Hi Ya.
Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:28 am
It is late, or early, but for me I always feel like it is late... At my back I always hear... I have screwed up to much, left to many options un-attended, to much learning un-learned. I have been 6 years with the Dr.'s and the medications and I still am unsure of my diagnosis. I am sad. I am lost. I am anxious. But I have a sense of humor. javascript:emoticon(':roll:')javascript:emoticon(':oops:')http://depression-understood.org/forum/images/smiles/icon_eek.gif
I think I have always been depressed and anxious...if by D&A you mean picked on and underachieved at school...afraid of your mother raising her risen voice, then yes indeed.
I had a specific fit as a Junior in college which cleared up like shingles, I suppose. These last 9 months have been an epiphany of loss that has left me rootless and adrift.
Dismissed of friends and co-workers, of a father and a job. Dismissed of functions and a structures and a sense of completion, and further friends (although finding too that I still have quiet a few). I feel the potential loss, the unmitigated failure of everything I care about. How can I fail to sound maudlin?
Dismissed by a Dr. Monday because we disagreed about what constituted treating my symptoms. I am waiting to return to my old and trusted team, but worry that I might not get the direct action and course correction I need. "water water everywhere by not a drop to drink"
Tonight I finished the Moviegoer by Walker Percy...about depression at its core, the question is not how the relationship became to be, but rather if the center if the ending could hold true. Binks gives up the search, settles down, agrees to be the fixed foot, which I guess if my metaphor is going to hold is both vertical and horizontal (albeit limited) in its search. Did he decide the vertical search had problems similar to the horizontal? And what will happen to him when Kate, thick with child, he awakes with his 3rd Idea of a search?
I said I have always been depressed, as my mother was also. Now I feel like I have Major Depression, Generalized Anxiety, Social Phobia, and Panic Attacks. Looking over my plans for morning, the piece of paper howls up at me, "shut-in."
My wife thinks I am in a lake paddling towards a shore. I am not so sure I'm lake and not named Bob , or Bloat.
But I do feel like time is running out, I have to define myself successfully and correctly soon. Being lost is only so much fun for so long before the crowds of children and onlookers begin to tire of you. I am sleepy now but I do not feel like sleeping.
I think I have always been depressed and anxious...if by D&A you mean picked on and underachieved at school...afraid of your mother raising her risen voice, then yes indeed.
I had a specific fit as a Junior in college which cleared up like shingles, I suppose. These last 9 months have been an epiphany of loss that has left me rootless and adrift.
Dismissed of friends and co-workers, of a father and a job. Dismissed of functions and a structures and a sense of completion, and further friends (although finding too that I still have quiet a few). I feel the potential loss, the unmitigated failure of everything I care about. How can I fail to sound maudlin?
Dismissed by a Dr. Monday because we disagreed about what constituted treating my symptoms. I am waiting to return to my old and trusted team, but worry that I might not get the direct action and course correction I need. "water water everywhere by not a drop to drink"
Tonight I finished the Moviegoer by Walker Percy...about depression at its core, the question is not how the relationship became to be, but rather if the center if the ending could hold true. Binks gives up the search, settles down, agrees to be the fixed foot, which I guess if my metaphor is going to hold is both vertical and horizontal (albeit limited) in its search. Did he decide the vertical search had problems similar to the horizontal? And what will happen to him when Kate, thick with child, he awakes with his 3rd Idea of a search?
I said I have always been depressed, as my mother was also. Now I feel like I have Major Depression, Generalized Anxiety, Social Phobia, and Panic Attacks. Looking over my plans for morning, the piece of paper howls up at me, "shut-in."
My wife thinks I am in a lake paddling towards a shore. I am not so sure I'm lake and not named Bob , or Bloat.
But I do feel like time is running out, I have to define myself successfully and correctly soon. Being lost is only so much fun for so long before the crowds of children and onlookers begin to tire of you. I am sleepy now but I do not feel like sleeping.