OR if my prayer is more elaborate, I will say something like: "Father, I humbly ask you to hear my prayer, according to your will, in the name of your loving Son, our reigning King, Christ Jesus, Amen.”

You don’t have to do this word for word. You just go by your own style on the condition it is in Jesus’ name.

I just thought I would mention it because I had no idea about this until I started to read the bible. This probably explains why, years ago when I prayed, I didn't feel any connection with God, whether or not he heard my prayers.

The first time I felt that he heard my prayer was when I cried out his name in the shower during that relapse I had two years ago. Thereafter, my prayers have always been answered, at least that is what I feel. I can tell when he gives me guidance. It is an exquisite experience and feeling to feel his love and holy spirit upon me. This doesn’t make me more special to anyone else in Jehovah’s eyes--it just means that our relationship, connection, awareness, etc., with Jehovah is individual.

We communicate in Jesus’ name because in John 14:6 Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” And in John 15:16 it reads: …”so that no matter what you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.”

Something else to think about is we should “pray in harmony with God’s will.” As Matthew 7:21 reads: “Not everyone saying to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter into the Kingdom of the heavens, but only the one doing the will of my Father who is in the heavens will.”

Many people will live life and pray according to their will instead of God’s will. As it says in Psalm 4:3: “Know that Jehovah will treat his loyal one in a special way; Jehovah will hear when I call to him.” Jehovah treats his loyal ones in a special way!

At any time, let me know if you want the links to the articles on praying. You can read them when you get the chance. An understanding of how to pray has certainly improved my relationship with Jehovah and my connection to him--something of which I never had before.

Do what you can for your friend and leave the rest to Jehovah.

I will leave you with a link that I hope will bring a smile to your face. It might even bring a smile to your friends face :D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU

I was listening to this while I was eating dinner. My uncle (whom I provide informal care for) was a little tense, so I just went up to him and gave him a big warm hug and sang this song to him. He loved it and was in such a great mood thereafter :lol:
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Wonderwoman97
Posts: 20
Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Postby Wonderwoman97 » Thu Aug 08, 2019 8:45 am

Spleefy,
Very glad to know I’m doing the best I can. You’re absolutely right though- I’ve only known him for four months. That can’t replace close friends. For some reason, I guess, in my brain, I thought since we almost dated, that would “fast track” me. But, especially with what his last ex did, I can understand walls and possible hesitation. I try to remind myself of that.

And I’m so sorry- let me clarify for you. I was wondering if it was a good idea to reach out to our mutual friend. I don’t want to come off as shady or look like I went behind his back. While I want to give him space, I want to know what’s going on and how he is. And my natural self isn’t afraid to go up to people and confront them, so to speak, about what’s happening, but I know I can’t do that here because it might drive him further away. I have no problem talking to people about things; but, because I’m trying to be respectful of his needs, I’m not going to do that. But I do want to know what’s going on, maybe find out why our relationship didn’t progress too, and just make sure we’re still friends. Maybe I can even get some perspective on why he’s doing what he is.

I’ve always prayed in Jesus’ name, but I love the idea of adding "Father, I humbly ask you to hear my prayer, according to your will, in the name of your loving Son, our reigning King, Christ Jesus, Amen.”

I know Jehovah hears my prayers, but any way I can pray to help myself really believe it will he welcome. Any articles or links you have are welcome and I’d love to check them out!

And thank you for the advice. I will do what I can for my friend and leave the rest to Jehovah.

And thanks for the link! I’ll save it and send it to my friend :)

Again, many many thanks for everything. I so appreciate it all.

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Postby Spleefy » Thu Aug 08, 2019 10:01 am

Wonderwoman97,

Ahh, I get it now, thanks for clarifying. You will need to decide what you think is best. I don’t want to sway you either way and especially be responsible if something does go down.

However, I will say what I would do if he was my friend…

I would definitely ask a mutual friend how he is. I cannot see the harm in that because you are merely inquiring about his well-being. It shows you are taking an interest in how he is doing. It shows that you care.

I do it with my friends! I will ask a mutual friend, their father, etc., how such and such is doing. Does that person need anything? Is there anything I can do? Do you need anything? And they will give me updates on how things are going.

