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Sparta
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jul 26, 2019 11:20 am

Hi

Postby Sparta » Fri Jul 26, 2019 11:49 am

I don't know what happened to my other post maybe I didn't do something right sure. I'm 40 years old, have a good job, have a good family. Don't love my wife don't love myself don't love anything. Was molested when I was a child and beat by my drunkenstepfather on a regular basis. Took every medication that they make, talk to therapist, spent time in a mental hospital. Everybody thinks I'm fine but I'm not. I just want to die. This is the lowest I've gotten in a long time. Oh yeah constantly jeopardize every friendship I have. Have sex outside of my marriage on a regular basis. I don't know why and I know it's wrong. So sick of this don't want to do it anymore

Spleefy
Posts: 240
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: Hi

Postby Spleefy » Sat Jul 27, 2019 10:03 am

Hi Sparta,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your feelings with us.

I am sorry that you have been through something that no person should ever endure. Painful experiences can have a lasting impact.

Despite the trauma of your upbringing, you have done really well. You have a good job, a wife and family. Is this your own family or immediate family?

It is hard enough to function in this system of things without trauma inhibiting us, and you have coped the best you could. You have also taken positive steps in dealing with your painful experiences that I'm sure still haunt you to this day.

My heart rejoices that you have a wife. You see, I’ve always wanted a wife—someone I can love, protect, confide in, and share my life with through both the good and bad times.

Marriage is a sacred and special union between a man and a woman. A scripture that I really like is in Matthew 19:6…

“so that they are no longer two, but one flesh”.

I love the thought of this. What a gift and an unbreakable bond between a man and a woman, don’t you think?

Perhaps, one day, I will have a wife and family of my own. It always warms my heart to think about becoming “one flesh” with that special woman to whom I can give my exclusive love and devotion.

In light of your marital situation, I am terribly sorry to hear that the love is no longer there for your wife. Have you shared your feelings with her?

I’m sure you will find a way to rekindle your love for her. Perhaps it is something that you can make a goal and work towards?

I'm not sure of the circumstances between you and your wife, but rather than seeking solace from outside, what if you leaned on her instead of pulling away from her? Never underestimate a woman’s strength to endure and love for their husband. This may, in turn, help to rebuild that love you once shared.

As only a suggestion, perhaps making your marriage a priority, rebuilding the love, trust and bond that yoked you both together in the first place will lift your spirits and put your life back into a positive direction.

You said you also have a good job and a good family. I find that, when I'm enduring some painful issues, focusing on the good aspects of my life refreshes me. It might do the same for you.

Keep safe, my friend.

Sparta
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jul 26, 2019 11:20 am

Re: Hi

Postby Sparta » Sun Jul 28, 2019 9:03 am

Thank you for your response. Means alot to me a stranger would be so kind. I was doing good for a while and someone in my past reached out to me. Got all these emotions stired up again. A woman from my past a old friend just out of nowhere, tells me she loves me. Ive always liked her maybe more physical than anything else. Haven't done anything with her but has me tore up.

I start thinking I want to leave my family because I miss the excitement. Which in turn makes me feel like a pos. So what does my brain think a good solution is? To die.

I know it might be a silly thing to trigger me but I'm so full of anxiety I cant sleep, cant eat and an just so miserable.

Therapist told me that my brain equates sex with love. She said that since me and wife dont have sex often I take it as she doesnt love me. The reason I seek it out side my marriage. She said thats a normal thing for someone like me, with what happened in my youth, deal with.

they won't give me any medicine that will really calm me down. Last time they gave me a 3 month supply of clonipin. 90 pills. I took them all in one night with a bottle of vodka. Woke up in a hospital with my stomach pumped.

I know I drive eceryone in my life insane. Just want to snap out of it.

Prycejosh1987
Posts: 424
Joined: Sun May 31, 2020 10:54 am
Location: Birmingham UK

Re: Hi

Postby Prycejosh1987 » Sat Jun 06, 2020 12:11 pm

Sparta wrote:I don't know what happened to my other post maybe I didn't do something right sure. I'm 40 years old, have a good job, have a good family. Don't love my wife don't love myself don't love anything. Was molested when I was a child and beat by my drunkenstepfather on a regular basis. Took every medication that they make, talk to therapist, spent time in a mental hospital. Everybody thinks I'm fine but I'm not. I just want to die. This is the lowest I've gotten in a long time. Oh yeah constantly jeopardize every friendship I have. Have sex outside of my marriage on a regular basis. I don't know why and I know it's wrong. So sick of this don't want to do it anymore

Because of your past you are not trusting in what you have. Remember not all people are the same. Let your past go and move forward.


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