friend is suffering depression but is not getting help... what should i do?

Depression/anxiety may have touched your family, your friends, yourself; what helps you to deal with it? Sharing is caring!

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mochajave
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu May 02, 2019 10:02 am

friend is suffering depression but is not getting help... what should i do?

Postby mochajave » Thu May 02, 2019 10:20 am

My friend was hospitalized for a few days and diagnosed with depression. He had been suffering from insomnia for about half a year before that.

After going home from the hospital he stopped working, he had seen a few psychologist & psychiatrist but he felt like they don’t understand him, and also every time he visit a new psychologist/psychiatrist he needs to tell them his story all over again and the process was exhausting. After the hospitalization episode I noticed he is not as articulate as he used to be, and just seems to be in a very confused / anxious state all the time. Now he is just not getting any professional help at all, and head spinning negative thoughts all day long. He worried that he will never be normal again and wouldn’t be able to support his family (he is married, and support his mom, who has bipolar).

I told him he needs to get profession help, take med etc. But he said he had seen the side effect of med has on his mom and doesn’t go that route. When he was hospitalized they gave him med, but he said those med made him couldn’t talk, can’t think straight, so he doesn’t want to take the med. And I said maybe just start with psychologist, but he would say he doesn’t think just talking can help him. So he just ended up doing nothing, sitting at home and letting the negative thoughts downward spiral.

I’m no depression expert, never know anyone personally that suffer from it. This is the first time for me. I feel like he really need to be seeing a psychiatrist, be on the some medical to get out of the downward spiral… But he is not willing to do that. I have been doing a little reading and seems like inability to seek help is not uncommon in ppl suffering depression… I’m really worrying about him, as a friend what can I do? Do I have to physically cajole / escort him to see some psychiatrists? When his wife ask him to get help he wouldn’t listen. I feel like sometimes maybe someone would listen better to a friend than a spouse...

Anyways I’m a noob, just joined this website to start to get some ideas who has experience in this… I’m open to any idea / suggestion. Thanks in advance...

Donnie E. Lusk
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri May 24, 2019 6:18 am

Re: friend is suffering depression but is not getting help... what should i do?

Postby Donnie E. Lusk » Fri May 24, 2019 7:14 am

There are lot of options for depression but one of my friend was also facing the same problem in his life. And someone suggested him an emotional support animal, and now he is living a healthy life. So in my point of view ESA is the best option for someone facing the same problem.

papillon
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon May 20, 2019 7:45 pm

Re: friend is suffering depression but is not getting help... what should i do?

Postby papillon » Sat May 25, 2019 4:51 pm

I am sorry to hear about you friend.

I am not an expert but what I find helps a lot of people is meeting someone who is going through the same thing; if your friend is open to joining some sort of group, that could be a start to helping them. Hope this helps!

kenopam
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2019 6:39 pm

Re: friend is suffering depression but is not getting help... what should i do?

Postby kenopam » Mon Jun 03, 2019 7:24 pm

I'm in AA and that helps being around people and and an expert on Codependency, Darlene Lancer told me to go to Al-Anon. It's not just for people married to Alcoholics ! She said it saved her life and I've heard good things from that. I wonder if his depression is connected to family because I came from an alcoholic home but even if it's just a dysfunctional home then you would find help in Al-Anon! I'm in a depression because of my mothers passing and her not wanting anything to do with me and it's because of my insane behavior either with love addiction, alcohol addiction or my eating disorders. I actually can understand why she felt that way before she passed. She tried every way to help me. I think ADHD contributed to my addictions as well as codependency! Good luck and he needs to be around people ! I wasn't sleeping so my doctor put me on trazodone which is actually an antidepressant. I take it at night I it's great for sleep!

Spleefy
Posts: 241
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: friend is suffering depression but is not getting help... what should i do?

Postby Spleefy » Sat Aug 10, 2019 2:25 pm

Hi Mochajave,

I can only imagine how hard it is for you to see your friend go through this experience.

His feelings are all too familiar to mine when I had depression. I did psychotherapy, CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and RET (Rational Emotive Threapy) namely, but few other therapies such as breathing exercises.

Like your friend, I also found it exhausting to do pyschotherapy because I was just venting, telling them the same story over and over. It got to the stage where I felt like it wasn’t working. To add salt to the wound, I felt like they just did not and could not possibly understand me because they have never had depression themselves. Of course, this is not good reasoning because that is like saying a doctor can't treat cancer because he hasn't had it himself. But at the time that is how I felt.

Telling someone who is depressed to “think positive” is like telling them depression doesn’t even exist. However, there is validity in forcing ourselves to be more positive and letting go of negative, self-destructive thought patterns. It’s just at the time, at least in my case, your mind ticks over with so many negative thoughts and it feels like you cant stop them. The thoughts just won’t stop ticking over and over. Then you get frustrated and exhausted at this and feel worse and even more useless and pathetic. Then that turns into despair which in turn segues into thoughts of self-harm.

Medication is not always a must for depression and anxiety. Medication can be helpful, yes, but depression is not a Prozac deficiency.

I remember going to the doctors, telling them I was depressed. First thing they did is go to the medicine cabinet and hand me a packet of antidepressants like they were candy. I could come back every 2-4 weeks for more candy. Negligent much? :lol: But things may have changed since I was depressed.

As such, I was forced to overcome the depression without therapy or drugs. So it is possible to rise above depression without conventional therapy. However, bear in mind, this was an informed decision I made to remove myself from all therapy and do the job myself. As they say, if you want a job done properly, do it yourself. That is what I had to do in my case. It may be something for your friend to think about, too. There is always hope, you just need to try different things.

