Hello, Here Goes Nothing.
Posted: Sun Nov 24, 2019 11:14 pm
Dear Forum Folks,
It's nice to meet you, although I wish it were under different circumstances. I've been struggling to cope with my depression for about a decade now. In that time I've seen many professionals, tried various medications, learned a handful of coping skills, and have seen mixed results. People are constantly telling me that, "It will get better." They said high school would be better than middle school--they were wrong. They said college would be better than high school--they were half right, half wrong. They said law school would be better than college--they were very, very wrong. Now they tell me that the real world will be better than law school. I guess I'm having trouble believing them.
In my experience, it never really gets better. For every single good day there are 50 bad days, and while that is better than only having bad days, it isn't objectively "better" than before either. For context, my life has changed dramatically in the past few months. I went from living in my favorite city on Earth, studying subjects that I really, genuinely cared about, surrounded by an imperfect, but haphazardly effective support system, with a therapist who really seemed to get me. I won't pretend I was happy all of the time. I was in debt, stressed out, and crumbling under the weight of my impending adulthood. But at least I was on my way to doing what I wanted to do with my life.
Then, I graduated college. My friends all got super cool jobs, moved far, far away, and are now too busy to call me back. I applied to law school on a whim, because no one would hire me to do what I actually wanted to do, and wound up with a full ride to a small school in east nowhere. I'm not even sure I want to be a lawyer, but I didn't really have a choice. Since starting law school, I've become extremely depressed. I miss my old life, as imperfect and impractical as it was. I miss my people so bad I can't stop crying, but they're not in any position to comfort me and I know that my negativity would only upset them. Plus, it's not exactly easy to admit when you're the only one apparently floundering. When you're the one having trouble letting go.
My parents are furious that I don't fully appreciate this opportunity, and are fed up with listening to me cry over the phone. I'm scared that I'll never get back to being the person I was. That I'll never have the life I really want, and that I've ruined everything. I think about quitting law school everyday, but I don't know where I'd go or what I'd do. I feel hopeless and mentally exhausted. I just want to go home, but home doesn't exist anymore. Everyone's moved on. The other students here are very nice, but law school is their entire universe. They eat, sleep, and breathe law. When they aren't at school, they're studying or talking about school. And that's just not who I am. It's not that I don't care about school, I do care, I just feel like there needs to be more to life than grades and law school. Thanks.
It's nice to meet you, although I wish it were under different circumstances. I've been struggling to cope with my depression for about a decade now. In that time I've seen many professionals, tried various medications, learned a handful of coping skills, and have seen mixed results. People are constantly telling me that, "It will get better." They said high school would be better than middle school--they were wrong. They said college would be better than high school--they were half right, half wrong. They said law school would be better than college--they were very, very wrong. Now they tell me that the real world will be better than law school. I guess I'm having trouble believing them.
In my experience, it never really gets better. For every single good day there are 50 bad days, and while that is better than only having bad days, it isn't objectively "better" than before either. For context, my life has changed dramatically in the past few months. I went from living in my favorite city on Earth, studying subjects that I really, genuinely cared about, surrounded by an imperfect, but haphazardly effective support system, with a therapist who really seemed to get me. I won't pretend I was happy all of the time. I was in debt, stressed out, and crumbling under the weight of my impending adulthood. But at least I was on my way to doing what I wanted to do with my life.
Then, I graduated college. My friends all got super cool jobs, moved far, far away, and are now too busy to call me back. I applied to law school on a whim, because no one would hire me to do what I actually wanted to do, and wound up with a full ride to a small school in east nowhere. I'm not even sure I want to be a lawyer, but I didn't really have a choice. Since starting law school, I've become extremely depressed. I miss my old life, as imperfect and impractical as it was. I miss my people so bad I can't stop crying, but they're not in any position to comfort me and I know that my negativity would only upset them. Plus, it's not exactly easy to admit when you're the only one apparently floundering. When you're the one having trouble letting go.
My parents are furious that I don't fully appreciate this opportunity, and are fed up with listening to me cry over the phone. I'm scared that I'll never get back to being the person I was. That I'll never have the life I really want, and that I've ruined everything. I think about quitting law school everyday, but I don't know where I'd go or what I'd do. I feel hopeless and mentally exhausted. I just want to go home, but home doesn't exist anymore. Everyone's moved on. The other students here are very nice, but law school is their entire universe. They eat, sleep, and breathe law. When they aren't at school, they're studying or talking about school. And that's just not who I am. It's not that I don't care about school, I do care, I just feel like there needs to be more to life than grades and law school. Thanks.