41-depressed, enough said

ok, maybe not, my therapist hates it when i say things like that, the very short version of me is, I am tired, tired of being me, to scared to be someone else, and to paranoid to just end it. I do not know what i did in my life but I always feel when i walk into a church the holy water will boil.

people say they love me, wife family etc. I never believe them, they love the person I allow them to see, not sure who really is in here but it must be really bad to make me feel the way i do. sorry get on a roll sometimes. back to info.... 41 on second marriage, 2 kids ( one in college) and have joint custody, well do not want to overload you 2 much.....
Dave