dead inside.

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someone.
Posts: 18
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2019 11:47 am

dead inside.

Postby someone. » Wed Jan 23, 2019 12:23 pm

I am new to this. All of this. Ive never really admitted to anyone that I have a problem, yet here I am, pouring everything out to the Internet. or whoever is reading. I cant really give a damn if everyone or noone who reads its. They say opening up to a stranger is easiest. What if you've never opened up. I don't talk about myself. I don't like talking about what goes inside my head. I don't wanna get a diagnosis for what I have or what this is, even though I kinda have an idea and assumptions but because it'll make it a hundred times more real. I just know it sucks. I'm messed up in the head a lot. I'm broken and damaged. I've been through so many phases, but right now i'm just dead in the inside . I'm just empty and numb to everything and everyone .This is kinda the worst cause the feeling of emptiness is the heaviest feeling in the world. Its the worst. Despite of everything, I wake up (after a struggle) have the same stupid robotic routine. I smile . I laugh . I crack a few stupid jokes. I act like im okay. and people seem to believe it. I lock everything up and it just gets worse and worse. I sometimes question myself whats the point of all this any of this? will it ever get better ? is there any hope ? Im young still have a life ahead but im not looking forward to it. ive seen things that I cant erase. ive been through things that I don't think why i'm even still alive . From now on ill vent here. maybe post a few of my writings. thats if I still stay alive till tomorrow. I think right now i'm just breathing. and theres a difference between breathing and being alive.
[THE DEMONS ARE HERE AND STRONGER THAN EVER. THEY ARE LOOKING FOR A FIGHT . LOOKING TO WIN. AND THIS TIME I MIGHT LET THEM.]

RustyTavern
Posts: 58
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:15 pm

Re: dead inside.

Postby RustyTavern » Wed Jan 23, 2019 12:59 pm

someone. wrote:I am new to this. All of this. Ive never really admitted to anyone that I have a problem, yet here I am, pouring everything out to the Internet. or whoever is reading. I cant really give a damn if everyone or noone who reads its. They say opening up to a stranger is easiest. What if you've never opened up. I don't talk about myself. I don't like talking about what goes inside my head. I don't wanna get a diagnosis for what I have or what this is, even though I kinda have an idea and assumptions but because it'll make it a hundred times more real. I just know it sucks. I'm messed up in the head a lot. I'm broken and damaged. I've been through so many phases, but right now i'm just dead in the inside . I'm just empty and numb to everything and everyone .This is kinda the worst cause the feeling of emptiness is the heaviest feeling in the world. Its the worst. Despite of everything, I wake up (after a struggle) have the same stupid robotic routine. I smile . I laugh . I crack a few stupid jokes. I act like im okay. and people seem to believe it. I lock everything up and it just gets worse and worse. I sometimes question myself whats the point of all this any of this? will it ever get better ? is there any hope ? Im young still have a life ahead but im not looking forward to it. ive seen things that I cant erase. ive been through things that I don't think why i'm even still alive . From now on ill vent here. maybe post a few of my writings. thats if I still stay alive till tomorrow. I think right now i'm just breathing. and theres a difference between breathing and being alive.
[THE DEMONS ARE HERE AND STRONGER THAN EVER. THEY ARE LOOKING FOR A FIGHT . LOOKING TO WIN. AND THIS TIME I MIGHT LET THEM.]


Are you going through puberty?
You have not been specific other than "broken"?
Life is about struggles; it isn't about being happy.
Crack on!

someone.
Posts: 18
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2019 11:47 am

Re: dead inside.

Postby someone. » Wed Jan 23, 2019 1:40 pm

RustyTavern wrote:
someone. wrote:I am new to this. All of this. Ive never really admitted to anyone that I have a problem, yet here I am, pouring everything out to the Internet. or whoever is reading. I cant really give a damn if everyone or noone who reads its. They say opening up to a stranger is easiest. What if you've never opened up. I don't talk about myself. I don't like talking about what goes inside my head. I don't wanna get a diagnosis for what I have or what this is, even though I kinda have an idea and assumptions but because it'll make it a hundred times more real. I just know it sucks. I'm messed up in the head a lot. I'm broken and damaged. I've been through so many phases, but right now i'm just dead in the inside . I'm just empty and numb to everything and everyone .This is kinda the worst cause the feeling of emptiness is the heaviest feeling in the world. Its the worst. Despite of everything, I wake up (after a struggle) have the same stupid robotic routine. I smile . I laugh . I crack a few stupid jokes. I act like im okay. and people seem to believe it. I lock everything up and it just gets worse and worse. I sometimes question myself whats the point of all this any of this? will it ever get better ? is there any hope ? Im young still have a life ahead but im not looking forward to it. ive seen things that I cant erase. ive been through things that I don't think why i'm even still alive . From now on ill vent here. maybe post a few of my writings. thats if I still stay alive till tomorrow. I think right now i'm just breathing. and theres a difference between breathing and being alive.
[THE DEMONS ARE HERE AND STRONGER THAN EVER. THEY ARE LOOKING FOR A FIGHT . LOOKING TO WIN. AND THIS TIME I MIGHT LET THEM.]