I have noticed a lot of posts are about, “how do I help my friend/partner with depression” scenario.

I think what may help is if we just remind ourselves to not treat them differently (even though it is usually unintentional). In other words, they are still the same person. They are just going through a dark period in their life. Treat them how you normally would with the addition of giving them comfort, reassurance, love, and letting them know you are there for them.

I completely get how daunting or confronting it can be to help someone with depression. We sometimes don’t know what to say to them or what to do, and so we may act overly-cautious in fear of saying the wrong thing and pushing them away.

But I think it is better to just be their friend like you ordinarily would. Also, in order to build a strong support network for your friend, you will need open communication and be in harmony.

I can understand, though, you haven't known him long. He has also been turning to his close friends more than he has you. This would make you a bit more cautious than you otherwise would be.

You could also say to your friend something along the lines of, “I hope you don’t mind, but I asked [mutual friend] about how you were and she said you enjoyed the hike and feeling a little better (or whatever your mutual friend says).” Then you’ll know if he is okay with it or not. If he isn't, then just apologize, say you only asked because you were concerned and care, but you will respect his wishes and won't do that again.

As for asking your mutual friend about your relationship with him and other information… that depends.

Since you may not know him well enough just yet to anticipate how he will react, it would be a chance.

If it were me, I would probably just discuss those things with him directly, but only when he is better, not while he is depressed. He doesn’t need the added stress, as you already aware of.

The reason I wouldn’t talk about this with the mutual friend is because that is more of a private conversation between him and yourself.

However, there is no harm in just asking your friend if she knows if he is still interested in a friendship with you. That can be a private conversation between you and mutual friend in itself, just a simple question that does not need justification. You're investing so much of your time and energy into helping him, so you have the right to know where you stand.

But, as I said, I would keep the other part of your relationship private between just you and him out of respect.

I hope that helps. It is what I would do, but you need to decide what you feel is best, and if you are willing to take that risk of pushing him away if he did take offense, for whatever reason. Although I really can't see why someone would if you just asked a mutual friend how he was. If he does overreact to that, then darn :shock: lol.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Wonderwoman97
Posts: 20
Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Postby Wonderwoman97 » Thu Aug 08, 2019 11:26 am

Spleefy,
No problem! And thanks for the advice. I’m just feeling so helpless and stressed and I just want to know what’s happening. We used to talk a lot more and now those conversations are dwindling and I’m sad about that. I feel like I’m losing him as a friend and I don’t want to. Again, I want to be respectful but I also wanna know what’s happening. And don’t worry- I’d take l full responsibility for whatever happens.

I’d phrase it like this: Allison! I hope your summer is going well. So sorry to bother but I was wondering if you’d heard from our friend at all recently? We hung out a few times and used to talk a lot, but lately he’s been very quiet and seems kind of like he’s pushing me away. As a friend, I’m reaching out because I’m concerned. Im trying to be respectful and give him space and I’m glad he’s having fun but I also am wondering if this is normal for him and if he’s ok and if there’s anything I can do.

And that’s a good point to remember. He’s still the same person, just going through a rough period in his life. I’m trying to do that and add the assurances of I’m here. And that’s the hard thing- I’m trying to treat him like I would my other friends but also give him space. Again I don’t want to be overbearing or come off as obsessive. That’s why I’m trying to be cautious- I want to build that friendship but I don’t want to come off like I’m pushing for more. I can understand I’m not quite at close friend status but I still wish he’d talk to me more.

I will keep that in mind when I reach out to her. I don’t see him having s problem but I also am concerned he’ll think I’m being obsessive or smothering. I’ll still keep it in mind though!

And you’re right about asking her about our relationship. That’s probably a good point. I’m just confused because he won’t tell me what happened. We were fine one day the all of a sudden he got bad news about his mom and got quiet then said he wasn’t sure how he felt about a relationship and asked if we could just be friends. If she asks, can I mention that to her? She really liked me and was hoping we’d be together, too. Honestly, I’m at the point where (unless Jehovah has other plans) I think we’re just meant to be friends which is ok- I’d rather have him around than not at all. But a part of me is wondering what happened. And that’s good to know- I’ll ask her about that so I know where I am with him, just for peace of mind.

Again, I so appreciate all of your help! You’ve been amazing.

