Hello, very depressed and lonely in Texas

[twokat]

Don't know what to say, thinking ya'll wouldn't like me or have anything to do with me either. Was diagnosed with C.O.P.D. last July and at the time, the hospital wanted to know 'next of kin'. So they contacted my daughter who I hadn't heard or seen from for 4 years. Once we started speaking again, everything seemed to be great, only because she seemed to be worried about me. I was so thankful to God, bringing us back together, even though it was because of a sickness. To make a long story short, once again she is not speaking to me, saying I am stressing her out, getting everyone she knows on her side, making it look like everything is my fault. And she doesn't even live in the same state as me. I also have no other family or friends around knocking at my door or calling me to see how I am. I am disabled but not officially yet, I can't work, which means I have no income whatsoever. My depression is at an all-time high. I feel so alone and isolated because I don't go anywhere, because who likes to go anywhere alone all the time? Plus no money for gas, etc. I feel my life is over. I pray to God all the time. I feel like I'm not suppose to be happy anymore.

Thank you for listening.

[xn728]

my dearest twokat,,well start with a hug ((((((twokat))))))),,,,your most welcome here please dont think you wont be liked ,,im sure you will find many new freinds here ,,i have many and they are a great help and support to me ,,you know im feeling pretty down myself having had a little bad news ,,and i just came for a quick look on the forum ,,and then i would have been gone ,,but i saw you were recently ,,told you have c.o.p.d,and i felt i must talk to you ,,my wife has this terrible illness ,,she has been diagnosed for 5 years ,,at this stage things are very bad ,and she always says how awful it would be if she had to cope with it on her own !!,,and now how sad i am to see your post ,and thinking of you dealing with this thing on your own ,,i know how frightened and alone you must feel ,,but im powerless to help you ,,i can only tell you that you will find kindness and support here ,,and making new freinds and swapping posts and replys may make things a little easier for you ,,please tell us how your feeing ,,i understand this illness i deal with it everyday ,,your family should be at your side at this time ,,i dont know how much you know about the illness ,,and /or if your family know ,,,but you may have to educate them ,,i dont want to make you frightened ,,i only wish for them to know and support you ,they should love you anyway but to leave you to cope with something like this on your own is not a good thing to do !!!,,to be forewarned is to be fore armed,,you have made a new freind already today ,,i will wish for you to make many more ,,this is a warm and caring place ,,you will never be turned away or ignored ,,this is a long dark road we travel together and if you should stumble reach out and we will catch your fall ,,,
i hope you find what your looking for ,,WELCOME HOME HUGS (((((TWOKAT))))))),,,,LOTS OF LOVE XN728,,,,,,KEN XXX

[twokat]

Dear XN728: I was so glad to hear someone else understood what I am feeling. And for you being the husband and caretaker of a wife who is inflicted with C.O.P.D. it's just as hard as having the disease. I am so sorry.

I sometimes go to a chat room which you might want to check out sometime. It's COPDInternational.com. It's for individuals who have the disease and also caretakers. The people are real friendly and knowledgeable. The only thing for me is that I can't seem to open up to them about how I am really feeling, depression etc. Each chat is 1 hour long. You would be very welcomed there. Of course the times of the chats are Eastern Standard Time for the U.S. your times would be like: 10:30 a.m. EST = 3:30 p.m. your time; 3:00 p.m. EST = 8:00 p.m. your time; Midnight EST = 5:00 a.m. your time. You might want to check it out.

My daughter is stationed in the Navy and I understand that is hard on her. When she first heard from the hosp. and spoke to me, she said it was her turn to take care of me since I took care of her all those years. Well that was nice to hear at the time. And she also helped a little with money once in a while to help me out. I was still working at the time. Well now I am not working, have applied for disability, have absolutely no income for gas, etc. I do live on food stamps. She paid my rent for May and when she asked me how much it was I told her and she yelled at me telling me that she could not help me with that any more and that I was stressing her out. I told her that I may end up on the streets and she didn't say anything. She also said she needed to get on with her life. She has a boyfriend who she is going to marry but they are not officially engaged yet. And because apparently I have stressed her out, she does not want me to come to her wedding. And she also has a future Mother In Law getting in the middle of it and backing her and telling me I should lay off of her and let her get on with her life. I think she needs to grow up more and get her priorities straight. If I die, I might be wrong, but she'll regret it one day, then it will be too late. My stress level is too much to handle. Of course I have the depression with what I live with daily but she has now added more depression. So much more that, I would rather have the good Lord take me now. What is the purpose. No friends or family. Plus along with the C.O.P.D. I have other health problems I haven't been able to see a doctor about because I have no insurance. I am waiting on disability hopefully to accept me. If they don't I don't know what I'll do. There are some more tests that my pulmonary doctor wants me to take, but still I can't because I have no money or insurance. I will only have the internet for the rest of this month because I won't be able to pay my bills. It's the only entertainment I have at home. I don't even have a TV.

Once again, I am so sorry your wife was strickened with this horrible disease, but she is so fortunate to have such a loving husband to care for and be there for her. That is what a marriage is all about, "till death do us part". God Bless your wife and you. I will keep her in my prayers.

Twokat

[xn728]

hey (((((((twokat)))))) ill keep it breif its early morning here and i have things to do ,,,glad you replyed you do sound upbeat ,,and i can only ask that you stay strong ,,its hard for you i know ,,but as you find more freinds here the better you may feel ,,i also suffer from severe clinical depression ,,so i know how that is for you to ,,ill try and look at the copd chat one day thanks for that !!! i will pray that you get your disability ..and i hope you dont lose your internet access, try to open up on the copd forum chat im sure it will help ,,you can say how your feeling here i trust everyone here some of the things i have posted here have been very personal indeed ,,but i cant say enough about the freinds i have made here,,my life is so much better for knowing them !!! they are so kind and careing ,,I know when were down we can sometimes hope for death ,,and i have done this many times ,,we must try and stay strong ,,to give in to the darkness would be a victory for it ,,and it would just leave your soul and take another ,,,try to come here as much as you like ,,im not always around but i would always see your posts eventually and reply ,,ok got to go now ,,call out in the darkness ,,and hear me call back ,,just so you know im in here somewere ,,,,,hope you wake to a better day ,,,hugs ((((((twokat)))))) please dont feel alone !!
lots of love ,,ken xxx