Are you going through puberty?
You have not been specific other than "broken"?
Life is about struggles; it isn't about being happy.
Crack on!


No I’m not going through puberty. I just don’t know how to open up. I don’t like being specific but my past haunts me. I’ve been raped, ridiculed and abused. And it’s permanently scarred me. I don’t talk about how I feel so I wasn’t specific. I’m jsit new to all this. What is life about then ? Struggles?

RustyTavern
Posts: 58
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:15 pm

Re: dead inside.

Postby RustyTavern » Wed Jan 23, 2019 2:23 pm

someone. wrote:
RustyTavern wrote:
someone. wrote:I am new to this. All of this. Ive never really admitted to anyone that I have a problem, yet here I am, pouring everything out to the Internet. or whoever is reading. I cant really give a damn if everyone or noone who reads its. They say opening up to a stranger is easiest. What if you've never opened up. I don't talk about myself. I don't like talking about what goes inside my head. I don't wanna get a diagnosis for what I have or what this is, even though I kinda have an idea and assumptions but because it'll make it a hundred times more real. I just know it sucks. I'm messed up in the head a lot. I'm broken and damaged. I've been through so many phases, but right now i'm just dead in the inside . I'm just empty and numb to everything and everyone .This is kinda the worst cause the feeling of emptiness is the heaviest feeling in the world. Its the worst. Despite of everything, I wake up (after a struggle) have the same stupid robotic routine. I smile . I laugh . I crack a few stupid jokes. I act like im okay. and people seem to believe it. I lock everything up and it just gets worse and worse. I sometimes question myself whats the point of all this any of this? will it ever get better ? is there any hope ? Im young still have a life ahead but im not looking forward to it. ive seen things that I cant erase. ive been through things that I don't think why i'm even still alive . From now on ill vent here. maybe post a few of my writings. thats if I still stay alive till tomorrow. I think right now i'm just breathing. and theres a difference between breathing and being alive.
[THE DEMONS ARE HERE AND STRONGER THAN EVER. THEY ARE LOOKING FOR A FIGHT . LOOKING TO WIN. AND THIS TIME I MIGHT LET THEM.]


Are you going through puberty?
You have not been specific other than "broken"?
Life is about struggles; it isn't about being happy.
Crack on!


No I’m not going through puberty. I just don’t know how to open up. I don’t like being specific but my past haunts me. I’ve been raped, ridiculed and abused. And it’s permanently scarred me. I don’t talk about how I feel so I wasn’t specific. I’m jsit new to all this. What is life about then ? Struggles?


Ok, well rape, abuse, ridicule? Are these different abuses related somehow?
They sound awful.
Life has presented you with the struggle of being raped. That's now part of your life so you have to get something positive out of it. Maybe counsel others; rape a a lawyer; sue your rapist publically etc.
You've been given perhaps a very steep hill to climb but at the top your perspective will be better and you will have earned yourself a life wisdom line amongst others on your body.

Plzhelpmeimdying
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2019 4:16 pm

Re: dead inside.

Postby Plzhelpmeimdying » Wed Jan 23, 2019 4:28 pm

I cried when I read this. I can relate to every single thing you said. You may think that you're alone in this but you're not. There are people in the same situation as you and there are people who want to and will help you. There are people who tell that this is going to get better and there are other ways than hurting yourself. I really want to believe them. I really do but it's hard. You just have to fight. I don't have a diagnosis either and I'd rather die than tell my family about my issues. But everyone on the internet tells me I should. That It would make everything better. Me myself I'm not ready for that yet but I maybe you could consider that. I love you and I'm here for you if you want to talk <3

Fighting.em.demons
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2019 11:08 pm

Re: dead inside.

