No idea what’s going on

[Bellavista89]

I met my lovely (ex) in September last year and can honestly say no other man treated me as good as he did, I’m divorced with 2 children and he was so good around them, he has a son with his ex and plays an active role in his life he’s a great father,
to cut a long story short from the first day we met he was open with me about his depression he said his family though maybe it was bipolar,
just before Christmas he took me out for a meal and explained that he struggles with his depression around this time of the year and that if he goes quiet not to worry and not to think it’s anything that I’ve done because it’s not he just gets low and that’s how he deals with it, I told him I’d be there for him no matter what and we just continued to enjoy our night.
I noticed a huge change in him around the beginning of January he would always text me in the mornings and ask how my day was going etc those stopped and when I asked him about his day I’d get a cold reply just saying he’s been really busy.
He’d complain that his joins were hurting he stopped sleeping and would work himself into the ground he was up at 5am and some night wouldn’t finish till 10! As it got to the end of January I was being completely ignored I tried to call and he wouldn’t pick up he wouldn’t reply to my text etc I didn’t see him for over a week I felt I was being avoided... then the kids start asking where he is and why they’ve not seen him (they’re 6 and
Anyway he completely pushed me away and told me he had a lot going on etc then ended our relationship, he’s still left things here and I’ve text asking if he wants me to drop it off or leave it somewhere so that he can collect it but I’m still being ignored, he’s left our relationship on facebook but has just hidden it and after speaking to a mutual friend he had seen him only last week and had no idea our relationship was over,
Just don’t know what to do I want to be there for him but he won’t let me does it sound like he’ll come back when he’s had his space or am I fighting a looosing battle I really like this man.

[markrzad]

I don't know what this person is thinking, what they are going through or how difficult their depression can be. However, what I do know from my own depression is that when I enter into a deep depression I tend to isolate myself from others. I find I am exhausted from even casual get togethers, like meeting up with someone for breakfast or lunch. I just need space and a nap to recoup....and that is just one day and with me not working!

I know when someone asks me "how I am doing", I can't just say "I'm doing fine, how about you?" In my thinking I just go backwards into my depression and think, how can this person not know that I'm not well? I've mentioned that I'm depressed, can't they see it? Don't they understand? And I would say having been in deeper depressions and currently in a lighter stage that no....people don't see depression or how sad someone is if they put on a smile and fake it. And no, people don't understand what it's like to go through depression or what and how people think and feel about themselves while they are in a deep depression.

For this reason I have written articles on this forum to help educate and inform families of those who deal with a depressed person. I feel that once I am understood, even a little bit, I feel more accepted and can accept love in return.

Whether or not this man will come back is an unknown. He sounds like he is a good father to his own child and to yours as well...which is great. But if he needs time to heal and is seeking out therapy for healing, that would be good as well. Since depression isn't a fault or shortcoming, but is an illness. It is likely something that will not go away and is a fight each and every day to just get up in the morning, let alone deal with the events of the day. The fact that he has left stuff with you is a good indication that he will be back at some point...but in the meantime I would suggest getting help for yourself first.

You've reached out on this forum, which is a great start...and you will find a lot of helpful people on this forum as well. But you may also want to speak to a therapist and let them know who you are in a relationship with, to help navigate some of the more difficult waters of their depression. By you being in a good and healthy mental state of mind will help the person who has depression as well. You can be a shoulder they can lean on and a person who they can share their own personal experience with depression.

I wish and hope all the best for you and this journey you are on.

[Prycejosh1987]

:cry: I met my lovely (ex) in September last year and can honestly say no other man treated me as good as he did, I’m divorced with 2 children and he was so good around them, he has a son with his ex and plays an active role in his life he’s a great father,
to cut a long story short from the first day we met he was open with me about his depression he said his family though maybe it was bipolar,
just before Christmas he took me out for a meal and explained that he struggles with his depression around this time of the year and that if he goes quiet not to worry and not to think it’s anything that I’ve done because it’s not he just gets low and that’s how he deals with it, I told him I’d be there for him no matter what and we just continued to enjoy our night.
I noticed a huge change in him around the beginning of January he would always text me in the mornings and ask how my day was going etc those stopped and when I asked him about his day I’d get a cold reply just saying he’s been really busy.
He’d complain that his joins were hurting he stopped sleeping and would work himself into the ground he was up at 5am and some night wouldn’t finish till 10! As it got to the end of January I was being completely ignored I tried to call and he wouldn’t pick up he wouldn’t reply to my text etc I didn’t see him for over a week I felt I was being avoided... then the kids start asking where he is and why they’ve not seen him (they’re 6 and
Anyway he completely pushed me away and told me he had a lot going on etc then ended our relationship, he’s still left things here and I’ve text asking if he wants me to drop it off or leave it somewhere so that he can collect it but I’m still being ignored, he’s left our relationship on facebook but has just hidden it and after speaking to a mutual friend he had seen him only last week and had no idea our relationship was over,
Just don’t know what to do I want to be there for him but he won’t let me does it sound like he’ll come back when he’s had his space or am I fighting a looosing battle I really like this man.

I think you should spend time intervening in his life. Its not enough to say i will love you no matter what. Its like saying, do whatever you want i dont care. That is probably how he took what you said. He needs to be there for his children, he needs to have a healthy relationship with you as the mother of his children and vice versa. Go to his house if you need to. You can use the mutual friend to communicate with him. Help him in his depression in whatever chance you can.