Storm Clouds and Downpours
Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2022 10:51 am
Hey everyone.
I'm new here, and I've never sought support like this before.
I had a bit of a break last night, and it scared my wife pretty good... probably much in part due to my inability to describe what I'm experiencing.
Long story short, I feel like I've got a storm cloud that follows me around. It's not always raining, but it's always there... looming.
I'm pretty good (maybe "good" isn't the right word... perhaps "effective" is more accurate) at suppressing negative feelings and emotions... wearing a smile, etc... and that isn't to say my smile is always disingenuous, its just... there's always something else there, hiding.
I am not suicidal. I don't want to die.
I do however feel like, deep inside, ever since I was a young boy, there's been a darkness. When I tried to verbalize this to my wife, I think she understood the "darkness" as being evil... which isn't accurate. The darkness is more like... emptiness. Apathy, sadness, and loneliness. I'm surrounded by love... but when the storm cloud finally breaks open, I can't stay dry.
I'm new here, and I've never sought support like this before.
I had a bit of a break last night, and it scared my wife pretty good... probably much in part due to my inability to describe what I'm experiencing.
Long story short, I feel like I've got a storm cloud that follows me around. It's not always raining, but it's always there... looming.
I'm pretty good (maybe "good" isn't the right word... perhaps "effective" is more accurate) at suppressing negative feelings and emotions... wearing a smile, etc... and that isn't to say my smile is always disingenuous, its just... there's always something else there, hiding.
I am not suicidal. I don't want to die.
I do however feel like, deep inside, ever since I was a young boy, there's been a darkness. When I tried to verbalize this to my wife, I think she understood the "darkness" as being evil... which isn't accurate. The darkness is more like... emptiness. Apathy, sadness, and loneliness. I'm surrounded by love... but when the storm cloud finally breaks open, I can't stay dry.