Postby Fighting.em.demons » Wed Jan 23, 2019 11:31 pm

First of all id like to publicly bash that ridiculous person (?) Who has said here that life is not about happiness. Who. The heck. Do u think u are. This is an online Forum where broken people who need mental support for their stability, come here to find a haven for their demons. And then u come along and crush everything. Lemme let u in on a little secret, life IS all about happiness. If it werent, then why are you even on this site?! Isn't this place all about people who have lost the joy in their lives wanting to be happy again?! And anyways, life is worthless if there is no happiness in it. Life is all about finding the little mini joys in our life and turning them into ultimate goals and finding meaning. Life without goals or meaning is...can it even be called life?! The strength drawn from meaning and happiness is what gives us the ability to pursue and achieve goals obviously going through much heartbreak and heartache along the way, some people more pain than others.
Secondly, Someone, Id like to congratulate you on that post. It sounds full of pain and sadness and yet I can see a spark of hope there.
have u been in therapy? Maybe some PTSD is the root of all brokeness in there...? Try to embrace the struggles and look at them as tests from G-D to see how strong u are. Prove yourself to be the strong little one u are!! Remember this; the toughest struggles are for His toughest soldiers!!
I know it probably now seems impossible, but U CAN overcome depression! Make sure to take care of your physical and mental health and to reward all the little accomplishments and joys in your life! I wish you much success In all your endeavors and hope you find the path to recovery soon.
Sending loads of chocolate and HUGS!!




Btw us it possible to private message here?
Its okay to be a glowstick.
Sometimes we need to break before we can shine.
GROW THROUGH WHAT YOU GO THROUGH
I have faith in us;)
Love yall! <3
-Fighting.em.demons

lauz29
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2019 7:00 am

Re: dead inside.

Postby lauz29 » Thu Jan 24, 2019 7:04 am

Everyone needs Someone
Put Your Life into Balance

Start chat today
Feel free
https://lj506893.wixsite.com/every1

someone.
Posts: 18
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2019 11:47 am

Re: dead inside.

Postby someone. » Thu Jan 24, 2019 1:20 pm

Plzhelpmeimdying wrote:I cried when I read this. I can relate to every single thing you said. You may think that you're alone in this but you're not. There are people in the same situation as you and there are people who want to and will help you. There are people who tell that this is going to get better and there are other ways than hurting yourself. I really want to believe them. I really do but it's hard. You just have to fight. I don't have a diagnosis either and I'd rather die than tell my family about my issues. But everyone on the internet tells me I should. That It would make everything better. Me myself I'm not ready for that yet but I maybe you could consider that. I love you and I'm here for you if you want to talk <3

I dont really have family but I get it. id be a hypocrite if I told u to do it and things get better but I really hope they will I guess. im here for you too if u wanna talk too. and thanks for reminding me im not alone.

someone.
Posts: 18
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2019 11:47 am

Re: dead inside.

Postby someone. » Thu Jan 24, 2019 1:26 pm

Fighting.em.demons wrote:First of all id like to publicly bash that ridiculous person (?) Who has said here that life is not about happiness. Who. The heck. Do u think u are. This is an online Forum where broken people who need mental support for their stability, come here to find a haven for their demons. And then u come along and crush everything. Lemme let u in on a little secret, life IS all about happiness. If it werent, then why are you even on this site?! Isn't this place all about people who have lost the joy in their lives wanting to be happy again?! And anyways, life is worthless if there is no happiness in it. Life is all about finding the little mini joys in our life and turning them into ultimate goals and finding meaning. Life without goals or meaning is...can it even be called life?! The strength drawn from meaning and happiness is what gives us the ability to pursue and achieve goals obviously going through much heartbreak and heartache along the way, some people more pain than others.
Secondly, Someone, Id like to congratulate you on that post. It sounds full of pain and sadness and yet I can see a spark of hope there.
have u been in therapy? Maybe some PTSD is the root of all brokeness in there...? Try to embrace the struggles and look at them as tests from G-D to see how strong u are. Prove yourself to be the strong little one u are!! Remember this; the toughest struggles are for His toughest soldiers!!
I know it probably now seems impossible, but U CAN overcome depression! Make sure to take care of your physical and mental health and to reward all the little accomplishments and joys in your life! I wish you much success In all your endeavors and hope you find the path to recovery soon.
Sending loads of chocolate and HUGS!!




Btw us it possible to private message here?

id like to say that I do believe that their is happiness and people live for it and i'm jealous of it because I want it . I might think i'm hopeless but a side of me wants to find a bit of joy because being hopeless and full of despair will just be my slow death. I dont really wanna diagnose myself or think about what I have but yea. my past haunts me. but im trying to get through it . im stilll here arent I ?
thank you.
and Idk how to work pm here but I think yea.


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