Here we go again

[Lux21]

I have been down this road before depression is an old friend. In the past I would just be able to move through it, wouldn't last long or I'd find something that helps get passed that feeling of despair of loneliness but now nothing seems to work. I have a good life an amazing husband, amazing fur babies and a decent job. My support system is the best I could hope for but yet I still feel alone, I still feel like what's the point. I personally could never harm myself but I think about it, I think about if I wasn't here would it make a difference. I mean I barely talk to my friends anymore life is just busy and we are adults with family's but that's no excuse. I am lazy, tired no motivation or energy so I don't make that effort to reach out and when I do we talk then go another few weeks or months without talking or hanging out. Lately it's gotten worse we recently found out we had a miscarriage, financially we are stressed being behind on all bills and our landlord trying to railroad us and evict us. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when everytime you get a glimpse something gets in the way and it's once again dark and you are trekking to that light. They say when u get pushed down to stand back up but it's hard to stand back up when you keep getting pushed down. I haven't been sleeping much this past week, eating or drinking much. This feels different then before and I can't explain why. I wish I was better at communicating my feelings with my husband but I am not good at talking about feelings I am the person who makes sure everyone else is happy and stress-free. I am great at faking it.