n00b (rambles on a bit, sorry!)

[Visceral]

Hello All: I am new to this forum, so please be gentle! ^-^

I wanted to give a intro, but I also needed to address issues that I am
currently struggling with, so I hope I picked the corrct area to post this in... (but i digress, i do that a lot....)

I am a 30 yr. old female living with bipolar depression & I also suffer from trich.
I am a painter and tattooist by trade. Art and living with depression are huge elements in my life.

It has been a difficult year, though better than some other times in my past.

I am feeling crippled by my depression/mania/anxiety/etc.
I recently chaged employment venues; I am tattooing in a different shop. My new boss asked me on tuesday to start working full time (in the tattoo industry part time is 40 hrs...full time is 55+++ hours, up to 80 hours a week sometimes...STRESS!)
I found myself sobbing this morning, nearly going into a panic attack...I want to work more, but I cannot seem to malke myself without dire consequence.

I want sooo badly to be the best I can be! I strive for perfection, and I want to impress my new boss...but I know my limits...and I fear "full-time" means I will get even worse coz of the stress...ad I refuse to tattoo someone poorly coz I ca't get my head straight....

How can I live life to its fullest if all I do is sabotage my own success? I feel like I take 1 step forward, and then slide off a cliff....

[dandelion]

(((((((((( Visceral ))))))))))))

Welcome to the forum, and dont worry, we dont bite people hehe. I think maybe you need to try not to be hard on yourself, we all strive for perfection, but sometimes trying too hard can break us down. Maybe just do what you can and dont push yourself too hard of doing things, but thats just how I feel, i used to be like you, wanted to impress people and live up to their expectation, but i found out that i need to do what i can do and make sure that it is within my ability and capability. It helps me to feel a bit better and not feeling stress about work and my social life. I hope things will get better for you. Feel better okay and again, welcome to the family

love
dandelion

[shatteredhopes]

*hugs* welcome to the forum!

Did your boss require you to go full time? Maybe its just that you are good at what you do so your boss wants you to work more, but if you know your limits, why not tell your boss you can't right now for health reasons or just can't right now...I dunno, I just know getting overstressed can be like pouring gasoline on the fire of mental illness for me...

Anyway, welcome again, and wishing you peace and light in your day...