So in this case, for him to deny meds or therapy may not be the same thing as not getting help. He just needs to find the right type of support that is catered to his individual needs. Right now, he feels like nothing will work since, in his mind, they have or will fail. Meds and therapy isn’t effective for everyone, and all meds have side-effects. But sometimes the side-effects are lesser of the two evils and thus needs to be weighed.

However, in saying that, if he does not feel the therapy and meds is going to help, then he should be replacing it with something else. He might want to keep the doors open to mainstream therapy, though, because sometimes things take time to work and even needs tweaking from time to time. Never close doors! Maybe he could try other meds that will have less undesirable side effects.

Have you both thought of natural therapies? A naturopath is another option. A naturopath will be more thorough than a doctor, use natural therapies to facilitate the healing process, get to the underlying cause of the depression rather than merely suppressing the symptoms as is the custom with conventional medicine, and have a treatment plan catered to your friend's specific health needs.

He should be setting some wheels in motion, not remaining idle. Depression thrives in idleness. Encourage him to not give up hope. He can and will get to the other side of depression, but only if he keeps trying. Perhaps try reasoning and appealing with him that if he wants to get better then he needs to get back on the horse. If he gives up now, he will NEVER get better. You may need to boost his motivation like that of a life coach just to spur him into action.

Sometimes you need to exhaust all avenues until you find what works. It took me over ten years to find what worked for me. That sounds like a long time, but only because I didn’t know now what I knew back then.

Only you can judge what action to take because you know him and can see him. Either way, he does need to be doing something to help himself. If this goes on for an extended period of time, and you have tried everything you can think of to help him to get back on the horse, then stronger intervention may be necessary, such as hospitalization.

When I was in a bad way, my psychologist was worried for my safety. He said, "do you need to go to the hospital? If, so I will take you there. Do you want that to happen?" I did NOT want to go to hospital, so it motivated me a bit to be more proactive in my own healing lest I be taken to hospital. The threat worked for me, but only you can be the judge on whether or not that would work for him or push him away.

A friend’s wife is experiencing a depressive bout at the moment. She wouldn’t get out of bed, lacked motivation, wouldn’t shower, barely ate. After some time, the husband had to intervene and check her into the hospital for her own safety and well-being.

If things get really severe with your friend, don’t be afraid to take take whatever action is necessary to protect him. But at this stage, just keep encouraging him, reassuring him, and giving him hope. You know his personality better than I do, so you will need to find the “right words” to appeal to him and kick him into action. Use that to your advantage to help motivate him into action.

Maybe appeal to him by using his family as a reason for him to get better. If he loves his family, then he needs to keep trying, if not for his sake then for his family. Just find something that you can use as leverage to motivate him into action.

Another idea is if he is one of those guys who play the "be a man" card. If so, appeal to his male ego.

And yet another idea is to perhaps, if you haven't already, talk to a therapist yourself. Ask him/her for ideas on how to approach this. Because sometimes you need to approach a delicate situation like this with caution. You don't want to make matters worse and cause more harm than good. My suggestions are unqualified and only ideas to play around with to figure out what you think is best.

You will find a way to help your friend. Just keep trying.

Prycejosh1987
Posts: 368
Joined: Sun May 31, 2020 10:54 am
Location: Birmingham UK
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Re: friend is suffering depression but is not getting help... what should i do?

Postby Prycejosh1987 » Fri Jun 05, 2020 11:37 am

mochajave wrote:My friend was hospitalized for a few days and diagnosed with depression. He had been suffering from insomnia for about half a year before that.

After going home from the hospital he stopped working, he had seen a few psychologist & psychiatrist but he felt like they don’t understand him, and also every time he visit a new psychologist/psychiatrist he needs to tell them his story all over again and the process was exhausting. After the hospitalization episode I noticed he is not as articulate as he used to be, and just seems to be in a very confused / anxious state all the time. Now he is just not getting any professional help at all, and head spinning negative thoughts all day long. He worried that he will never be normal again and wouldn’t be able to support his family (he is married, and support his mom, who has bipolar).

I told him he needs to get profession help, take med etc. But he said he had seen the side effect of med has on his mom and doesn’t go that route. When he was hospitalized they gave him med, but he said those med made him couldn’t talk, can’t think straight, so he doesn’t want to take the med. And I said maybe just start with psychologist, but he would say he doesn’t think just talking can help him. So he just ended up doing nothing, sitting at home and letting the negative thoughts downward spiral.

I’m no depression expert, never know anyone personally that suffer from it. This is the first time for me. I feel like he really need to be seeing a psychiatrist, be on the some medical to get out of the downward spiral… But he is not willing to do that. I have been doing a little reading and seems like inability to seek help is not uncommon in ppl suffering depression… I’m really worrying about him, as a friend what can I do? Do I have to physically cajole / escort him to see some psychiatrists? When his wife ask him to get help he wouldn’t listen. I feel like sometimes maybe someone would listen better to a friend than a spouse...

Anyways I’m a noob, just joined this website to start to get some ideas who has experience in this… I’m open to any idea / suggestion. Thanks in advance...

Love conquers all. What i mean is love for each other can change things and it can change mentality in a person. It can help a person be more optimistic on tough situations. Specialists work sometimes and sometimes they dont. Listen to their advice but he needs to do his own part, and take steps to improving areas of his wellbeing and his life.


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