My depression keeps on returning

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Thegerbil
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2021 2:17 pm

My depression keeps on returning

Postby Thegerbil » Wed Mar 10, 2021 3:25 pm

It always feels like I'm on a roller coaster. I have my mental ups and downs. Sometimes, I am completely fine and suddenly, I am a depressed and anxious mess. I can't take it. I recently had a breakdown and my parents finally responded to my needs, they said they would help me and that things would get better. They didn't, they still treat me as if i were fine. Iunderstand why, I don't act sick, but they're my parents! Shouldn't they know me better than that? Sometimes, I feel like i am always repeating the same cycle, but in every rendition, my bad habits get worse and worse. I am scared that I will hurt myself more and more as time goes on. I really don't have a solution. Apparently even therapy would place me on a six month waiting list first. Great

CamGirl
Posts: 143
Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2017 2:04 am

Re: My depression keeps on returning

Postby CamGirl » Wed Mar 17, 2021 6:49 am

That waiting part is really a bummer. It's hard to deal with this especially when nobody knows exactly what's happening. I hope you get the help you need soon. It's the best way to manage your depression from what you said.

Brennen_Green20
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Mar 05, 2021 4:51 pm

Re: My depression keeps on returning

Postby Brennen_Green20 » Fri Mar 19, 2021 1:02 pm

I have come to the conclusion that we should stop blaming our parents for their shortcomings and try to help ourselves. Parents are humans too and didn't read a manual on how to be parents. They could have their reasons and fears in neglecting you. or maybe they just plain forgot. I mean they are humans too. I'm not trying to sound like I'm judging you or anything. You could be way younger than me, this is also a pep talk I'm tryna give myself. I Blame my parents for so many things and I wish I didn't. I wish I could cut them some slack.

As far as your mental health is concerned, I am happy that your parents at least listened once. Some people don't even have that luxury. Hope you get into therapy soon. If this year has taught us anything is that we do not have time, as we think we might. Just smile and live a little every day. Best of luck to you man :)

Carol7215
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2021 3:41 am

Re: My depression keeps on returning

Postby Carol7215 » Wed Mar 24, 2021 4:03 am

I have come to the conclusion that the roller coaster is here to stay for me. I used to think I could take an herbal supplement and exercise and eat well instead of taking medication. That didn't work. Then, I gave up and started to take anti-depressants but when I felt a little better - I figured my depression was gone so stopped taking them. That didn't work. Then, I gave up and started taking medication religiously. I figured that would fix it. It must help somewhat because I'm not ALWAYS down a very dark hole. But I still get knocked off my horse --- I have accepted that's the way it is. Now I just want to learn a way to not go so far down the hole when it happens. I sleep, cry, zombie out on tv, and feel guilty because I'm not answering the phone or returning texts or checking the mail or pretty much anything. The other thing I've got to deal with is the fact that friends take it personally so don't have any of them left. And family gives me hell for being selfish when I finally crawl out of the hole. I should have responded to their texts with "I don't want to talk now" or something like that. What don't they get about an immobilizing depressive state? Or I get the "Well, I guess I'm just learning to live with it" as if it's their cross to bear. Ok I'm done ranting ... it's 4am and now I can't sleep. I'm not sure if any of that relates but when I read "roller coaster" I thought - yup, that's me.

koala
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2021 3:47 am

Re: My depression keeps on returning

Postby koala » Wed Mar 24, 2021 4:57 am

heyy. i do relate with your situation. sometimes i can be so happy and grateful, and i can also be very sad, anxious, and wanted to kill myself. it was very hard, don't it? and i survived without my parents knowing what I've been through. well i can't expect anything from them, they're asian and they would say that there's no such a thing. but i know you could survive without your parents help, I didn't mean that you should survive alone. but if your parents didn't do anything and you're sad and like clueless, you have to rely on yourself cause that's what you have. oh wait im being useless here hahaha im sorry if my explanation are bit boring and didn't help at all. im kinda suck at talking and showing what i feel. but one thing for sho, I hope you feel better and your parents will help you asap. but don't get your expectations too high, you have to keep fighting for yourself. love you, cheer up !!

Thegerbil
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2021 2:17 pm

Re: My depression keeps on returning

Postby Thegerbil » Thu Apr 08, 2021 4:22 pm

@koala, yeah, I guess so. What really bothers me is the fact that my parents put a lot of Emphasis on family and it bothers me that they can't help me in this aspect, considering how much they care for the rest of my family and their friends. Maybe it's also my fault, because I don't talk about it enough with my family and I don't want to seem weak to them. Then again, when they do know, they won't adress it. It's really weird, i guess

dq333
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2021 2:33 pm

Re: My depression keeps on returning

Postby dq333 » Mon Apr 12, 2021 3:29 pm

I am suffering the same.