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Postby Spleefy » Thu Aug 08, 2019 12:18 pm

Wonderwoman97,

I hear you. You need to take care of yourself, too. Try not to burn yourself out in the process. But I know you will be a good judge of how much you can endure.

He is going through a lot right now… but so are you! You care about him and so naturally what he is going through is going to significantly affect you. Also, you both had a romantic moment and things were going so well… then it ended abruptly. And I understand how much you miss talking to him and spending time with your friend.

There is not much I can say or do except to give you a virtual hug and reassure you that things will be okay. Just have faith it will be.

Maybe try not to focus so much on losing him as friend. Take one day at a time. You don’t know for sure if you will or will not lose him.

A good scripture to remind us when we are worrying about what has not yet happened is found at Matthew 6:34…

So never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Each day has enough of its own troubles.”

Try not to stress or be anxious about what has not yet happened. Often we stress about things that don’t actually become a reality.

You have been doing everything you can to help him. You are doing a wonderful job, hold onto that. In Proverbs 17:17 it reads: “A true friend shows love at all times…” This is exactly what you are doing. But there is only so much one person can do, especially for something like what he is going through right now. At some point, you may need to just take a step back and be content with the contributions you have made in helping him.

Perhaps make a prayer to Jehovah for inner calm. It might be a good time to take out some time for yourself. Spend a day doing something just for you. Go out with friends or treat yourself to something enjoyable. This doesn’t mean you are abandoning him. But it will at least refresh you. You’ll also be more helpful to him if you are not too stressed. It might be something for you to consider.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Wonderwoman97
Posts: 20
Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Postby Wonderwoman97 » Fri Aug 09, 2019 2:30 pm

Spleefy,
Many thanks for all your kind words and help. And I appreciate the virtual hugs! They helped a lot :)

I’m going out with some friends this weekend so that should help me out a little. They also offered really good advice for my situation so that gave me hope and some peace. They helped me see that our relationship stopped progressing not because of me, but because he’s just got so much happening. And they saw no shadiness about him seeing old friends and not so much of me. They actually said it made a ton of sense and told me just to keep checking in so he knows I’m there.

I decided not to talk to his friend. It just didn’t feel right in my heart and I feel good about waiting on that.

I think giving him some space now will help. He can catch up with old friends and school friends and I think that’ll be good for him. I’ll continue to make my presence known and try to see him when I come into town. And I feel like that’s what Jehovah needs from me now. I tried your prayer strategies and I actually felt like I was heard and like I had an answer in my heart so THANK YOU for that. I feel like now is a time to step back, but I feel in my heart that this isn’t how this ends. I hope not.

Thank you again for the scriptures. Those always help me feel Better.

I’ll take some time for me and just keep praying. I think it’s time to step back and let the steps I’ve taken sink in and settle. You’re right- resting myself will make me better to him.

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Postby Spleefy » Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:13 pm

Hi Wonderwoman97,

Yes, I think it is worthwhile to keep in mind that things won’t always turn out the way we want them to.

As I said before, we can only give someone as much support that we can, but the rest will be up to them. Only he can pull himself out of depression, nobody can do that for him. I don’t mean that in a harsh way, but as a reality. The support only facilitates this process, not cure it.

I have been thinking, though. That’s the first :P

The friend I told you about who began self-medicating for his back pain.

When I lost him, I was quite angry because I felt I lost a close friend all because of the drugs. I blamed the drugs for breaking our friendship. I missed hanging out with him. I missed confiding in him. I missed crying with him. I missed laughing with him. I missed talking to him. And I certainly miss playing silly buggers with him. We both have a similar sense of humor. We only had to look at each other, and we knew what we were thinking and start cracking up. What an amazing bond!

It was a weird friendship because we were, in many ways, complete opposites. But we also “got” each other. Perhaps having depression in common was what the friendship was based on, I don’t really know.

I do know, though, we had a strong friendship and, of all the people in the world, we just understood each other. Our friendship had loyal love and support.

We have certainly had our ups and downs. Years ago we had a fall out and didn’t talk each other for a few years. We’ve had many issues, but also many great times. At the end of the day, our friendship did stand the test of time… until the cannabis issue.

