Page 1 of 1
Posted: Fri Nov 22, 2019 2:26 pm
I recently signed up because the depression I would use, I guess, is not running due to lack of volunteers.
An intro to myself. I am 35 years old and still single. It sounds pretty pathetic, that still I live with my parents. A millennial who still does not have the financial means to live alone. Much harder while living in a city that is and has gone much gentrification.
I am sad and alone, and have been struggling with that. I think for a long period of my life I struggle connecting with people. Such friendships I encountered, come and go. Lengths of times varies. I feel something is wrong with me, perhaps I lack the attention of social communication. I often turn to online sources just to ask anything.
I have this notion I do not belong anywhere. I tried online community in gaming, but it felt too toxic, and I had my heart broken. So, now I feel very guarded and have this sense of not trusting people.
The only thing positive in my life is I try to go out, and I work in a better job than before. I have seen in my old job, people coming from different backgrounds, some far worst off anyone can imagine. That company was in a bed bug infested building.
Posted: Sun Nov 24, 2019 8:04 am
Why do you think it’s “pathetic” that you are living in your family home at 35 years old? In some cultures and families, living in the family home is common and totally acceptable.
Living at the family home might actually be a smart arrangement, especially in these times when the cost of living is so high. What is family for, right? Family is good for resource sharing and helping each other thrive in life… sadly, most of us are not born into a strong connected family that have these values.
Could you imagine how much more enjoyable and less stressful life would be if "civilized" families were more community-focused like that of Indigenous family structures?
Loneliness actually seems to be very common. It could be that you need to work on your interpersonal skills, but it may also be that you just haven’t met the right people to form lasting friendships.
Let’s face it, we live in a world dominated by sin and corruption. In 2 Timothy 3:2 it says: “For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal”. So is it any wonder people form toxic relationships with each other? Finding good associations is vital, but can be a challenge in this world.
I relate when you say, “I have this notion I do not belong anywhere”. I lived with this feeling ever since I could remember.
It felt like the world around me was the complete opposite of how I am. I always fantastized, and watched many documentaries and movies, about indigenous tribes.
I was drawn to much of the lifestyle of (some) indigenous tribes, mostly to the living and lifestyle arrangements of simplicity, hunter and gathering, community-based living, sharing, spending time together, working together, teaching each other and passing down of skills, modest homes built with natural resources, etc. I loved the idea of such a simple, healthy, and less stressful lifestyle.
I felt like I would be better suited to finding like-minded people living in community-based living arrangements closer to the indigenous way of life, but also heavily incorporating agriculture practices. I still do and always will because it is just the lifestyle I like. After all, you can't eat money nor take it with you to the grave nor use it in the next world under Jehovah God's arrangement.
When I read the Bible and turned to God, I finally understood exactly why I never felt like I belonged. It all makes sense now!
Keep looking, you will eventually discover your own sense of belonging, just as I did.
So why do you feel like you don’t belong anywhere? If you can identify why you don’t belong, then you may have a better idea of where to look.
Posted: Mon Nov 25, 2019 1:31 am
Thank you for your kind words, Spleefy.
It's true that for financial reasons, staying with my family would be the best conservative options. Staying with my family comes at the cost of giving up individual freedom. Freedom that includes privacy. I live in a household when your mom is a control freak and wants things done her way, and now. Totalitarianism, do this or else is instilled in the household. Even more depressive, they have an age check list of where I suppose to have met. Middle Management in a business. Nope, now where close. I do contribute to my share of rent. I see where I live is the place to sleep. I feel limited of what i can do.
I wish I can see the positive of things like you can, but it is hard for me when i feel depressed. I think negativity just runs in the family.
In regards to finding where I belong, the only closest thing I can think of is the class i go to every Saturday. I made some friends there. really that time and usually that days when I associate with people. the other is work... that is rather given. On a bright side, The positive environment allows me to improve in how to deal with people.
You may well be right. I do lack interpersonal skills. Long lasting friendships are characters who will last in a few chapters in a time period of my life, and then they are gone. Rifts happens in friendships. I feel when I pour too much about myself , people leave. When i associate with people i prefer with less people, not in a crowd. I honestly do no have a confidant of a friend , who i can closely talk to. I know most people have already established core friendships. If I could, perhaps to alleviate such loneliness is to have a pet dog or cat for companionship but that would be a problem.
So thus why I feel pathetic and have this sense lack of belonging.
Posted: Thu Nov 28, 2019 8:52 pm
Yeah, it’s so hard to be happy and have peace in our lives when our environment contradicts it. I truly do hope that, one day, you will find a way to improve your environment and family situation.
Re: having a positive mental attitude…
It is easier to be positive when things are going well in our lives. But I do it because I don’t like to feel miserable. I am also vulnerable to depression, so I have to make that extra effort than the average person who is not predisposed to depression to keep mentally strong and positive in my life. Essentially, I do it for my own survival.
But of course it is exceedingly hard to do this when you live in a toxic environment AND battling depression at the same time. It is understandable why you are struggling at the moment—I think anybody in their right mind, living under the same conditions you are, would be unhappy.
It is important that we have some sense of control of our own lives AND living spaces, which you lack at the moment. I have been in that position myself and it crushes your spirit. One of the most liberating and joyous things in life is autonomy of our own lives.
In my situation, it got to the point where I couldn’t even be myself or express my true self. Living in your type of situation, in my experience, makes you lose your own identity—your sense of self—bit by bit.
A part of you continuously chips away each day you are in that environment. The worst part is, it starts off subtle, and you don’t even realize it until you have become a different person to who you truly are or inspire to be.
You get to the point where you don’t even know who you are anymore. You are just this physical entity—a body—walking around aimlessly with no identity, no personality. This is just from the living situation, but depression itself was doing this to me AS WELL. This was just a small part of how it affected me in my own experience.
So I really do feel for you, friend.
Re: friendships and connections…
I know… I know!
It is something I’ve experienced my entire life. Friendships/relationships these days are analogous to modern products… disposable. Not made to last. Not high quality, but made in China using cheap materials and assembled via cutting corners. When it breaks, there is no point fixing it, but just replace it with a new one!
Oh, if only you were in a position to get a dog. Getting my puppy has been incredibly life changing for me. Dog truly is man’s best friend: unconditional love, loyalty, companionship, devotion… I would be empty and lost without my four-legged mate! He has added value to my life beyond what I ever imagined.
Don’t give up hope. One day your situation will improve, even though it may not feel that way right now. I have been there myself for many, MANY years. I’ve spent more years of my life in complete darkness than I haven’t. Can you believe that? I’ve spent more of my adult years in a state of depression than I haven’t. My childhood is not something I look back on with fond memories, but rather something I would rather forget. Certainly not a life that I imagined for myself.
So, essentially, I’m like a child again, just restarting out in life, teaching myself all the things my parents should have taught me. Giving myself all the love and nurture I should have received growing up. Life has just started for me—although, I’m still rebuilding and picking up the pieces of my life because depression did destroy a lot of me that I need to find and reassemble again. It is a new journey in my life—an adventure. A fresh start!
The point is… life is extremely dynamic and ever-changing. I had these big dreams and plans when I was in high school. My life today is very different to how I originally planned or imagined it to be. And yours will be too!