Another Newcomer
Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 4:54 pm
Hi,
I am 47 years old, been through lots of talk therapy that really hasn't helped; I take Cymbalta and Risperdone (to quiet "loud" thoughts"). Through my therapy, I have come to realize that I have depressed since I was a teenager. I've been diagnosed with "dysthymia," an ongoing moderate depression. I have a wonderful marriage, but my job situation has, for the most part, been terrible since I started working in 1986. I live inside my head all of the time...I never think I'm good enough at my job, plus I've been in several "toxic" job situations (mostly terrible bosses) that aggravate my feelings of aggravation, disappointment and hopelessness. It's really all about my job situation. I never should have pursued the career I'm in (communications, PR). I don't have the right personality, and as I've said, I just feel inadequate to the job all of the time. I've tried changing careers; no help; had to fall back on what I know; Believe me, I've tried. Currently, I work for a small nonprofit, a small terribly run nonprofit; my boss is an idiot and nobody's happy there. Alot of negativity surrounds me; no escape, unless I just want to stay in my office all day and not talk to anyone. My husband won't just let me quit, especially in this bad economy. I have been in the workworld for over 20 years, and maybe I've been "happy" in my job for all of six months since I started. I can never make "peace" with my job situation. My husband says I'm like a "heat-seeking missile," always finding something negative to dwell on. I"ve tried behavioral therapy to quell my negative thoughts. No help. Nothing seems to help! I just keep living inside my head. I don't know how to escape. I exercise regularly, and get spiritual uplift on a weekly basis throught Bible study. I don't have many friends; and even if I did, I would never share my frustrations; I try to remain upbeat with the people in my life. Still, not one day goes by when I don't wish I were DEAD. The only things keeping me alive are my loving marriage and my mother (don't want to hurt her). What should I do? I've been in talk therapy for about 10 years, with several different therapists, and that really hasn't helped. I look forward to hearing from anyone out there.
I am 47 years old, been through lots of talk therapy that really hasn't helped; I take Cymbalta and Risperdone (to quiet "loud" thoughts"). Through my therapy, I have come to realize that I have depressed since I was a teenager. I've been diagnosed with "dysthymia," an ongoing moderate depression. I have a wonderful marriage, but my job situation has, for the most part, been terrible since I started working in 1986. I live inside my head all of the time...I never think I'm good enough at my job, plus I've been in several "toxic" job situations (mostly terrible bosses) that aggravate my feelings of aggravation, disappointment and hopelessness. It's really all about my job situation. I never should have pursued the career I'm in (communications, PR). I don't have the right personality, and as I've said, I just feel inadequate to the job all of the time. I've tried changing careers; no help; had to fall back on what I know; Believe me, I've tried. Currently, I work for a small nonprofit, a small terribly run nonprofit; my boss is an idiot and nobody's happy there. Alot of negativity surrounds me; no escape, unless I just want to stay in my office all day and not talk to anyone. My husband won't just let me quit, especially in this bad economy. I have been in the workworld for over 20 years, and maybe I've been "happy" in my job for all of six months since I started. I can never make "peace" with my job situation. My husband says I'm like a "heat-seeking missile," always finding something negative to dwell on. I"ve tried behavioral therapy to quell my negative thoughts. No help. Nothing seems to help! I just keep living inside my head. I don't know how to escape. I exercise regularly, and get spiritual uplift on a weekly basis throught Bible study. I don't have many friends; and even if I did, I would never share my frustrations; I try to remain upbeat with the people in my life. Still, not one day goes by when I don't wish I were DEAD. The only things keeping me alive are my loving marriage and my mother (don't want to hurt her). What should I do? I've been in talk therapy for about 10 years, with several different therapists, and that really hasn't helped. I look forward to hearing from anyone out there.
