Depression Understood Forums

Hello all,

I’m 43, and been through just about everything relating to bipolar which I am and generalized anxiety disorder which I unfortunately suffer from. Suicidal thoughts are as normal as a cup of coffee to me but anyone that’s bipolar knows it’s always beneath the surface just waiting to be triggered. That is nothing new nor a major problem as it’s one of many things that’s simply a part of me.

The past 2 1/2 years after coming off an SSRI which helped ruin and completely rewire my brain for the worse, I’m still a mess. Being bipolar and having GAD only makes the coping worse.

After discontinuation withdrawal syndrome which is very real and lasts much longer than so called professionals believe gave me agitated depression full time, I’m a different person from severe post SSRI damage. I quit them for good but the damage is clear yet I endure but I’m getting to the point where enough is enough.

Very few understand people with mental illness usually unless they have it or have seen it all. Many doctors are clueless and just nod and give you meds that make you worse. I’ve been on about all of them and am spent on the lovely cocktails and their wonderful side effects, but I still am on meds just not SSRIs which have destroyed me physically as well as mentally.

I’m trying to find people that “get it” and suffer the darkness and are not amateurs, wishful thinkers and real. It’s rare these days for me but I need to find people that know the darkness is just a part of us, are realistic and know many of us are just simply f#%ked and need real support.

I’m extremely blunt as one likely can tell but a straight shooter nonetheless. Also, if anyone suffers GAD and actually knows we are Charlie Brown on crack, I get it more than anyone. Apologies if there are typos, I do not understand how people type on these dinky things but I do my best regardless.

I'm 25, been diagnosed with Bipolar, Seasonal affect, Dysthymia(low level none treatable depression), and PTSD from childhood traumas.

I connect with your story alot especially after my personal outbursts lately. I just want people to WANT to be here for me but it feels like I guilt people without meaning to.

I may not be the most knowledgeable about what makes my health tick but I have suffered for 16 years now through a plethora of triggers and botched suicides. I know as well as anyone that all we can do is struggle to push forward for us.

Open and honest communication is important for you you and i to do with everyone. We must always be honest and show feelings on question.

Hello. I read through your post. I am 45 years old and am beginning to understand that I will never live life without depression. The traumas that I have experienced have gone without healing and relationship trauma is a common thing for me. I do understand most mental illness and like you, I have experienced different SSRI's and others. Nothing really helped the way I needed it to and talking therapy with a professional never did much for me either. Seems I need extensive treatment but it's simply not available to me. Depression has always been there for me, but lately it's getting worse. I know it's as a result of circumstances in my life and only I can change those things, but I just don't feel like I have the strength to do it again. To make changes that is. All of my relationships are suffering and most of it is because I am suffering inside of my relationship with my guy. I don't have options to seek any kind of therapy at the moment so I am reaching out wherever I can find it. Like you, I feel like I need some people in my life that actually understand mental disorders and the anxiety that comes with them. I do have friends, but their conventional wisdom (ex: "Just give it time, it will be ok.") just doesn't work for me. So, I'm reaching out, I guess. Feeling a sense of desperation to connect with someone. I'm a smart woman, at least I used to think so, but I am suffering inside of my emotions and seeking some support from people that understand. People that I can listen to and that will listen to me. In my opinion, I've gotten better advice from people that have gone through trauma and depression than I have from a "professional".
This is my first post/reply on this board. I want to post my long and drawn out emotions and get to know people, but there's so much to tell and I feel like no one is listening. Going through things like this alone, just makes it harder.

So, yes. I understand the darkness and the heaviness that you live with daily. I'm at a point where I'm having a harder time than ever dealing with it because of circumstances and issues in my life currently. I'm burned out and came across this board and your post. I need to start somewhere, I guess.

Welcome to the community! Excited to be here and looking forward to connecting with everyone Wacky Flip !