An introduction
Posted: Mon Jan 18, 2010 1:38 pm
Hi there. I'm an early 30-something fellow in the midwest. I just joined the forum today, largely because I've been having some problems with the blues that just won't go away.
I've had a problem with depression since I was about 15 years old. That's when my mom started drinking really bad, and my parents noticed me sleeping all the time. It got to the point that they dragged me in to see a psychiatrist. I've been in the care of one ever since. I've been diagnosed with depression, cyclothymia, SAD, OCD, ADHD, and GAD. Some of these diagnoses I "buy," some of them I don't. I take anti-depressants and sometimes Valium when the panic gets too bad.
Since winter hit this year, and what with the economy being what it has been over the past couple of years, it's been pretty hard keeping my head above water. I don't mean to sound like I've been destitute - this year was probably the most prosperous for me on record. But it's been so hard just getting up in the morning, or maintaining focus, or having the drive to do much of anything. I don't really have anything to complain about. I drive a nice car, I have friends, folks seem to like me, the mortgage gets paid on time. I don't understand why I feel this bad.
The other thing that's really been bothering me of late is how much I've been drinking. It's getting to the point where I'm very, very clearly self-medicating. I don't understand why I just can't lay off the sauce in general. The stuff that goes along with it - the hangovers, missing work, all of the crap that goes along with drinking as much as I do is really just not worth it.
So, I went to the doctor a couple of months ago, and told him I have a drinking problem. Not trying to sound like a hypochondriac or anything, but just been drinking too much, and feeling ashamed from it. I went to a few AA meetings, but didn't like them (I know they've helped a lot of folks, but it's a religion, and I don't need another of those.) Since that time, my drinking has slowed down some, but neither the drinking nor the blues have gone away. I'm really starting to get kind of worried here, because as awful as I feel, I know things could be a lot, lot worse, and consuming the amount of vodka I do in a given week can't be good for you.
So, I have another appointment with the doctor today. When I get home, I think I'm going to go for a jog, and maybe clean up the house. I just wish I could stop feeling so stressed and exhausted. It's a conundrum, isn't it? How someone could be as anxious all the time as I am, and by the same token just have no energy whatsoever.
So, I don't mean to bore you folks with this introduction. I'm not in any danger, and I don't really have things that bad. I guess I really just wanted to write down what I'm feeling right now.
So, hi there.
I've had a problem with depression since I was about 15 years old. That's when my mom started drinking really bad, and my parents noticed me sleeping all the time. It got to the point that they dragged me in to see a psychiatrist. I've been in the care of one ever since. I've been diagnosed with depression, cyclothymia, SAD, OCD, ADHD, and GAD. Some of these diagnoses I "buy," some of them I don't. I take anti-depressants and sometimes Valium when the panic gets too bad.
Since winter hit this year, and what with the economy being what it has been over the past couple of years, it's been pretty hard keeping my head above water. I don't mean to sound like I've been destitute - this year was probably the most prosperous for me on record. But it's been so hard just getting up in the morning, or maintaining focus, or having the drive to do much of anything. I don't really have anything to complain about. I drive a nice car, I have friends, folks seem to like me, the mortgage gets paid on time. I don't understand why I feel this bad.
The other thing that's really been bothering me of late is how much I've been drinking. It's getting to the point where I'm very, very clearly self-medicating. I don't understand why I just can't lay off the sauce in general. The stuff that goes along with it - the hangovers, missing work, all of the crap that goes along with drinking as much as I do is really just not worth it.
So, I went to the doctor a couple of months ago, and told him I have a drinking problem. Not trying to sound like a hypochondriac or anything, but just been drinking too much, and feeling ashamed from it. I went to a few AA meetings, but didn't like them (I know they've helped a lot of folks, but it's a religion, and I don't need another of those.) Since that time, my drinking has slowed down some, but neither the drinking nor the blues have gone away. I'm really starting to get kind of worried here, because as awful as I feel, I know things could be a lot, lot worse, and consuming the amount of vodka I do in a given week can't be good for you.
So, I have another appointment with the doctor today. When I get home, I think I'm going to go for a jog, and maybe clean up the house. I just wish I could stop feeling so stressed and exhausted. It's a conundrum, isn't it? How someone could be as anxious all the time as I am, and by the same token just have no energy whatsoever.
So, I don't mean to bore you folks with this introduction. I'm not in any danger, and I don't really have things that bad. I guess I really just wanted to write down what I'm feeling right now.
So, hi there.
I don't do it often any more.... Somehow, I went from throwing it down the hatch & still being alright to throwing it down the hatch & afterwards not knowing who I was. I don't even know if I could drink to save my life!