So not only was I concerned for his well-being and safety of self-medicating, but I also lost a friend to it. This made me angry. I was angry because I lost my best friend that I have known for over 13 years, all to drugs.

Becoming spiritual has made me think about this with more clarity. I realize that if it wasn’t the drugs it would be something else. Our personalities just clashed too much. And we’ve all heard the saying, “choose your friends wisely.”

Well, that is exactly what I need to do. It isn’t what I want to do, but something I must do.

A couple of scriptures I find useful is Proverbs 13:20: “the one walking with the wise will become wise, but the one who has dealings with the stupid will fare badly.” My friend made bad choices, one after the other. He was highly intelligent, but lacked wisdom and common sense. His choices were frequently self-destructive. Clearly, then, this is not a close association I should be keeping, especially considering I’m already predisposed to depression.

And in 1Corinthians 15:33 it reads: "Do not be misled. Bad associations spoil useful habits.” If I am to build wisdom and maintain useful habits, then clearly all my hard work and good habits would be spoiled by such a friendship. So, regardless of the drugs, our friendship cannot move forward—it would be toxic.

Now, this is of course not necessarily your situation. But I thought I would share this because things may happen in a way we don’t want it to. But when pray, ask Jehovah for guidance, read the Bible, mediate on it, and reason it out, we see with more clarity and wisdom. Then we pray to Jehovah for his holy spirit to give us the strength and courage to make wise choices on the matter.

So I will always love and miss my friend and cherish what we did have.

But I know that his choices and path that he has chosen, is not the path I want to take. I just keep a warm spot in my heart for him. I do think about him from time to time, and I sometimes pray that he can find peace in his life. There is always that hope that he will make his path straight. But for now, I know that the wisest thing to do is to let him go along his path and I focus on my own.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Wonderwoman97
Posts: 20
Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Postby Wonderwoman97 » Sat Aug 10, 2019 7:40 pm

Spleefy,

That sounds like it was a wonderful friendship. Those are the best kind, where you get each other in such a way. It's good to treasure that in your heart. It's true, though. There's a lot here I cannot control and it's hard for me, because I like control. But at this point, I need to let him do his thing and just let Jehovah help. Part of me still wants to ask, "hey, are we still friends? Because it's been a while and I care about you and I miss hanging out with you." But I also feels like right now, I need to let him be.

I started a book called "It's Not Supposed to Be This Way." It's about trusting Jehovah when things don't turn out the way you hope. So far it's been super relatable and very helpful. I still feel in my heart this isn't how things end, and when people hear my story, they agree. It's just hard being patient. But I do need to prepare myself for an outcome that's different from what I'm hoping for.

He was always a good friend- I never felt uncomfortable or found myself changing who I was to fit in with him. It was one of the few times when I felt 100% free to be myself and like I was with a goo person. (That was always something I looked for in people from the get-go, keeping in mind those scriptures you shared).

I loved hearing your stories, though. Again, I'm very sorry to hear of your friend. But I understand that you have to look out for your well-being, too.

And I, as always, appreciate the encouragement. Your words bring me a lot of comfort. And I'm so grateful.

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Postby Spleefy » Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:50 am

Hi Wonderwoman,

I just wanted to check in to see how things are with you and your friend. I haven't forgotten about you guys. I hope your friend has found some respite or relief from the depression.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Wonderwoman97
Posts: 20
Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Postby Wonderwoman97 » Mon Aug 19, 2019 7:22 pm

Hello Spleefy!
Thank you so much for checking in. I did talk to my friend over the weekend, to make sure we were still cool. He was surprised that I thought that we weren't. I explained that while I didn't expect to hear from him every day or see him all the time, it had been a while. He said he was still confused that I thought that we weren't okay, because since we weren't dating, we didn't have a regularly scheduled hangout. I told him I understood, but I considered him my friend and since I wanted to be sensitive of his situation, I wanted to make sure I hadn't crossed any lines. He said he appreciated me asking. And later that night, I saw him at school, at a hangout we frequented. He said hello, hugged me, then went back to his friends, where he stayed for the time. While somewhat tipsy, he looked kind of sad, and kept watching me the whole time at the bar, and said goodbye to me when I left. His friends hugged me and were excited to see me. I sent him a message the next day thanking him for talking to me, telling him I'd hate to have crossed a line and not have apologized, saying I didn't want to make his life harder than it was. He said I was absolutely welcome and it was nice to see me.

