Another new depressed person who talks too much.
Posted: Sat Mar 02, 2019 11:02 pm
I've had depression most of my life. My way of coping for it was to leave London and get out into the world. I did that in a fairly unconventional way. I ended up in a 3rd world country in the middle of Asia. For a long time, that was all fine. I met a girl, we got together and were pretty happy. I got a job teaching, I never fancied doing it but it was fairly easy to get into so I went along with it. It turned out I really enjoyed it, and I'm good at it. I'm now teaching high-school and I'm still happy doing it.
She got pregnant, even though we were using precautions. I never wanted kids but I said we'd keep it if she wanted to. I told her things would change if we had a child and she accepted that.
She changed, she became a thoroughly horrible person, she became dumber, made stupid mistakes, lied and began to steal money. We invested in land, in the hope of building a future for my son.
In the end, we split up, I had no choice but to throw her out. We were thrown out of our home after she had not paid the rent with the money I gave her, money collectors were coming to the house and things were getting nasty.
She then became very sick, her friends dropped her at mine and she was halfway dead. She could barely move and told me she was taking drugs. Hearing that broke me, I'm not going to lie.
We got through the next few days, somehow. By then, there was no money whatsoever. We'd paid off the land and were waiting to cash it in, work hadn't paid me properly in 6 months and she'd taken everything I had. Going to a doctor was out of the question. The doctors here are useless anyway, they're not competent, or even qualified.
This went on, she just got sicker and sicker. When she recovered, she told me she'd never been on drugs. A blood test confirmed that she hadn't, it was a hallucination from the fever.
During this time, she had moved away and was living with her parents. I wasn't seeing much of my son, and that was killing me. But we had no choice, there was no baby-sitting option in the city and no money to pay for it.
Eventually, she started to fall apart. She wanted to die, and had become suicidal from the pain of the sickness. She had seen countless doctors and been in hospital many times and had been diagnosed with half a dozen different things.
I had no choice but to just do it myself. I paid for a proper blood-screening and went to Google and learned how to read the results. I diagnosed her with Graves disease, a thyroid condition that is sometimes triggered by pregnancy. I confirmed my findings with a friend of mine who's a qualified Australian paramedic and a surgeon abroad. I sourced the proper anti-thyroid drugs and got them to her.
She is responding well, and is making a good recovery. She's now back working full time. The condition upsets the function of her brain, and is responsible for her weird behaviour. That just makes it worse, there's been too much damage to go back and the future is very uncertain. But now I have the added pressure that maybe she was just sick, and all this wasn't just her being a terrible person!
We found out the land we'd invested in was stolen. It was a chinese company that ran out with the money, so we lost thousands on that. I've been broke for several years. For a time, I wasn't even eating, although my son never went without a thing.
I had to go full time at work and I'm now getting my finances under control but it's an uphill struggle.
This country is not a good place. The people are not likeable at all. As a consequence, people don't stay here very long. Most of the friends I've got have left and I'm struggling to meet new people. I only really hang out with one guy now, and he's not someone I respect, I'm just making the best of things. We have two new teachers, a married couple with decades of experience each. They're thoroughly good people but quit and will leave in two weeks. The situation here is hard and they didn't want to stay. He said to me that I was the strongest and most mentally resilient person he'd ever met. I just laughed.
It's hard to meet women here. I've met two I liked, but both were leaving the next morning. I dated two others, one just left me feeling awkward, I could tell she was a little lost girl looking for someone to take care of her. The other was a local, she seemed nice but it didn't go anywhere. Frankly, she also had mental health issues.
Online dating isn't really an option here. I've matched with plenty of woman, but they're almost always prostitutes, and one (a ladyboy) sent me a price-list as a conversation opener.
I don't take medication. I exercise daily to help cope and I'm usually fine when I'm working. At work I'm surrounded by people I get on well with. I don't socialise with them, they have made personal choices that aren't in line with my own. I absolutely don't judge them, but I don't want to walk that path.
I'm a writer but I can't write at the moment. I've noticed lately that things are getting harder, my thoughts are more sluggish and I'm making mistakes. I drink too much, it's always been a vice of mine. To put that in perspective, I had a total of 6 beers and a bottle of wine last week, so I'm not in any danger of alcoholism. A bigger vice is coffee, but I've cut that down to one a day and I'm sleeping better.
But I'm trapped, because of my son. I'm stuck surrounded by people I don't like, or respect. My son's future is very uncertain, my own even more so.
My parents are alive, but have no interest. They don't even care about meeting their only grandson.
I'm getting worse. During the week, I'm fine. I'm busy, I'm active and there's always something to do. It gets bad at weekends, that's when I feel isolated and alone. For the last two weeks, she was meant to bring my son into town, but didn't. This was a constant problem before. We tried to have her come here one week, me go there the next. That hasn't worked well.
