Is HE pushing me away or is it depression?

Depression/anxiety may have touched your family, your friends, yourself; what helps you to deal with it? Sharing is caring!

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Is HE pushing me away or is it depression?

Postby Marci » Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:40 pm

I have been in a seemingly happy relationship with a man in his mid-forties for just under a year. About a month and a half ago he suddenly became withdrawn and seemed to just shut down. For several weeks prior he complained of being financially stressed and overwhelmed with everything from work to his teenage son draining him financially (he's a single dad of a 1st year college student). It seems as though our seemingly happy relationship is gone... suddenly a man who chatted with me three to four times a day barely calls at all and rarely responds to my calls or messages. When he does respond, he insist that he loves me, but hasn't initiated any physical contact. I initially thought this was his way of ending the relationship, but as I look back over the past year I realize that perhaps he might be suffering from depression. He has very, very irregular sleep patterns, sometimes sleeping in excess of 12 hours a day, but still complains of being tired. Is isolation a symptom of depression?

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Postby dd-va » Fri Mar 16, 2012 2:04 pm

Hi Marci
There are many symptoms of depression, and each case seems to be different. We all respond and react differently to stressors. Have you tried having a talk with him? Let him know you are concerned for him, and how his behaviors are making you feel. Perhaps suggest he see a doctor to help him be able to manage his stress and/or feelings more effectively.
~The way others treat me does not define me!~


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Postby Obayan » Sat Mar 17, 2012 5:19 am

Change of sleep pattern (including excesive sleep) is one of the many symptoms of depression. So is isolation. Please have him talk to a counselor. It can help a lot.

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Does depression make him think, he doesn't love me?

Postby Lexington » Wed Nov 14, 2012 7:54 am

Hi there, I am looking for some advice:
My devoted partner of 7 years changed over night. He went from being attentive and loving to a cold irratible restless stranger who turned against me. He wasnt sleeping and he lost weight. He stopped talking to me for no reason and would not share anything with me. The opposite of the man he used to be. All typical symptoms of depression.
In the months leading up to this, he had been under awful pressure and stress from work and friends.
After a month of him shutting me out and being argumentative, he ended the relationship, saying the spark was gone and he needed space to sort out his head.
Since then I have kept the lines of communication open, offering to stand by him but he pushes me away. He never contacts me first.
He is seeing a therapist, but I am not sure if it is helping as I can’t see an improvement.
I love him so much even though he had treated me very badly since this happened.
Should I keep the door open, or is this his way of ending the relationship. Should I accept it is over and that he actually does not love me? Or will he want me back after he beats what I think is depression?
I need to know before we sell our house and loose our home.

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Does he still love me??? OR is it depression?

Postby Lexington » Wed Nov 14, 2012 10:20 am


I would really appreciate some views on my entry below.

I am going round in circles. Everyone says to let him go, but if it is depression then how can I abandon him. I'd like to understand why he is so angry with me, and it seems to be only me. I asked him why, and he says this is not about me??? He seems to be in great form when speaking to people he barely knows. Spending loads of time with random friends. Anyone but myself really. Can anybody explain this to me? We are both in our 30s and had planned on spending the rest of our lives together until he changed overnight. All of a sudden he gave up on us without even trying to talk about it.

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Re: Does he still love me??? OR is it depression?

Postby husky69 » Thu Nov 22, 2012 6:42 am


I am on a similar boat as you, my wife of one year decided she did not love me anymore and moved out of house.

We have been together for 8 years despite this issue, I for one am not giving up on her as depression is in her family. One day she is very negative and the next positive and talking about the future together. It is a very hard, worrying time for me but recently I have taken a step back and gave her time, she agreed to visit a counciller which is a start, the first session she thought was not helpful only because the counciller picked up some issues. Google a woman Caroline Carr, some of the stories on her site are helpful.

I am not giving up on my wife, I hve told her I am here for her. She puts on a good face but around me and her close family she is very negative and sad All the time.

Hope this helps a little, hang in there if you love person despite what they say.

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Postby Lexington » Fri Nov 23, 2012 8:55 am

Thanks a million for sharing your story and for your inspiration.
I dont know how long it will be before he wants me back, if at all.

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Postby iminrepair » Tue Jan 22, 2013 11:52 am


Im currently going through the same thing, it seems as everyones partners who are depressed push them away, and seem to blame everything on them. My gf's mother died 1 month into our relationship due to cancer. our first few months were amazing, she made me very happy, never have i loved anyone as much as her. We've been together for 7 months and i was patient and understanding about her depression. I was always there to support her, but during the holidays she totally shut down on me. as new years came she decided to end our relationship out of the blue, saying she is not in a good state to be in a relationship. she said im too much for her and she didnt think it was fair for me to have to wait for her. that she didnt have the energy for me. She split with me 3 weeks ago. we are still friends. and still text eachother. I just dont get why she does have the energy to go out with her friends every weekend and drink. but everytime we would go out togheter she never wanted to drink with me...

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