I spoke to my counselor about everything today. She said he's still really processing things, it sounds like. I agree. I'm going to give him space. I feel deep in my heart this is not how this story ends; I think it's just not time yet to see how it ends, which is hard. But, I'm going to do some things for me. In researching ways to help my friend, I realized i have a passion for helping people with mental illnesses and am passionate about advocating for it. I've applied to volunteer at a mental illness agency in my hometown- I'm awaiting results!

Thanks for the prayers- I'm continuing to pray as well still.

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Postby Spleefy » Tue Aug 20, 2019 10:40 am

Wonderwoman!!

It is wonderful to hear from you. I’m glad you and your friend had a chance to talk about these matters that were troubling you. Try not to read too much into it. It seems things are going how they are meant to.

I think that is wise. It is good to focus on yourself for a bit. It sounds like you’ve given him as much support as you can for the time being. Now it is YOU time :)

Aw wow, I’m so happy that you have realized you passion and have goals. You will definitely make an amazing advocate for people experiencing hardship due to depression and other imbalances. You have all the right traits and the heart for it. All the best with your pursuits. Please keep us posted with the results and your journey. I'm so excited for you!!! :D
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Wonderwoman97
Posts: 20
Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Postby Wonderwoman97 » Wed Aug 21, 2019 1:05 pm

Spleefy,
Do you know anything about BPD (borderline personality disorder?) I’ve been doing some more research and I think this might be what my friend has. He fits a lot of the symptoms:
-emotional instability
-insecurity
-impulsivity
-impaired social relationships
-lack of restraint,
-risk taking behaviors
-anxiety,
-depression
-narcissism

What do you think? He’s officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Do you know if ways I could help him? If this is the case.

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Postby Spleefy » Wed Aug 21, 2019 10:05 pm

I have heard of it, but don't know anything about it.

Has your friend being diagnosed as having BPD? Would be best to get an official diagnosis and treatment plan for whatever he may have.

All you can do is just give him support and show him that you care, which you have already been doing.

It is actually fascinating. I just realized many of the characteristics you listed for BPD (except narcissism) fits the personality of my best friend I was telling you about. However, I don't believe he was diagnosed with BPD. This doesn't mean he does not have it. But having those characteristics won't necessarily mean he does have BPD, as many conditions have overlapping symptoms.

As I think i mentioned before, I am my uncles full-time, informal carer.

He has extremely severe intellectual disability caused by hypoxia (lack of oxygen) to the brain. However, he also displays many of the same characteristics of autism. Years ago, I looked into this further and he does indeed have many of the same symptoms. However, recently I was told by his doctor (who has known my uncle for 18 years) that he doesn't have autism. The doctor said that his intellectual impairment can possibly lead to the same symptoms as autism.

So, as I said, better to get an official diagnosis.

However, that doesn't mean you can't be of help to him.

As I said, my friend displays many of the symptoms you listed for BPD. So in my particular situation, over the years that I knew him, I tried to help him to keep his insecurities, emotional instability, impulsivity, lack of restraint, and risk-taking behaviors in check.

It was easier in my case because we were close friends and he used me as a role model (which is not a good idea because I'm just an imperfect human with flaws like the rest of the world). Nevertheless, he told me that he looks up to me. So I just kept doing my best to set a good example for him to follow--that is, lead by example, whilst encouraging him to be his own man and make wise choices on his own.

Mind you, I had depression at the time so I wasn't exactly stable myself, but my strengths has always been discipline, self-control, restraint, and thinking things through. These are some of the things about me that he revered and wanted to possess. The only problem is, when we weren't hanging out, he would slip back to his old ways after a while. Another issue was that sometimes he would form bad associations and model himself after those people. One time, this lead to him living with this guy that completely corrupted his mind and outlook.

Your friend and my friend appear to share many of the same characteristics. However, their personalities, thinking, and outlook in life could completely differ. But hopefully my experience will stimulate some ideas for your particular situation.

Perhaps you can also talk to his close friends (those who would have greater influence on him) and discuss options and strategies with them on how to help him. His close friends that he has known for a while may be able to exert a greater influence on him and be a good role model.

