Depression Understood Forums

Hello everyone.

I want to warn you that what I'm about to tell you may be triggering or it may be hard to read but I don't really know what to do.

I'm in a relationship with a wonderful woman for the last three years but she's had bouts of depression. It's been pretty manageable but lately it's gotten worse. She's been talking about how this will be her last year alive and how she needs to find a lawyer for a will and to send letters to her friends and family.

In fairness to her, she's had a pretty rough life between an abusive mother, years of bullying by classmates and an adult life that hasn't been all that easy either.

I've been trying to get her to see a therapist but she refuses to see anyone.

What can I do? I don't want to lose her.

Hello. It's great that you are trying to get help for her. For the first step I would recommend getting in touch with her psychiatrist, assuming she's having a treatment. If you can't contact her doctor, then you can call suicide hotlines and try to get help.

I'm trying so hard to help her but no matter what I do, it doesn't help. In fact it makes things worse. She keeps going into these cycles of phrases.

"Don't you see? I can't be saved! I'm too broken! I'm a loser!"

And now she's talking about ending her life at the end of the year.

Maybe help her realize how much she means to you and how you would be without her. Show her all of the consequences and what it's like when someone dies. Especially someone you love.

I am trying to make her realize how much she means to me. But I think her depression is from a pretty deep an existential place because she kept saying that even if she would go to therapy, what else would there be for her? She asked me that question so many times that I can't answer. Of course, I could answer but no answer I could give was one she wanted to hear. Almost like she wanted me to tell her that it's hopeless and that she's right that she's too broken to be saved. I don't believe that for one instant but I understand her thinking.

When I suffered from depression, I knew that medication and therapy wasn't helping. Because with all the therapy and drugs I was taking, it wasn't changing the reality of what I was facing. And I think that's what she's facing right now that despite anything she would do, it wouldn't change the reality of her situation.

So, now I'm just as stuck as she is. She sees no hope for her situation or her life and now she's talking about her plan for the end and I'm at my wits end.

BrokenPen wrote:Hello everyone.

I want to warn you that what I'm about to tell you may be triggering or it may be hard to read but I don't really know what to do.

I'm in a relationship with a wonderful woman for the last three years but she's had bouts of depression. It's been pretty manageable but lately it's gotten worse. She's been talking about how this will be her last year alive and how she needs to find a lawyer for a will and to send letters to her friends and family.

In fairness to her, she's had a pretty rough life between an abusive mother, years of bullying by classmates and an adult life that hasn't been all that easy either.

I've been trying to get her to see a therapist but she refuses to see anyone.

What can I do? I don't want to lose her.

You need to stress the point that suicide is not the option that is good, and it doesnt solve issues it makes things worse. When someone commits suicide, it devastates people they leave behind and creates a cycle. You should bring someone to her for take her to see a counsellor or a therapist. Persist, she is being stubborn because shes afraid to accept change even though deep down inside she wants it. When someone goes through problem after problem it can really affect the mentality in a negative way. Its best to put the past behind her.