New here and need to talk

Introductions and welcomes.

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Whitedove
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2020 2:41 am

New here and need to talk

Postby Whitedove » Wed Aug 19, 2020 3:01 am

Well I not sure where to begin. So I will try to be as shirt as I can about me. My nickname is whitedove and I been battling depression for a long time now. However it has gotten much worse because I have a feasea I love dearly and we were high school sweethearts and he had asked me to marry him when I was 15 but then my mom passed away and we feel apart because I had to move up to Indiana to stay with my older brother. About 4 years ago we ran into each other again and once again he asked me to marry him and I said yes. Our plans are to be wed Feb 14 2021 but he has been getting distant with me and I confronted him thinking he was not in love with me anymore and we got into it and I left Friday evening after a fight. After a day I went to a local swimming hole to get my mind off things and I lost my phone. My family which is only a younger brother and his wife and kids have been nothing but mean to me and used me. I had a farm and 3 mobile homes which I let them stay in for free and only asked them to pay for the electricity which they did not and I could not keep up with the light bill and mortgage payment so I lost my land and they now hate me because I could not pay they bill. I had no one else but bill. Everyone around me had used me and I had no friends and when I lost my phone or someone close to me stole it they decided to send a text to all my contacts saying I had died in a car wreck which got back to bill my soon to be and upset him and he left his house and went to his sister's. He won't answer my calls or texts nor let me explain to him what happened and I feel like just dying because I have no one to talk to. Several years ago I had attempted my life and found comfort in a suicide forum I went to that forum tonight after not having the need to go back and I tried logging in or re registering only to find out I am banned. I really need someone to talk with and they basically cut me off so here I am at this place which probably I get banned here as well and I need a friend not to just be cut off. If this is offending here then forgive me I just need a friend to talk to cause I feel worthless and alone. So I am sorry if this offends someone as all I need is a friend thank you and sorry if this post offends you

Princess Ninja
Posts: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 31, 2020 1:11 pm

Re: New here and need to talk

Postby Princess Ninja » Wed Aug 19, 2020 12:09 pm

I love your nickname. White doves and rock pigeons are my favourite animals. It's really sad getting into a fight after getting back together with your boyfriend. I think you should just don't call or send text messages to your boyfriend for like 30 days. Don't try to explain yourself. Just wait for 30 days. 30 days is ideal time for your ex to start missing you. If he doesn't text you back after 30 days, you have no choice but to move on. I had heartbreaks like that too. I thought I will never recover from that but trust me, you will find someone better. If your relationship has a solid foundation, only one argument can't ruin your relationship.
I'm sorry about what happened between you and your brother. I had toxic people in my life like him. I supported my ex boyfriend enourmously. You would think I'm crazy if I told you how much support I gave him. In return, he ruined every aspect of my life. My life would be amazing without him. I can't even imagine how amazing it would be. But I have to move on. There are narcissistic people like them in this life. Forgive them and forgive yourself, learn your lesson and move on. That's all we can do. Don't stay angry with them. I used to get very angry when I think about what he did to me but it affected my health negatively. So now, I don't focus on past anymore.

Whitedove
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2020 2:41 am

Re: New here and need to talk

Postby Whitedove » Thu Aug 20, 2020 1:33 am

Thank you for the sweet reply princess I chose the whitedove name because of a song I had seen online at a inspirational video online and did so because it was a dove that kind of had a broken wing and the song was which road something not sure if I can post that link to a inspirational video or not cause I don't want to get banned. I spoke with my bf today well actually get yelled at me said he had other plans and not talk to me long. He had needed me to take him to his Dr appointment this Friday but I told I could not. But I will be there to see who he us with because I know in my heart he is cheating on me and that is why he seem so distant from me and at one time if anyone said bad things about me he would stand up and tell them to shut up that I was his GF but not yet don't care what they call me but he still tells me he loves me and still wants to hold my hands when we out in public. I also need to say he was a alcoholic and drank hard liqure at least 4 times a day. Smoked weed and meth and he us having to go to Tennessee heart Dr because he is in heart falior and about 3 weeks ago he had me come take him to the ER because his chest was hurting him badly so I did and they admitted him in because he was in AFib and his heart goes from A-Flutter to AFib and back to A-Flutter. They plan on shocking his heart in 2 weeks to try and get it back into normal rytham or at least the sinus rytham. He has diabetes and he us also had triple bypass a couple years ago but he chose to drink and it was hurting him. The night I took him to the ER the doc has called me and I told them his addition so they were giving him meds and he went off on the nurses and doctors the next day the hospital called to tell me this and said they don't know how he got liqure on his breath but it was because he had taken a backpack to hospital and had the liqure in it so while they were treating him with meds he was drinking but they found it and dumped it out and they had to physically restrain him by tying him to the bed so he could not move. Doc said he was going thru alcohol withdrawel but he don't drink anymore that I know if and he quit smoking which is good but to me it's like he not love me anymore. He gas a hidden phone as I caught him with it but he quickly his it and said it was the TV remote which he did not know was on top of the TV so that was a lie. I love him so much but I have got to know if he is cheating for sure so I am trying to get up 10 dollars for gas money to go there to his appointment maybe park my truck a couple blocks over then walk over and watch and see if he with anyone. Does this make my sound like a crazy woman? I mean I often wonder am I just paranoid and that he loves me and not with someone else. I just need to know. We have plans to marry Feb 14 2021 and I can't be marry him if he is cheating and unfaithful now so I don't know what else to do except make him think I be somewhere else and then show up and wait and see. If he does show up with another girl I will wait till he goes inside then kindly walk up to her and start talking to her you know ask her things like is she waiting on someone and if it her friend or bf and continue talking till he walks out then he will know I caught him I won't say anything to him nor cause a scene I will tell the girl goodbye and walk off so do you think I should do that? Or what would anyone else here recommend I do besides waiting 30 days.


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