Let me know how it goes.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

Wonderwoman97
Posts: 20
Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Postby Wonderwoman97 » Sun Aug 25, 2019 2:38 pm

Spleefy,

He's not officially diagnosed with BPD- I came across the disorder while studying to prepare for my volunteer interview for the mental health agency and noticed A LOT of similarities. I agree with you, an official diagnosis is best, 100%. I wasn't sure, though, if researching the disorder and using some suggestions for support from there would be a good idea. But that's true, conditions do have overlapping symptoms. That's interesting that your friend has a lot of those characteristics. Maybe my net research project is to see how BPD differs from anxiety and depression? Just to help get a better understanding of the disorders.

I do remember you mentioning your uncle. That's a good point. My freshman year of college, I was studying to become a teacher for children with special needs. I missed a question on an exam that was like your uncle's situation. I never forgot it because when I asked the teacher, she said hypoxia can cause symptoms that are similar to other conditions.

Interesting to note about your friend. Back when I was really close with mine, I noticed him calming, stabilizing. Then, when his mom got really sick and he started pushing me away, he went right back to the insecurities, emotional instability, impulsivity, lack of restraint, and risk-taking behaviors. Part of me wonders if he's just being a senior in college guy, part of me wonders if he's doing these to get his mom off his mind. But I do remember him calming and these conditions getting better when we were close. It's true they may have different personalities, thinking, and life outlooks, but your experience definitely helps me make some connections here.

Not abad idea to talk to his friends, really. Next weekend when I'm at the school, I'll see if I can talk to them in person.

I do miss my friend still, though I'm glad that he still considers me a friend. Still sending lots of prayers. It hurts sometimes, but I am enjoying the me time. I'm also incredibly excited about my interview Tuesday for volunteering at the mental health agency. I'm looking forward to not only learning more, but being able to help people in some way.

Many thanks for the help and prayers as always!

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Trying to be Supportive- What Else Can I Do?

Postby Spleefy » Wed Aug 28, 2019 11:36 am

Yep, I can’t see any harm in doing your own research. I do it for my own issues, since doctors and the like tend to rush and thus misdiagnose. I’ve had to cure my own ailments, including depression, and succeed in record time where doctors failed miserably. So I am willing to risk being my own guinea pig and trust my own judgment and treatment more than I do doctors, especially country doctors. So I concluded the best approach is to research and be in charge of our own health, but still exercise good judgment on when we need to seek help from a doctor.

Long story short… research to your heart's content. I find it pays off in my own experiences.

I totally relate to you missing your friend. I will always miss my best mate (the one I have known for around 17 years since we were pups). I miss talking to him about anything. I miss his intelligence. I miss his whack job personality and sense of humor that was only matched by my own. I miss laughing together and going on adventures. I miss giving each other love and support. I miss that one person that actually gives and gives, without ever thinking about getting anything in return. I have never met anyone else like that! He was truly a one of kind friend. I have never found anyone that I could be my absolute self with. In many ways, he was my kindred spirit.

Alas… I must accept that I have outgrown him and thus a friendship with him would inhibit growth instead of promote it. Despite this, I will always miss him. That will NEVER change. There are times when it can be a bit hard. Sometimes when I watch a movie or hear a song or do something that we shared, I will remember him. This will make me think of those fond times and I start to miss him.

But, that was just a chapter in my life that is now over. Plenty more amazing chapters to begin and people to befriend. I already have some amazing friends, that are starting to grow stronger. That is how we must look at things. I’ve also had a best friend in high school that was similar, but different… if that makes sense. I thought I would never have another friend like him, until I met this one. I lost contact with my high school best friend, but it was replaced by another one. So I figured, based on that reasoning, I will indeed meet another kindred spirit when I’m in the right place at the right time.

Anyway, that is kinda different to your situation, but I thought I would just share it because it 1) helps reinforce my positive and optimistic outlook, and 2) to share a story that may help others to always know there is a bright side to most things in life, if we just keep our heart and mind open to it. We often get so caught up in the bad stuff that happens in our lives that it blocks us from seeing all the good around us, even right in front of our eyes.

By the way… how did you interview go? I think you have already had it?
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18


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