Withdrawing from life, and the wife is pissed about it

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ObliviousNerd
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2020 3:19 pm

Withdrawing from life, and the wife is pissed about it

Postby ObliviousNerd » Sun Mar 01, 2020 4:10 pm

Hi mine kinda crept up on me, I've always been pretty quiet. However the last few years, having 2 kids my social circle went from small to 0.
A redundancy went from having a laugh with workmates on shift to a new job where I work alone overthinking for 8hrs a day. I once was optimistic and motivated at work now it's that will do, why even bother applying

My wife says I'm drifting along not engaging with her and the kids, she's right I just drift along occasionally making clumsy gestures to show I care. Feels like the more I try the more I annoy her. Tried a few things to help myself like getting fit, changing habits and trying to be more mindful. Doesn't seem to help long term so I'm gonna make an appointment to see a doctor tommorow, something I've made excuses and delayed for several months now wish me luck

CamGirl
Posts: 114
Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2017 2:04 am

Re: Withdrawing from life, and the wife is pissed about it

Postby CamGirl » Thu Mar 05, 2020 11:48 pm

I salute you for deciding to seek professional advice, good luck to you! :)

Łost Søuł
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2020 8:13 pm
Contact:

Re: Withdrawing from life, and the wife is pissed about it

Postby Łost Søuł » Tue Mar 10, 2020 1:22 pm

Hey man I hope you find your piece. I have also had trouble engaging with others close to me. Sometimes it just feels like work to pretend and do things. The world has become extremely overwhelming and so many small decisions and thoughts we experience in a day. One starts to feel so small. We come to the conclusion that we truly are unimportant. Social interaction may help but only lasts a moment and when one gets too much they resist it. It's natural. In the end "right" and "wrong" are only words we invited for feelings we have. There is no such thing. One just has to find what most makes them feel at piece. I know its hard, hope you're better man

heavyheart38
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Dec 28, 2013 10:58 pm

Re: Withdrawing from life, and the wife is pissed about it

Postby heavyheart38 » Thu Mar 19, 2020 2:29 am

ObliviousNerd wrote:Hi mine kinda crept up on me, I've always been pretty quiet. However the last few years, having 2 kids my social circle went from small to 0.
A redundancy went from having a laugh with workmates on shift to a new job where I work alone overthinking for 8hrs a day. I once was optimistic and motivated at work now it's that will do, why even bother applying

My wife says I'm drifting along not engaging with her and the kids, she's right I just drift along occasionally making clumsy gestures to show I care. Feels like the more I try the more I annoy her. Tried a few things to help myself like getting fit, changing habits and trying to be more mindful. Doesn't seem to help long term so I'm gonna make an appointment to see a doctor tommorow, something I've made excuses and delayed for several months now wish me luck

Please relay your outcome. Our marriage is exactly the same, and am genuinely interested in if I can apply it to my situation. Good luck!

mousemeowkin
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Mar 20, 2020 12:27 pm

Re: Withdrawing from life, and the wife is pissed about it

Postby mousemeowkin » Fri Mar 20, 2020 8:34 pm

Good luck. I can see you're really trying. I hope it works out for you and that your road to getting better isn't too riddled with potholes.

Prycejosh1987
Posts: 416
Joined: Sun May 31, 2020 10:54 am
Location: Birmingham UK

Re: Withdrawing from life, and the wife is pissed about it

Postby Prycejosh1987 » Thu Jun 04, 2020 5:02 pm

ObliviousNerd wrote:Hi mine kinda crept up on me, I've always been pretty quiet. However the last few years, having 2 kids my social circle went from small to 0.
A redundancy went from having a laugh with workmates on shift to a new job where I work alone overthinking for 8hrs a day. I once was optimistic and motivated at work now it's that will do, why even bother applying

My wife says I'm drifting along not engaging with her and the kids, she's right I just drift along occasionally making clumsy gestures to show I care. Feels like the more I try the more I annoy her. Tried a few things to help myself like getting fit, changing habits and trying to be more mindful. Doesn't seem to help long term so I'm gonna make an appointment to see a doctor tommorow, something I've made excuses and delayed for several months now wish me luck

Talk to your wife about the situation. Im sure she will be supportive.

ObliviousNerd
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2020 3:19 pm

Re: Withdrawing from life, and the wife is pissed about it

Postby ObliviousNerd » Sun Oct 11, 2020 4:58 pm

Update i did make a doctors appointment, but it got cancelled due to covid. So I tried to improve things myself i did open up to my wife about it, im not sure she really got it but she appreciated the effort and it definately helped thin
I got furloughed and thats when things changed for me, i was trapped at home with my 2 kids 7 and 5, either i went nuts or learned to deal with the situation. There were plenty of tantrums all round lol, but it did bring me closer to my kids and having fun with them rather than sometimes seeing them as an obligation.
My wife is a nurse and was scared about covid and was under a lot of pressure and stress at work.

I suppose my realisation was that before i felt like i was a non essential meber of the family, an optional extra if you will. But now i was the only 1 who could look after the kids and my wife needed support and help and actually said that, which is huge, shes the type of woman who never admits she needs help ever.

It seems neccesity was the motivator i needed, i was making all sorts with the kids and cooking cleaning etc. It wasnt all smooth sailing. Getting kids to do school work was like pulling teeth and the wife vented her shit at me more than id like.

It was a big shift in attitude for me, i felt useful and wanted like i mattered. Im back at work now and while i dont like it, im coping much better, i talk to my wife more about emotional stuff and generally we are closer though still row occasionally. Im a lot more appreciative of my life and my family.

Things that helped me
1 dont think it say it. Yes it was hard, and we had arguements, totally worth it.
2 ask yourself if worring about it will change the outcome
3 dont compare to others, just try to be better by a tiny amount each week
4 Do nice things for other people, seriously cant recommend it enough
5 accept i will stumble and have shitty days
6 set small acheivable goals, anything from i will wash and shave tommorow to i will work out this much etc
7 fake it. Sounds bad but honestly if you come out positively and chirpy, people react the same to you, and then it stops being fake.

Finally i got quite into stoicism on youtube, about myself being the only thing i can master. Like an ancient self help books lol

I also watched a lot of good guys to great men youtube helped a lot with the wife

I hope i can maintain this, and that those reading find a little hope knowing a lonely nerd managed to get his shit together and remembered how to smile. Good luck


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