Hi...New and spiralling

[Holly_36_07]

Hi,

I am new here but I need somewhere I can talk where I don't annoy people with my "mood". I've had depression for as long as I can remember and self harmed since the age of 12 although the last incident was well over a 18months ago. I am, like many, in a s***ty lockdown and it's just making me feel awful. I feel like I am stuck in Groundhog Day and each day is like wading through treacle. I am so painfully bored and low. I just want to sleep and wake up when all this is over or not wake up at all!

I have a DS6 and a SS15 who is living with us full-time for the first time ever (he normally lives with his BM but she's a nurse and it's too dangerous). I love my DH very much but I am being a cr***y wife at the moment because I am always down, always crying.

I just feel so much pressure at the moment and guilt! Guilt that I have so much more than others yet I can't get my stupid head in the game. I work full time from home, I am also homeschooling the 2 boys and it feels like I am failing at all of it. I am like a zombie just plodding through the painful hours of the day, keeping everyone else fed, schooled, happy, entertained. I just want it all to end.

I am also aware that my "mood" is just dragging everyone down with me. Like a f**king black cloud.

[angelo1936]

i understand how you feel, but you musn't blame yourself, it sounds like you're doing fantastically in the current situation, in that you're still managing to look after everyone else! however, it may be beneficial to find some time for yourself every so often if possible, and just do something you enjoy and truly makes you happy. i have started colouring in my free time lately, and as silly as it sounds, it's extremely calming and gives me a sense of completion and meaning in this crazy situation!
i do hope you feel better,
angelo x

[Prycejosh1987]

Hi,

I am new here but I need somewhere I can talk where I don't annoy people with my "mood". I've had depression for as long as I can remember and self harmed since the age of 12 although the last incident was well over a 18months ago. I am, like many, in a s***ty lockdown and it's just making me feel awful. I feel like I am stuck in Groundhog Day and each day is like wading through treacle. I am so painfully bored and low. I just want to sleep and wake up when all this is over or not wake up at all!

I have a DS6 and a SS15 who is living with us full-time for the first time ever (he normally lives with his BM but she's a nurse and it's too dangerous). I love my DH very much but I am being a cr***y wife at the moment because I am always down, always crying.

I just feel so much pressure at the moment and guilt! Guilt that I have so much more than others yet I can't get my stupid head in the game. I work full time from home, I am also homeschooling the 2 boys and it feels like I am failing at all of it. I am like a zombie just plodding through the painful hours of the day, keeping everyone else fed, schooled, happy, entertained. I just want it all to end.

I am also aware that my "mood" is just dragging everyone down with me. Like a f**king black cloud.

Look at what you do have and develop them. You have children and a good job. Lockdown is starting to cease slowly, but if it takes longer than planned then take advantage of the time you have in "isolation" I find its alot more stressful out of lockdown then in lockdown. You can sleep when you want. You can spend more time with family. There are financial benefits. etc. Look at the good in bad situations. Always.