ScorpioMadness007
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2021 8:26 pm
Location: New York

Re: My depression keeps on returning

Postby ScorpioMadness007 » Thu Apr 15, 2021 8:29 pm

I can relate and I feel your pain. Dealing with some of the same things now. Continually going down the black hole of depression and it feels like no one in my family cares- and if they do they don’t show it- or they if so care they don’t care enough to help. It’s been a downward spiral since I was about 11 and I’m 32 now... it never seems to end.

Tealeaves
Posts: 32
Joined: Wed May 05, 2021 3:54 am

Re: My depression keeps on returning

Postby Tealeaves » Mon May 10, 2021 12:55 am

Hello,
I'm not a doctor, but I like to helping

So, I have been commenting on these forum things all day; and I was just about to quit; then I saw yours. I warn you, I tend to be wordy but, I'm also tired; so I will try to keep it short.

I'm going to be blunt, which might be a little confusing.

In my opinion, your mind is using depression; like a defense mechanism. I do not know what it is defending you from; could be a thing; could be organic, something imbalanced in the brain. Lots of people have chemical imbalances; different therapies, different medications; your pick...and etc., etc.,.

Now, the defense mechanism.
So, you're feeling detached. You can't hang with anyone, can't shower, can't fold that basket of clothes; can't do things, that really need to do.

Or do you?
It would be absolutely crazy to say, that you don't need to shower or clean; and all the rest...but if I'm correct, then it's true.

Think of it this way; when a person is confused, scared, or, overwhelmed; they focus only on what they need. Your brain is no different.
Something is not quite right in the clockwork mechanism; so, brain switches to survival mode and focuses on need.
Now, you have been taught, that bathing regularly; is a need.
But...
If you skip a bath; will you stop breathing? How many depressed people have died, because they stopped bathing? Didn't vacuum a floor, didn't fold a basket of laundry...and so on. I don't have any actual numbers; so please don't quote me; but just guessing, it's not many, if any.

So, you see, you don't really need a bath or to vacuum; or anything else. So your brain says, no.

I know it sounds a little crazy, but try it. Next time you are depressed and want to do something but can't; ask yourself; do you need to? You may experience some conflicting feelings in your head; it's okay; it's normal. You're arguing with yourself; and at the same time; it's kind of like you're rebooting your brain, forcefully and a little at a time. The goal is different for everybody but it might be; to finally accept, the silly notion of not needing to do things. Like, all this time, you have repeatedly, been hitting your head against the wall; but now you are re-learning, how to go around.

Now, don't get mad at your brain; it was just using depression symptoms; so it could protect you from getting hurt.
Going out with friends = getting hurt
Cleaning = getting hurt
Bathing= getting hurt
Your brain is convinced; for now; that anything you do; to better yourself; is going to = hurt.
To keep you safe; it doesn't allow change or adventure; it keeps you content in your discontent.

In closing,
I want to apologize, I tend to talk/type too much.
Also, there is more, lol there is always more but I won't bore you any longer. Just remember, anything that makes you feel better; is like climbing a roller coaster ride. But what goes up, must; eventually; come down...which is why your brain won't let you ride a real roller coaster. It doesn't want you to get hurt....weird, right.

Good luck!

CamGirl
Posts: 143
Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2017 2:04 am

Re: My depression keeps on returning

Postby CamGirl » Thu May 13, 2021 6:15 pm

Funny how our brain has a life of its own, truly.

Tealeaves
Posts: 32
Joined: Wed May 05, 2021 3:54 am

Re: My depression keeps on returning

Postby Tealeaves » Sat Jun 12, 2021 9:31 am

Like button :)

CamGirl
Posts: 143
Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2017 2:04 am

Re: My depression keeps on returning

Postby CamGirl » Wed Aug 04, 2021 12:36 am

Hey there! How is everyone? I came across a quote somewhere and it hit me. You can't heal in the same place where got sick. So I guess we have to make changes, maybe a bit extreme but a change of environment, of the people around us.

xpellegrino12
Posts: 9
Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2021 1:13 am

