Can't believe so many people feel the same as me..

[stevenirishlad]

Hey all...I cant actually believe there are so many others like me...I actually thought me waking up in the morning not wanting to move, not wanting to socialise, negative thinking, easily stressed, pains in my head from stress, drinking excessively to feel some relief but just waking up feeling double the misery and not being able to fake a smile or a laugh was all just me being a complete f*** up & disaster.
This is my 1st time actually revealing myself to any1 as I don't have any friends and more than likely Im just hated for my miserable looking head and negativity, which is not actually me but Depression does have a Lock on me.
I do hope I get to make some friends on this site, any1 wants to chat at work or wherever....

[email protected]

Stephen
Age 22 (but haven't lived a day of it over this disease)

[aim]

Hi Stevenirishlad! So sorry for the late response to your post - have been ill and then busy busy! So sorry you're feeling so blue. What do you think triggers your depression the most? And yes... there are plenty of people out there who can relate to how you are feeling; you are NOT alone in this!

Please do try the chat connected with the forums. Lots of nice people to talk to that will understand your feelings...

Hope to hear back from you soon, steven! Are you from Ireland?

[stevenirishlad]

Hey Amy

I wouldn't know where to start really, I had bit of a shit time really growing up, was bullied in school and stuff found out I was adopted at 15 which didn't really help, although it was a bit of a relief knowing that I was someone other than the family I was with ya know? Nothing absolutely terrible happened with me up to now really but it's the feelings which I tried to block out at the time are hitting me now...and affecting the way I think Aswell...thats what I think is wrong with me anyway...it's finding a way of dealing with it is the problem...

So...wanna tlk a bit about you?
Btw...I am a total Paddy lol : )

Stephen

[aim]

Hi again, Steven! Jeez. Finding out at the age of 15 that you are adopted must have been traumatic for you, huh? I want you to know that although I was not adopted, it's my job! I work as an adoption specialist for the state, so if you need any advice regarding that, I'd be glad to help however I could.

Have you ever sought therapy, Steven? I'm a big believer in therapy for children of adoption. How was your adoptive family? How did you find out that you were adopted? Please do share if you'd like to, Steven. I'd like to try and help if I can.

Let's see...me. Well, I'm 32 yrs old and live in New Jersey, United States. My ancestry goes back to Ireland and Germany, but I am third generation all-American! I live with my dog, Dakota, and am finally, after a very bad long-term relationship, happily in love with a wonderful man, who makes my life worth living.

I had a nervous breakdown about 11 years ago, due largely to health anxiety; this led to a pretty serious bout of clinical depression and agoraphobia (couldn't leave the house). I was able to get out of it with professional and personal help, and now, my issues are generalized anxiety disorder and rather serious health anxiety. I began taking the medication Paxil about 8 or 9 months ago, and, although I get the jitters sometimes, it's been a great help to me; have been able to put things in perspective much easier now, and haven't had an anxiety attack in close to 6 months...keep your fingers crossed for me.

So, please do tell me more, Steven! How old are you? What do you like to do?

[stevenirishlad]

Wow that was a quick reply, it was actually my stepdads sister in England who told me...and to be honest I really don't think I would have been told only for her, apparently anytime any1 mentioned it to Yvonee to tell me (Yvonnes the woman who adopted me), she would change the subject. I was actually happy in a way when I was told but it just confirmed how insecure I was as a child, there was always a gap. I always felt the gap but the fact that I looked like Yvonne cancelled out any thoughts of adoption from my mind.
It was horrible though, like Yvonnes mother June, I was the number 1 Grandchild and still am, I cant help feeling living a lie when I do speak to her though, like the whole time up to the point of being told I was adopted was a lie.
Anyway, about me now, Im 22, Irish and have a 2yr old daughter-Breanna(shes really cute-totally from my side!), not in a relationship with her mother though(never actually was).

About you, you sound like your making your way out of the black clouds? I know what you man about the paranoia and agrophobia, my belief is that can be dealt with easily but manic depression needs to go first...you need to pinpoint whatever, no matter how little it was that happened to upset you no matter how long ago.
Has anything happened to you?
Tlk soon x
Stephen

[aim]

Hi again, Stephen.

It really sounds like your adoptive family has a lot of love for you. Often, the reason that adoptive parents don't tell the children that they are adopted, is because they DON'T want them to feel different, because, from my experience, these parents love their adopted children as much as any biological parent does. And there are other times, where adoptive parents don't tell because they don't want their child to love them any less.

I think adoption is a beautiful thing, Stephen. There are so many people out there who cannot have a biological child and only want to love and parent a child so they turn to adoption. Also, speaking to you as a woman, I would love any child that I raised, Stephen. And knowing my mother as I do, I would gamble to say that she would love any child that was brought into the family as well; which would explain your grandmother's feelings for you.

I'm actually pretty good right now, Stephen. Love my man, my job and my dog...

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( stevenirishlad ))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you for posting. Just sending a hug your way, letting you know your post is being read.

Take care

Warmie