About me

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Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2022 12:55 pm

About me

Postby gissella » Tue Mar 01, 2022 1:40 pm

I have suffered with depression for at least 10 years. Tried most of the anti-depressants and anxiety pills. Nothing works.

When I was a teenager my father killed himself. It was Easter Sunday. My mother had moved out of the house-she stayed at a motel type place about 5 miles down the road. He shot himself in his car in front of where she was staying.

Anyway, Easter morning, she came rushing in and yelled upstairs to me. "Well, he finally did it." I had no idea what she was talking about but was selfishly wondering why she didn't bring me an Easter basket like she usually did. She saw that I didn't understand, so she just yelled "HE KILLED HIMSELF" At that moment I felt totally unable to deal with it and I just screamed NO over and over. My mother really wasn't in her right mind then, and she instructed my boyfriend, me, my sister and her husband to go clean up the car so it could be sold. My sister and I waited while the guys cleaned the car but we were there and saw everything. It had a big impact on my life.

I was devastated for a short time, but I did get over it.

I am now 64 years old and have had 7 major depressive events. Four of them involve deaths. I can't see myself ever coming back from this. I can't kill myself because two of those deaths were suicides that devastated me- I can't do that to my sister or my son. But living has become a nightmare. I am an alcoholic and try to numb myself as much as possible so I can sleep, but I get up before 4 a.m. every morning wishing I was dead.

Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2022 11:13 pm

Re: About me

Postby Robert_Franq » Sun Apr 24, 2022 11:29 pm

I am so sorry to hear about this traumatic experience in your early years. Seeing that happen to your father can scar anyone for life.
Do you have any hobbies/interests that you enjoy?
For the sleep I recommend melatonin pills - better than alcohol.
Do you get movement in sunlight? Any exercise?

Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Apr 27, 2022 6:36 pm

Re: About me

Postby ayoubalharchal » Thu Apr 28, 2022 1:59 pm

THAT must have been really horrible to live with all that :x :x

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