Re: My depression keeps on returning

Postby xpellegrino12 » Tue Aug 10, 2021 3:16 am

Hey, I’m sorry you feel this way, it really sucks but you’re not alone. Depression (In my mind) is like taking an endless ride you never bought a ticket to. No one can truly help because they’re not going to understand how you’re experiencing it. My advice is try making a safety plan if you’re scared of yourself, it helped me. I don’t think there is a solution and I wish there was, but we’re here when you need us, from one stranger to another I hope you find a way to cope with the bumpy ride <3

Carol7215 wrote:I have come to the conclusion that the roller coaster is here to stay for me. I used to think I could take an herbal supplement and exercise and eat well instead of taking medication. That didn't work. Then, I gave up and started to take anti-depressants but when I felt a little better - I figured my depression was gone so stopped taking them. That didn't work. Then, I gave up and started taking medication religiously. I figured that would fix it. It must help somewhat because I'm not ALWAYS down a very dark hole. But I still get knocked off my horse --- I have accepted that's the way it is. Now I just want to learn a way to not go so far down the hole when it happens. I sleep, cry, zombie out on tv, and feel guilty because I'm not answering the phone or returning texts or checking the mail or pretty much anything. The other thing I've got to deal with is the fact that friends take it personally so don't have any of them left. And family gives me hell for being selfish when I finally crawl out of the hole. I should have responded to their texts with "I don't want to talk now" or something like that. What don't they get about an immobilizing depressive state? Or I get the "Well, I guess I'm just learning to live with it" as if it's their cross to bear. Ok I'm done ranting ... it's 4am and now I can't sleep. I'm not sure if any of that relates but when I read "roller coaster" I thought - yup, that's me.


Hey you, I’m so sorry you got into this cycle. It’s hard for not depressed people to understand how consuming it is and it’s not fair, nothing about it is fair, but don’t give up on trying to feel better because you and the people in your life deserve the happy healthy version of you. Don’t feel guilty for your actions you didn’t ask for any of this and it’s so hard doing anything, I’m proud that you come out of your hole at least once in a while. But socialising with friends is so important and the people around you...even when its the last thing you want to do, please talk to them even if they don’t understand let them know what’s going on. From on stranger to another, I hope you find a happy place that lets you stable for a few more moments <3

ScorpioMadness007 wrote:I can relate and I feel your pain. Dealing with some of the same things now. Continually going down the black hole of depression and it feels like no one in my family cares- and if they do they don’t show it- or they if so care they don’t care enough to help. It’s been a downward spiral since I was about 11 and I’m 32 now... it never seems to end.


Hiya, I can’t believe how long you’ve been suffering, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I always say family isn’t given it’s made, I hope you find people who make you feel safe and cared for. I hope it does end, that you find help and peace, that even when you’re in the hole that it feels more like flying than falling. From one stranger to another, continue fighting to feel better because life has more to give. « Depression is being colourblind and constantly being told how colourful the world is » keep trying to find the colour because I care that you do <3


CamGirl wrote:Funny how our brain has a life of its own, truly.


Lmao yes...too true. Had to quote it <3

koala wrote:heyy. i do relate with your situation. sometimes i can be so happy and grateful, and i can also be very sad, anxious, and wanted to kill myself. it was very hard, don't it? and i survived without my parents knowing what I've been through. well i can't expect anything from them, they're asian and they would say that there's no such a thing. but i know you could survive without your parents help, I didn't mean that you should survive alone. but if your parents didn't do anything and you're sad and like clueless, you have to rely on yourself cause that's what you have. oh wait im being useless here hahaha im sorry if my explanation are bit boring and didn't help at all. im kinda suck at talking and showing what i feel. but one thing for sho, I hope you feel better and your parents will help you asap. but don't get your expectations too high, you have to keep fighting for yourself. love you, cheer up !!


Hey you, I’m sorry you don’t have a support system, but there are people out there who believe you and want to help. From one stranger to another, you don’t have to go through this alone <3

marfis
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2021 9:16 am

Re: My depression keeps on returning

Postby marfis » Tue Aug 10, 2021 9:34 am

I have gone through this phase but now I am completely fine, you have to keep yourself steady. Do not blame anyone, because of your own depression, you have to keep yourself stable. you have to get out of all these things one day, do such activities that will keep your mind engaged in it. start meditating

fummymeasle
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2020 5:19 am

Re: My depression keeps on returning

Postby fummymeasle » Wed Aug 11, 2021 8:01 pm

CamGirl wrote:Funny how our brain has a life of its own, truly.


Yes!! And they say it's because it controls everything in us. But really, often times I'm telling myself to do this and that and it just wouldn't listen to me LOL


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