Depression Understood Forums

1:07 am

I'm new here , it's my first time looking for help or so . I have been feeling like crap for most of my life , however i always tried to stay optimistic "be positive and good things will come to you " . Nonetheless , since i moved out from home to university everything has been overwhelming. In fact, my shyness doesn't help with my course (international trading ) . I can't
barely talk in lectures , i have been asking myself "what the h*** i'm doing here ?" I'm not good enough compared to others. I'm trying to but i hate the way i talk , sound or even breath . I hate myself . I've always had severe anxiety , eating disorder and now this "severe" depression took a toll on me . Funny to hear, but i always had toxic relationship with food since 9 , after my trauma things escalated quickly. Although , i had no knowledge of what i was going through or what happened . Until i turned 16 , i started having flashbacks of what happened. I feel disgusted by my body during those times . Because of my ED & PSTD i have been living on coffee for 5 days but started eating yesterday food more like overeating. I learned what was body dysmorphia during this pandemic . I have been tempted to c*t myself , after been clean for almost one year . Indeed , last time i did it was in December 2019 . I did it 2 weeks ago , to take control of something, to feel something , to relieve stress , to feel pain. It helped me study for my test the day after , in which my body didn't wanted to cooperate . I needed a shockwave to get back to live. I haven't slept properly or at all for 3 - 4 weeks . I may use this site as a diary , it feel nice that way .

I really love sasha sloan , i'm listening to her song "older". Music has been my safe place , my chosen reality and home .

Thank you for listening to me venting out ..

Hello there. Welcome to the site. You are always welcome to vent out whenever you want. We are all unique and different from each other. I think you shouldn't compare yourself to others as we are all born with different abilities and think of the current situation as a temporary phase as it is. The people you see now wouldn't be the same people you'll be with 5 years from now. Focus on yourself, on how you'll overcome your hesitations and the limitations you set to yourself. Sometimes we think that it's us against the world, but it's really just us against ourselves.

Tbh , I didn't expect anyone to actually respond to me but thank you for caring , however I won't promise anything but I'll try my best then : ))))

I hope you're feeling better. Try is more than enough. I hope you have a great day, month, and year ahead!

I know how such anxiety feels, I have a similar problem and feel terrible on daily basis, but there is some force I cannot describe that still keeps me going, I wish you will find a similar strength

BryanAA wrote:I know how such anxiety feels, I have a similar problem and feel terrible on daily basis, but there is some force I cannot describe that still keeps me going, I wish you will find a similar strength

Thank you , i hope so .