I miss my son. That is tearing me apart. It's not me I feel sorry for, I just know how damaging it's being for him and it kills me to know he's missing me and there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm slowly taking control of all this. My books are getting published by a speciality publisher and I'm starting an online publisher of my own with some friends. But the day to day emptiness of life here is grinding me down.
There's nobody to talk to... It's as simple as that.
The depression has been flaring dramatically and I know I'm getting worse.
She got pregnant, even though we were using precautions. I never wanted kids but I said we'd keep it if she wanted to. I told her things would change if we had a child and she accepted that.
She changed, she became a thoroughly horrible person, she became dumber, made stupid mistakes, lied and began to steal money. We invested in land, in the hope of building a future for my son.
In the end, we split up, I had no choice but to throw her out. We were thrown out of our home after she had not paid the rent with the money I gave her, money collectors were coming to the house and things were getting nasty.
She then became very sick, her friends dropped her at mine and she was halfway dead. She could barely move and told me she was taking drugs. Hearing that broke me, I'm not going to lie.
We got through the next few days, somehow. By then, there was no money whatsoever. We'd paid off the land and were waiting to cash it in, work hadn't paid me properly in 6 months and she'd taken everything I had. Going to a doctor was out of the question. The doctors here are useless anyway, they're not competent, or even qualified.
This went on, she just got sicker and sicker. When she recovered, she told me she'd never been on drugs. A blood test confirmed that she hadn't, it was a hallucination from the fever.
During this time, she had moved away and was living with her parents. I wasn't seeing much of my son, and that was killing me. But we had no choice, there was no baby-sitting option in the city and no money to pay for it.
Eventually, she started to fall apart. She wanted to die, and had become suicidal from the pain of the sickness. She had seen countless doctors and been in hospital many times and had been diagnosed with half a dozen different things.
I had no choice but to just do it myself. I paid for a proper blood-screening and went to Google and learned how to read the results. I diagnosed her with Graves disease, a thyroid condition that is sometimes triggered by pregnancy. I confirmed my findings with a friend of mine who's a qualified Australian paramedic and a surgeon abroad. I sourced the proper anti-thyroid drugs and got them to her.
She is responding well, and is making a good recovery. She's now back working full time. The condition upsets the function of her brain, and is responsible for her weird behaviour. That just makes it worse, there's been too much damage to go back and the future is very uncertain. But now I have the added pressure that maybe she was just sick, and all this wasn't just her being a terrible person!
We found out the land we'd invested in was stolen. It was a chinese company that ran out with the money, so we lost thousands on that. I've been broke for several years. For a time, I wasn't even eating, although my son never went without a thing.
I had to go full time at work and I'm now getting my finances under control but it's an uphill struggle.
This country is not a good place. The people are not likeable at all. As a consequence, people don't stay here very long. Most of the friends I've got have left and I'm struggling to meet new people. I only really hang out with one guy now, and he's not someone I respect, I'm just making the best of things. We have two new teachers, a married couple with decades of experience each. They're thoroughly good people but quit and will leave in two weeks. The situation here is hard and they didn't want to stay. He said to me that I was the strongest and most mentally resilient person he'd ever met. I just laughed.
It's hard to meet women here. I've met two I liked, but both were leaving the next morning. I dated two others, one just left me feeling awkward, I could tell she was a little lost girl looking for someone to take care of her. The other was a local, she seemed nice but it didn't go anywhere. Frankly, she also had mental health issues.
Online dating isn't really an option here. I've matched with plenty of woman, but they're almost always prostitutes, and one (a ladyboy) sent me a price-list as a conversation opener.
I don't take medication. I exercise daily to help cope and I'm usually fine when I'm working. At work I'm surrounded by people I get on well with. I don't socialise with them, they have made personal choices that aren't in line with my own. I absolutely don't judge them, but I don't want to walk that path.
I'm a writer but I can't write at the moment. I've noticed lately that things are getting harder, my thoughts are more sluggish and I'm making mistakes. I drink too much, it's always been a vice of mine. To put that in perspective, I had a total of 6 beers and a bottle of wine last week, so I'm not in any danger of alcoholism. A bigger vice is coffee, but I've cut that down to one a day and I'm sleeping better.
But I'm trapped, because of my son. I'm stuck surrounded by people I don't like, or respect. My son's future is very uncertain, my own even more so.
My parents are alive, but have no interest. They don't even care about meeting their only grandson.
I'm getting worse. During the week, I'm fine. I'm busy, I'm active and there's always something to do. It gets bad at weekends, that's when I feel isolated and alone. For the last two weeks, she was meant to bring my son into town, but didn't. This was a constant problem before. We tried to have her come here one week, me go there the next. That hasn't worked well.
I miss my son. That is tearing me apart. It's not me I feel sorry for, I just know how damaging it's being for him and it kills me to know he's missing me and there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm slowly taking control of all this. My books are getting published by a speciality publisher and I'm starting an online publisher of my own with some friends. But the day to day emptiness of life here is grinding me down.
There's nobody to talk to... It's as simple as that.
The depression has been flaring dramatically and I know I'm getting worse.