Why I think I'm sad

[Franksnotok]

I'm pretty sure it started with my first girlfriend at 16 yeah I'm that pathetic. Haha... anyway getting all of the I hate myself and am not sure how I'm still alive besides the MASSIVE amounts of antidepressants/nic/weed. Now that that's out of the way I joined a new school last year and I wanted to reinvent myself because I had basically no friends at my old school. It seemed to work as somone asked ME out a dude. I was overjoyed and genuinely fell head over heels for this person. The first month was probably the best of my life. I'm not sure what happend though. I had my first kiss. My first sort of makeout session. Things were great till they weren't. It all started after we drove around and somewhere in the conversation. I said I couldnt really give a heck about social norms and showed her some typically girly songs I liked. Than things were weird. She wouldn't really talk to me, she wouldn't sit next to me at lunch. Nothing we had good conversations in school I guess. It all came to a head one night when she said she had to tell me something. I told her shoot. And she said she was gay. Honestly it hurt knowing that I still hadn't had a real relationship. I was supportive of it though I stayed with her because my brother had come out and I knew how hard it was. Than she started dating another dude. (She later had sex with one too). This was the moment when I realised the world really didn't care about me and that I didn't want to live in a world where somone could do something like that to me. She also knew that the person I genuinely love most in life is my brother. Which is probably why she decided on that one. Haha I didn't kill myself successfully though I came pretty close a couple times i must admit. But I did get a high dosage of antidepressants and that seemed to help. However I still haven't had a real relationship again and I'm 17 now going on 18. I'm afraid I won't ever find love because of how broken I am inside. I have a pretty good fake facade i must admit. But behind it their is nothing really but a sad little boy who wants love and wants to give love. I also have crazy bad trust issues and have a permanent barrier between anybody I meet now because I never want to be hurt this badly again. I dont know how i can be helped.

[Mousey j]

That is really crappy of her. She obviously wasn't a good person to be with if she chose to use something that personal as a "get out of a relationship free" card. Keep focusing on your personal goals and make sure one is try to love yourself. It is said that no one can truly love you until you do.(let me know how that goes because I'm still trying to get there myself) I made horrible decisions in who to be involved with because all I wanted was to be loved, and it NEVER ended up being healthy. Also, most people I know find relationships when they stop looking. Hang in there- life should start to change things up once you get out of high school.

[Prycejosh1987]

I'm pretty sure it started with my first girlfriend at 16 yeah I'm that pathetic. Haha... anyway getting all of the I hate myself and am not sure how I'm still alive besides the MASSIVE amounts of antidepressants/nic/weed. Now that that's out of the way I joined a new school last year and I wanted to reinvent myself because I had basically no friends at my old school. It seemed to work as somone asked ME out a dude. I was overjoyed and genuinely fell head over heels for this person. The first month was probably the best of my life. I'm not sure what happend though. I had my first kiss. My first sort of makeout session. Things were great till they weren't. It all started after we drove around and somewhere in the conversation. I said I couldnt really give a heck about social norms and showed her some typically girly songs I liked. Than things were weird. She wouldn't really talk to me, she wouldn't sit next to me at lunch. Nothing we had good conversations in school I guess. It all came to a head one night when she said she had to tell me something. I told her shoot. And she said she was gay. Honestly it hurt knowing that I still hadn't had a real relationship. I was supportive of it though I stayed with her because my brother had come out and I knew how hard it was. Than she started dating another dude. (She later had sex with one too). This was the moment when I realised the world really didn't care about me and that I didn't want to live in a world where somone could do something like that to me. She also knew that the person I genuinely love most in life is my brother. Which is probably why she decided on that one. Haha I didn't kill myself successfully though I came pretty close a couple times i must admit. But I did get a high dosage of antidepressants and that seemed to help. However I still haven't had a real relationship again and I'm 17 now going on 18. I'm afraid I won't ever find love because of how broken I am inside. I have a pretty good fake facade i must admit. But behind it their is nothing really but a sad little boy who wants love and wants to give love. I also have crazy bad trust issues and have a permanent barrier between anybody I meet now because I never want to be hurt this badly again. I dont know how i can be helped.

You are still very young, and have alot of time left on this planet (hopefully) You havent experienced everything yet. Things will get better for you over time, but you do need to let your past go to move forward. You love your brother which is excellent. That relationship with your brother can open doors to new friends, new opportunities, He can be a wingman, You can do sports together etc. Depending on how much older or younger he is to you.