Depression Understood Forums

Hi everyone. my name is lisa,i'm 28 and live in brighton,england. today is not a good day. yesterday was quite ok and i managed to do quite a bit but then i felt guilty - like,oh i must be ok then,how dare i get everyone worried,sort it out stupid and go back to work. today i feel desperately low again. i am meant to be going to an exhibition at our local art gallery,i love art but am incredulous at the millions of things i will have to do to get from a to b. my body is hurting from the IBS i have from abusing my digestive system with eating disorders for 20yrs. I have had depression on and off since childhood and i am just exhausted from it all. normally i work at a nursery for children and am very good and putting on a front and just dealing but this week have had a bit of a breakdown and am signed off sick

I live with my boyfriend mark and three demanding cats! my boyfriend is wonderful but doesnt understand depression and in a way i am very glad for him. i worry that the day will come when the burden of me is too much. i love to read (mind permitting),write poetry,walk along the seafront,listen to music and numb my depressed braincells with trash tv like x factor,big brother and buffy the vampire slayer (dont knock it,i have been having a back to back marathon of all seven seasons and it has filled up a lot of depression time!) Being British I also highly appreciate a good cup of tea and a biscuit or ten

I am glad i found this site and look forward to getting to know you guys better

Lisa x x x

hi there im not gonna write much today ,im just recovering from a bad ,we,ll you know , when i woke this morning i was greeted by the gales were having in england today ,i love the wind ,and i will stand out in it most of the day ,im 51 i like writing on here ,i dont have freinds in the real world ,i have a wonderful wife ,and to big girls ,but i dont show them the demons i harbour within ,i can offer no easy fix for you ,but you will learn to be strong ,and with the many lessons you will learn from reading posts on here you will be ok ,you are amoung freinds here who will not judge ,write how you feel ,dont be afraid ,read some of my posts i tell it as i feel it no matter how strange it must seem ,so there we go ,from the freinds you dont know yet ,,welcome home ,,xn728

Hey there Lisa! I hope you feel better.... If you can try not to feel guilty about what you said, maybe it might help. You're gonna have good days + not so good days, so try not to beat yourself up too much.

Yesterday was an okay day for me too. I got a lot of stuff done, although I would say not enough, but you know, I'm glad for what I did manage to do.

Today is a whole different thing altogether. I've crashed, but it's okay... It just happens, I guess?

Take care & best wishes to you so you feel better soon. ~Crystal

Thanks very much to both of you for replying. sorry to hear you've hit a low again today too crystal. well i ended up managing to drag myself out to the art gallery in the end (couldnt bother to shower or make myself look vaguely human but hey) I saw some beautiful things,a glowing copper-coloured pool lit from underneath,a hidden secret grotto within the walls,an alice in wonderland world where you sit in huge chairs and read huge writing around you and feel oh so very tiny. feel inspired,still not in the right headspace today but might try to write or make something soon. for now i am just relieved to be in my pyjamas and home and quiet and not have to talk to anyone. I have a stinking cold which is the final insult, sounds pathetic i know but im sure as you all know when you're depressed you just can't cope with anything else. it's getting really quite dark here now (7.05pm uk time) and i am terrified that winter is coming and i have 6 months or so of even worse depression ahead. still get bad even in spring and summer sometimes as well tho so hey. the gales are just starting to hit brighton,hope you enjoyed your day in the wind xn728 although with our IBS we are quite capable of generating our own eh?! sorry,as people will prob soon notice - I do tend to lower the tone!

isnt it strange i love the dark nights ,the summer is to long for me ,the shorter the day the better ,supposed to be less wind tommorow,and quite sunny here in south yorkshire ,and yes i understand about the other wind to ,i love the cold winter days ,rain and frost , xn728

yes,sometimes the summer can just be painful if you're truly depressed,the sun can make me feel really dissociated and trippy when i'm really bad. there can be peace in the dark and the winter,everything is calm and a more appropriate landscape for depression

good night ken,peace to you whatever the weather

Lisa x

Hi. I am new here.
Just read the previous posts in this topic. You two are strong, and give yourselves a pat on the back! =)

I am going through depression too, at the moment. Counselling, antidepressants, and support from friends has been so helpful. There have been good and bad days.

I have a tendency to beat myself up and think negatively of myself. The journey of changing my thoughts is a challenging one, but it is possible.
A few strategies that have been helpful for me:

- Stick to a set bedtime and get enough sleep daily
- 30 mins before bedtime, relax, review your day, write down what you did well, and congratulate yourself, even when you don't feel like you have done well. It may be hard to believe that you are awesome and you have done well, but over time, as you write in your journal and affirm yourself every day, you will begin to believe that you are awesome! =)
- Reward yourself for what you have done well; don't punish yourself for what you have not done well
- Eat well.
- Exercise. 20 min brisk walk, or a 30 min run, or any form of exercise that suits you.
- Hang out with people.
- I am a Christian, and spiritual faith and support has been so helpful. On days when I think I'm useless, I am reminded that the Bible says in Psalm 139, that God created me and He loves me, whether or not I have done well =)
- For some self Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, try http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
It's a great website for CBT exercises, and you can do it at your own pace. It helped me identify my warpy thoughts, taught me some strategies to use. I'm still going through the modules.
- Take it one day at a time, one step at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow. At the end of every day, congratulate yourself for having done your part for that day! Let tomorrow take care of itself =)
- Check out ihadablackdog.blogspot.com This guy - Matthew Johnstone, has had depression too. He calls it his black dog. He has written two helpful books that use pictures to illustrate how it is like to have depression, and how it is like to care for someone who is depressed.

bad days will pass; hang in there! =) You are strong, brave and courageous in battling this.
Take heart, stay on the journey on the path of life. we may not be there yet, but we're getting there, one step at a time! =)

Cheers

dear snowgal, thank you very much for all your advice and taking the time to write all this down. you are very kind and helpful. hope your ideas are continuing to help yourself too

lots of love, lisa x

hi snowgal ,i second what lisa says and welcome you to the forum we are all one here no judges ,not all sufferers find their way here ,but were glad you made it ,i often think about the lost ones ,who never found this island of light ,in the darkness .and are destined to rome lonly forever ,welcome home xn728 Ken

welcome to the forums lisa!!! its nice having you and i look forward to future posts from you!!!

thanks georgie! x

Hi Lisalou - I am so glad to see this post from you. You have left many wonderful comments on my posts and I thank you very much. I look forward to conversing with you on here. Mich.