Why it keeps coming back?
Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2018 1:03 am
Hello, sorry if this post is kinda weird. My english is pretty bad and it's the first time I seeked forums about this.
Background information.
I'm 16f, my parents are divorced and I'm pretty introvert. I only have a best friend that i'm pinning for, but she have more problems than me.
My mom's family have a lot of history with depression, but because they're stuborn and "arent weak" they refuse therapy. Thats maybe the reason of not being funtional all the time.
End
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.
Today was great, my dad came to see me (He, even if I try to ignore it, is very negletful) and we had a nice time. I even talked a lot, sometimes I can go trough a day only saying 5 sentences.
So thats why when we were having dinner I felt scared when the cliché phrase (but spot on) appeared.
What if I killed myself tonight?
Would they be sad?
Would I feel better?
These lasts years had been awful, the previus one I even had a plan. I took a month to think about it 'cause all the crap of "Permanent solution, temporary problem"... In the last second I backed off.
Only my best friend and a acquentience (?) knows.
Mostly the reason of being alive is my family and friend, thats why I think I'm failling again because EVEN if I had one of the happiest days with them... I'm still coming back to the idea of suicide.
Sorry if this was awfull, I thougth that maybe "talking" would make things better.
Ignore me.
Background information.
I'm 16f, my parents are divorced and I'm pretty introvert. I only have a best friend that i'm pinning for, but she have more problems than me.
My mom's family have a lot of history with depression, but because they're stuborn and "arent weak" they refuse therapy. Thats maybe the reason of not being funtional all the time.
End
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.
Today was great, my dad came to see me (He, even if I try to ignore it, is very negletful) and we had a nice time. I even talked a lot, sometimes I can go trough a day only saying 5 sentences.
So thats why when we were having dinner I felt scared when the cliché phrase (but spot on) appeared.
What if I killed myself tonight?
Would they be sad?
Would I feel better?
These lasts years had been awful, the previus one I even had a plan. I took a month to think about it 'cause all the crap of "Permanent solution, temporary problem"... In the last second I backed off.
Only my best friend and a acquentience (?) knows.
Mostly the reason of being alive is my family and friend, thats why I think I'm failling again because EVEN if I had one of the happiest days with them... I'm still coming back to the idea of suicide.
Sorry if this was awfull, I thougth that maybe "talking" would make things better.
Ignore me.