Feeling old

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Cilo
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 6:40 pm

Feeling old

Postby Cilo » Tue Apr 13, 2021 7:12 pm

Hello,
Today I'm here because I'm feeling old. I am old I suppose. I remember being able to just go out somewhere and being able to meet people and make friends and even get a date or two. Now everything is online and I feel like I'm never going to catch up.

I tried one of those dating sites, but I have to say, I'm worried. I'm not ever going to be a skinny model. I have missing teeth and some health problems. But I shower every day and look nice enough. People describe me as cute, but I feel like they're being nice. I'm sort of plain really, and round. And all I saw on that dating site is all these guys wanting specific things. People that like to hike and be athletic. People that are beautiful and sophisticated. And I think to myself, I'll never be those things. I'm not going to pretend to be someone else.

So I put up my profile on the dating site, but it still feels like when I put up my resume a job site. The recruiters like what they see on paper (or on computer in this case) and set up an interview with me. That's basically as far as it goes. Each recruiter is nice to me, very polite. They ask me all the questions they're supposed to ask. But I can see it in their eyes. I'm not going to get hired. They're not going to call me the next day and tell me that I'm the one for the job.

I kind of feel like maybe that's how the dating site dates will go. I'll get a message because some guy will like what he read about me or my personality or whatever. Then we'll go have a nice socially distanced coffee somewhere and we'll talk and everything will seem fine. But there will be no call asking for a second date. There will be no late night talks on the phone. Nobody will cuddle with me while we watch some movie or talk.

I'm sorry to sound self pitying. I don't know how else to sound. I was with my husband for a long time. Now that he's passed away, I've had time to realize that I don't really have any friends. There was nobody I was close with because my husband was my best friend. Plus there are other factors I have to consider in my life so I just don't see how I'm going to meet anyone let alone make any friends right now. I guess I'm just going to have to live with being lonely now.

Anyway, thanks for reading this. I have a 21 year old daughter and two cats. We live in a city which is nice because we can explore and go for walks. Take care everyone.

CamGirl
Posts: 114
Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2017 2:04 am

Re: Feeling old

Postby CamGirl » Wed Apr 14, 2021 8:20 pm

Hey there! Hope you're doing well. First of all, thank you for sharing your story and I'm sorry for your loss. It might be your worry is from you grieving and that's okay. It's difficult to adjust after you've lived your life with someone.

No, you are not old. Age is just a number. You might feel like you're being judged in that sense but why don't you look at it the other way. You look for someone who's not what you describe. I mean, there are really tons of people who are superficial. They go for looks and all that but once they get to know each other, they start to realize there is no depth. You don't want that, do you?

Just be patient because the right one doesn't come easy, especially now that everybody's so into the perfect shape and all. If you ask me, I don't want that. I want someone I can connect with, someone who fuels my thoughts and passion in life.

Cilo
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 6:40 pm

Re: Feeling old

Postby Cilo » Sun Apr 18, 2021 1:16 pm

CamGirl wrote:You might feel like you're being judged in that sense but why don't you look at it the other way. You look for someone who's not what you describe. I mean, there are really tons of people who are superficial.

You're right. Even I am superficial to some degree. I can try to explain a little more but it's all jumbled up. I married a total of three guys. None of them were the kind of guys I would want to date and yet somehow, I ended up with them. Like I settled for second best because of my own insecurities. I thought they were all great guys. They just didn't work out. The first two marriages ended due to drugs and booze, I got tired of it and got a divorce in both cases. My late husband was also a great guy, but we were not at all attracted to each other after a few brief forays in the bedroom. He wanted a companion. Someone to share his life with and since nobody else was around knocking on my door, I settled for him. The lack of sex was disappointing but not a deal breaker. We were together a long time because we had a lot in common and were friends. Now he's dead and I've got no friends, male or female, that I can talk with.

CamGirl wrote:Just be patient because the right one doesn't come easy, especially now that everybody's so into the perfect shape and all. If you ask me, I don't want that. I want someone I can connect with, someone who fuels my thoughts and passion in life.
Well, being as I'm already 48, if I haven't found them by now, I'm not likely to. Like you, I want someone I can connect with intellectually as well as physically. The problem is, I read their profiles. Probably just overthinking it too much. But thank you for your kind words and advice as well. :)

Today, I am missing my husband.

fummymeasle
Posts: 31
Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2020 5:19 am

Re: Feeling old

Postby fummymeasle » Mon Apr 19, 2021 5:41 am

Hi Clio,

I have a friend who lost her husband of 12 years. She was really down to rock bottom that she thought she's sick, had panic attacks. She even went to doctors thinking there's something wrong with her, but all her tests came out okay. Anyway, she met someone after a year and she somehow felt the need to be with someone because she was so sad. Now, they recently broke up because they both realized they pushed it too soon. She hasn't really moved on and somehow and it seemed like she just wanted someone to replace her late husband. It was messy. Anyway, I just want to say that I think it would be better to savor the moment that you are alone. Think about it. When was the last time you had no one to think about but yourself? Take this time to love yourself, no one but yourself. Find happiness within you, because, in the end, we really have no one but ourselves.

Cilo
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2021 6:40 pm

Re: Feeling old

Postby Cilo » Tue Apr 20, 2021 3:13 pm

Thank you fummymeasle,

I know that you're right. I suppose I don't mind being alone. I do like that I can watch what I want and eat what I want. I can even go out for walks without feeling like I need to explain myself. But I did feel content and safe with him. Now I feel sad and scared about a lot of things.

I'm scared about financial security, which is something my late husband represented to me. Sad when everything comes down to that. But I've got myself and a daughter to support and getting work in the current times is difficult to say the least. I've been looking since January. I'm still looking. I'd be happy flipping burgers. Just something to stabilize us financially would be a huge relief right now. Perhaps my mood will pick up again once I have a job.

There are a lot of other things I'm scared about but the list is just too long. Thank you again for your advice :)

Today, I'm doing okay.


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